Oh, pooh.....

So I had a flip out moment tonight....not very happy about it, but it's going to be something that I am on guard against in the future. I ate TOO LITTLE today - I just had about 2 cups of cherries, 25oz of juiced veggies, and a 32oz chocolate shake by the time dinner came. So of course I was starving and my plan was to make a salad, but it's so much easier to grab something....and dinner looked of course, DIVINE.

Confession: ouch. Cinnamon rolls (2), 2 open-faced ham & melted cheese sandwiches, and a plate of tortilla chips with ham & cheese melted.

I'm going to pretend like it didn't even happen. Except that, I don't plan to eat anything else for the rest of the night since my stomach is already grumbling about the flip out.

AND!! I am observing some interesting behaviour - DH has been working insane days this entire week and it's because his co-worker is on vacation. He leaves at 5:45 and has never come home sooner than 8:00 - one night it was 10pm, and tonight I think it'll probably be that again or later. Poor guy, and he's also operating on a calorie deficit (I can't believe how hardcore he is being...so motivating for me!) AND running every single day and on little sleep! But anyway, the behaviour on MY part, is that in the past whenever this has happened, I usually have rough days due to no help, and as a compensation, allow myself some "fun food" at night especially after the kids are in bed. Or during naptime. Always junk - chocolate, donuts, etc. Like I "reward" myself for having such a hard day, OR I use it as something to look forward to so I can get through the hard day.

I saw that in myself tonight, like I wanted to revert to that, EVEN THOUGH I am not having hard days!!! That's the thing - it was almost like nostalgia or something, like a memory of something I used to do. And as I type this, it occurs to me that it actually is amazing that this week has been totally great for me! It's been just kind of "annoying" that I have to put the kids to bed myself, and I miss DH's company, and his reinforcement when they talk back or don't obey. =) But it hasn't been an extreme hardship to the point where I'm slamming doors (um....did I just say that??? Yes, I am normal....I think!) and just wanting to go in my room and LOCK THE DOOR and put my head under the covers. Interesting.

I'm anxious now, to run in the morning and get these toxic foods out of my body. Hopefully DD12 won't spend the night at Grandma's where she is now for a party..hmmm. But if she does, I'm going to do intervals or SOMETHING cuz I really feel the need to MOVE IT MOVE IT.