...and funny thing is, I really don't even care. I haven't weighed myself but I KNOW I'm not losing for sure - I've probably gained maybe 5 pounds this Christmas season. It's kind of nice not to care, and actually, I feel like whenever I look in the mirror it's through the fog anyway so I don't get a clear look at myself so I don't care. For now, it seems that eating yummy things is 1) fun during the holidays and 2)something I can look forward to in this endless loop of little sleep/nursing/taking care of littles. I know EXACTLY how to get it off once I do start on February 1st so I'm not worried about it. I just have to keep the depressed thoughts at bay and seriously NOT care how I look - which is great while around the house but once I start socializing, not so easy. Oh well, since I know I've been thin before and know how to get there, I'm kind of just enjoying this time and LOVING chocolate. So there! =) hee hee
Currently, my schedule:
Nighttime feedings, usually around 1am, 4am, 7am, 10am. The kids are SO sweet to take care of each other and play quietly while I sleep -- my 2year old stays in her crib dozing or playing with her older sisters in their room. I've asked them not to get her out of her crib so that she doesn't come bang on my door. Since they are all on a 10pm bedtime sort of schedule it works out ok to get her up that late, otherwise I would feel bad. =(
Get up, share the baby with all his siblings as they still clamor to take turns to hold him. He's at his most delightful in the morning for about half an hour after a good sleep and full tummy so they enjoy him alot while I get the littles diaper's changed, dressed, myself dressed.
Except today it is 2pm and I'm still not dressed. It's like hmmm...should I do x or x? Get dressed OR clean up the cereal bowls on the table before the 2 year old decides to play dump the milk into the bowls over & over? lol!
At 1pm Charlie is ready to nurse again so I do that with littles climbing all over me - then make lunch, with usually at least 3 of them clamoring to help and wanting to sit on the tiny counter while I try to lay out 7 plates. It's tricky and I'm learning that if I'm going to be in a good mood and let them help me (which I DO want to, I love to let them help, but being so tired everything is kind of on a short fuse with me, =() then I need to make sure I've eaten something good for breakfast that does NOT include dairy or flour or sugar. Hmph. Pretty much everything. LOL
By the time I'm ready to lay down with the 3 little ones, Charlie is awake again. So it's been tricky trying to figure out how to juggle the whole naptime thing --- which is partly why I'm looking forward to being on a schedule again with school and all. At 1pm Jack4 and Harmony2 are NOT ready for a nap, but Charlie is.
I think I'm rambling. At least, I am trying to wrap my head around my "schedule" as it were, and I can't really even figure it out. Ha ha! Sigh.
I put on some BMM songs yesterday and they were like balm to my spirit. I've been in such a fog, trying to basically survive, to be a million and one people to everyone in my house that needs it (Mom, wife, comforter, cleaner, friend, listener, etc you get the picture) that I forget to nourish my own spirit for strength from above. And it is amazing how much of a difference, how completely it turns my world right side up again and I see everything in the right perspective.
I am seeing so much of myself...that I am such a naturally selfish person who rebells against having to go through this time because it is hard for ME. It's good to remember that this is a beautiful life I've been given and I truly do LOVE where I am in right now!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
New Taylor family picture!
This year I had NO energy to get the whole family together for a picture, but our last one was taken 2 years ago so we really wanted to send one out to family and friends. My sister used a super awesome camera + her talents to help me out...LOVE how it turned out! What do you think?
Here's my most recent FAVE picture of Charlie too. =)
And...a closeup of everyone's favorite picture in the group...
4 Weeks postpartum & more overwhelmed than ever...
I don't think anyone is actually "cut out" to have this many kids with a newborn in the house! It's crazy how that one little baby just strips the Mom of any and all ability to cope...! Like, I can take care of my home and my family --- but when you add in soreness from breastfeeding, sore wrists from nursing, stiff & aching body from so many hours of nursing (hmmm I'm seeing a trend here...currently I am NOT enjoying nursing) and then the hours lost of sleep - it just makes for a really overwhelmed Mom who can't handle loud noises (yeah, not so quiet with 8 kids in an 1190 square food house and half of them are sick so they keep crying about everything) and aaack! The messy house is driving me batty and yet when I get like one little minute of free time I definitely don't want to spend it cleaning. Right now I NEED to be taking my midday nap while Charlie sleeps but instead I made some eggs and am snatching a little moment online. I hope against hope that when I go in to lie down, he won't start fidgeting and fussing again. Good thing he's so darn CUTE lol!
Last night Charlie had little fits and tiny moments of sleep until 3am. That was rough - I think I've been eating too much chocolate??? So I am cutting wayyy down on that today to see if that is the problem. But as I was drifting in and out of sleep in between his little naps, I was praying that God would help me to be thankful. I have so much to be thankful for!!! And it really helps when I have that overcoming spirit of thankfulness, because then in a way, everything He sends my way is too good for me, you know?
I'm looking forward to next week when the kids will be in school again so maybe I can make a dent in cleaning and it won't be so loud in here during the day. But then I also dread having to wake the baby up at 6am to nurse so that we'll have enough time to get everyone ready and out the door. And what if he is just barely settling down for a nap by the time we have to leave to get them at 3pm? And I miss my window for a nap and then have to go the rest of the day on zero tolerance? Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh my brain is just mush thinking about it.
Gotta' run, my 10 min window of time is over. =)
Last night Charlie had little fits and tiny moments of sleep until 3am. That was rough - I think I've been eating too much chocolate??? So I am cutting wayyy down on that today to see if that is the problem. But as I was drifting in and out of sleep in between his little naps, I was praying that God would help me to be thankful. I have so much to be thankful for!!! And it really helps when I have that overcoming spirit of thankfulness, because then in a way, everything He sends my way is too good for me, you know?
I'm looking forward to next week when the kids will be in school again so maybe I can make a dent in cleaning and it won't be so loud in here during the day. But then I also dread having to wake the baby up at 6am to nurse so that we'll have enough time to get everyone ready and out the door. And what if he is just barely settling down for a nap by the time we have to leave to get them at 3pm? And I miss my window for a nap and then have to go the rest of the day on zero tolerance? Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh my brain is just mush thinking about it.
Gotta' run, my 10 min window of time is over. =)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
2 Weeks (+ 2 days) - Weigh-in, I feel FAB, & our first outing!
Two weeks was actually 2 days ago, lol, but...well, you take what you can get when it comes to time to post!
This is my favorite picture of Charlie so far - he is just 4 days old here with my MIL who has been such a huge help driving the kids to & from school! If you look carefully in the background you can see my bedroom --- *love* - and the white dresser/changetable with a mirror that I fixed up, and envisioned as a peaceful place while in labor. See my cute little diaper holder, the black & white thing with a gray ribbon flower? Fun!
I weighed in at 143 pounds on the 14-day mark which means I have exactly half of my weight gained left to lose: 16 pounds. Why does that still seem like so much? Maybe because with Jack I only had like NINE left to lose by now. Ah well, I'm not even remotely eating raw vegan right now so I shouldn't be surprised. I'm glad to have lost a little more though, and would be SUPER de DUPER happy if I could get down to the 130's before I start my kick-butt weight loss routine in February. I think if I watch what I eat moderately it will happen - and not eat 10 chocolate chip cookies in one sitting like I JUST NOW DID (hmmmm) even if they ARE mini cookies. =) =)
Someone described it as "deep hunger" when you are nursing. It seems to be so true -- I am ALL about fasting and know exactly what it feels like to be super hungry. And yet, it doesn't seem quite as intense as the hunger you experience when nursing...it's like God knew when he made woman that she would be longing to lose the weight after baby, even immediately after, but He made SURE that the hunger would be so intense that she is like NOM NOM to everything in sight, ha ha! That's me too, even at midnight. I try to keep goodies out of the house because when it hits I literally will be like a drug addict, searching out ANYTHING that involves baked goods or chocolate. Strangely enough, ice cream holds no interest for me....??? Weird.
So on this day -- I feel SO great. Last week was pretty intense, but this week - ow, baby!! I feel fantastic. Mostly because my huge tummy that was so heavy..is GONE. Yay for baby coming out! And my bleeding is virtually nonexistant now, thank the good Lord above (hate that).
But just as an FYI, I am not doing much cleaning or anything that really takes exertion right now. I am relying heavily on Lucy who comes 2x a week to do the deep cleaning of bathrooms/vacuuming/kitchen -- and then each day all of my kids clean the whole house usually twice. It's kind of cool having so many kids because they are each in charge of one room, and since our house is small - all I have to do is announce that we're cleaning the rooms we're in charge of in 5 minutes (it works well to prepare them) and in about 15 minutes, the whole house is clean. They are also in charge of everything dishes and laundry related, although I do fold/put away mine & DH's and Charlie's clothes.
I feel like, this has been the best time of postpartum I have ever had. I really, really was dreading that part ... that, and the birth. Just one of those things that are inevitable and no matter what I do, I HAVE to go through it. And the unknown. But anyway, the past 2 weeks have been a dream...I know it has been HUGELY in part to the excellent care I have had. Funny to think that the 8th baby would be my best time of healing, of postpartum, eh? Maybe it's because I am not trying to do everything on my own, I'm letting people help.
But MOST of all, it is Charlie. He is the sweetest baby, honestly, I think of all that I have ever had. He nurses PERFECTLY and has now gotten it down to a science (well, almost - he still falls asleep too much in my opinion lol) so where it used to take me 1 hr and 15 min to nurse him (omg my butt would get NUMB!!), it now takes approx 25-30 min.
So because of THAT, my nights have been just wonderful! He does his 3-hour routine almost down to the MINUTE, it's so funny - he wakes up at midnight, nurses/gets changed/burped etc for about 45 minutes (of which I enjoy watching Nikita - thanks for the idea, Jen! I've already watched 1 1/2 entire seasons since he was born, lol), then I lay him down in his bed (even if he's awake, he's sooo good!) and he goes to sleep within minutes. Sleeps the night away and then I wake up to hear his little cry, look at the clock, and sure enough - it's 3am! Rinse, repeat. =) Very rarely does he cry and cry...that has only happened twice since he was born, that he wouldn't go back to sleep at night.
As a result I wake up feeling pretty darn refreshed in the morning - the past few mornings I've woken up at 8am to help get the kids out the door, then nurse him and go about my day with the little ones. By noon I am about pooped, I can feel I'm starting to get kind of dizzy and my heart is pounding, so...time for naps, everyone! Since Charlie sleeps 2 out of 3 hours, it's fairly easy to coordinate his nap with the little ones because Harmony sleeps for 3 hours, and Jack for 1 1/2. I put H down from 12:30-3:30, and then as soon as Charlie goes to sleep I put Jack to bed and am able to sleep for a good 1 1/2 hours.
I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the mayhem of receiving 4 bigger kids after school, and do the necessary busy stuff to get dinner ready, etc. But once dinner is on the table and at about 7pm, I need to lay down again...so slowly but surely I am emerging from the fog of postpartum-ness.
I am fortunate in that we are almost to the Christmas break, which means no school - yay! DH has been taking the kids to & from school every day, and my MIL picks up my kinder. See? I'm taken such good care of! No wonder Charlie is on such a good schedule...he never needs to be interrupted to go anywhere.
Today, though, I was just itching to venture out of this house. Five of my kids need haircuts - Harmony's hair has never been cut and in it's 2 1/2 year old state is kind of sorry looking. Oh, actually, Marie5 cut her hair, chopped it at almost the scalp (of course!) when she was 1 1/2 and now it's finally growing out to look normal. But still scraggly in the back especially. Jack and Isaac just need normal boy haircuts cuz it's been 2 months since their last one.
Grace7? Oh yeah....THAT has been driving me nuts. She decided to chop ONE side of her hair because she was mad, she said. So one side is approx the length of her chin in the front, and all the rest is below her shoulders. And since I've been MIA for the past like, 3-4 weeks --- ugh. She looks like an orphan. The 5th one is James10, and he refuses to get his done at the hair shop, so I have to do that one myself.
Anyway, I felt like it would work this morning so I put Charlie in his carseat for his nap instead of his bed, quickly got the littles ready to go, and RAN to the hair shop. Jack & Harmony are now sporting the cutest little haircuts, and Charlie slept through the whole thing - yay!
Better run...naptime! Oops, it's already 1pm and I haven't put Harmony down yet...and I'm starting to feel kind of crampy like I've done too much. So - time to sleep. =)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Day 12 Postpartum - I kind of flipped out and CLEANED like crazy!
It has been wearing on me for the past oh, 2 months or so, that I can't clean my house! Aaaaagh! People come and help and it is SO so so nice and so necessary, especially in the last weeks of pregnancy and of course in the postpartum time when I have been working on healing, keeping my milk supply up, etc. But no-one cleans like the queen of the home, you know? NOT that I am a clean freak - just look at my cuboards, um...yeah.
So not even deep cleaning is what I'm talking about. I'm referring to those spots, you know the ones I'm sure, where stuff, just JUNK, stacks up until it's like this mountain. It's stuff that only I know where it goes like papers, or even dumb little things that people cleaning don't know where they go - baggies of hairband, a bottle of facial cleanser, a pair of scissors. Then there are the school papers and the "important" papers like bills and other things maybe I just needed to put in a spot to keep it safe until I could actually put it away where it goes.
Then, the nooks and crannies. Under the laundry baskets that never get moved because they house each kids' laundry, behind the basket of books, stuff that has somehow found it's way under the desk. It was driving me NUTS because even when the room was tidied, it looked kind of messy. And of course add ANY more mess and it immediately looked awful again.
So I got up from a good 2 hour nap, and just dove in. I felt like I was physically able to do it and it felt SO awesome to just put my hand to the task and work!! I picked up so much stuff and threw tons of it away, sorted legos and train tracks that were tucked here and there, put them away. Then I picked up everything off the floor and DH graciously vacuumed in *extreme* vacuum style, all the edges and everywhere. Now it looks awesome!!
Then I tackled the kitchen - it was the same, the counters were clean but BEHIND the juicers which I am no longer using, was lots of crumbs and the counters just looked MESSY no matter what. Recycling stacked in a corner, tons of papers waiting to be put away, even a little cup of water with paintbrushes still soaking after like 2 weeks that no-one knows what to do with except me.
Now the kitchen looks awesome, I am SO all about less is better! Love it - at least 2 of the rooms in the house are now cleaned up to par, and it just feels GREAT to be able to do this again, myself, and not have to have others do it for me. I love being the queen of my home and can't wait to gradually get back into doing it again - just making the house run smoothly.
And exercising....hmmm...I know I told myself that I wouldn't worry about any of that, about dieting or eating a certain way, until February 1st. It was and still is super nice to have that relaxed attitude but......at the same time, I am SO SO SO chomping at the bit to just do a good hard workout! Tereza every time you mention it I just can FEEL the endorphins...aagh! I can't wait.
I am actually eating pretty clean, mostly oatmeal and salad and beer. =) With the occasional sweet thing like, 5 reese's peanut butter cups today. =) I weighed myself yesterday and I am still at 145 which means no weight loss in about a week - strange. But no worries, I know how to get it off and plan to do that HARDCORE as soon as I feel I am physically able and can also figure out how to do the whole calorie thing while nursing.
Anyway - good overall day today even though I was KILLER tired from being stupid and hanging on the computer last night while I should have been sleeping. By the time I actually with great relief laid down to sleep, after maybe...10 minutes the baby had finished his 3-hour routine and was ready to nurse. So another 45 minutes of nursing and finally got to sleep from 2am-4am, then began the 3-hour routine all over again. Nurse 45 min, up for 15, then sleep for 1.5-2 hours. Rinse, repeat all day/night long. Which I love, it is so awesome to have that reliability! Love you Charlie bear!
So not even deep cleaning is what I'm talking about. I'm referring to those spots, you know the ones I'm sure, where stuff, just JUNK, stacks up until it's like this mountain. It's stuff that only I know where it goes like papers, or even dumb little things that people cleaning don't know where they go - baggies of hairband, a bottle of facial cleanser, a pair of scissors. Then there are the school papers and the "important" papers like bills and other things maybe I just needed to put in a spot to keep it safe until I could actually put it away where it goes.
Then, the nooks and crannies. Under the laundry baskets that never get moved because they house each kids' laundry, behind the basket of books, stuff that has somehow found it's way under the desk. It was driving me NUTS because even when the room was tidied, it looked kind of messy. And of course add ANY more mess and it immediately looked awful again.
So I got up from a good 2 hour nap, and just dove in. I felt like I was physically able to do it and it felt SO awesome to just put my hand to the task and work!! I picked up so much stuff and threw tons of it away, sorted legos and train tracks that were tucked here and there, put them away. Then I picked up everything off the floor and DH graciously vacuumed in *extreme* vacuum style, all the edges and everywhere. Now it looks awesome!!
Then I tackled the kitchen - it was the same, the counters were clean but BEHIND the juicers which I am no longer using, was lots of crumbs and the counters just looked MESSY no matter what. Recycling stacked in a corner, tons of papers waiting to be put away, even a little cup of water with paintbrushes still soaking after like 2 weeks that no-one knows what to do with except me.
Now the kitchen looks awesome, I am SO all about less is better! Love it - at least 2 of the rooms in the house are now cleaned up to par, and it just feels GREAT to be able to do this again, myself, and not have to have others do it for me. I love being the queen of my home and can't wait to gradually get back into doing it again - just making the house run smoothly.
And exercising....hmmm...I know I told myself that I wouldn't worry about any of that, about dieting or eating a certain way, until February 1st. It was and still is super nice to have that relaxed attitude but......at the same time, I am SO SO SO chomping at the bit to just do a good hard workout! Tereza every time you mention it I just can FEEL the endorphins...aagh! I can't wait.
I am actually eating pretty clean, mostly oatmeal and salad and beer. =) With the occasional sweet thing like, 5 reese's peanut butter cups today. =) I weighed myself yesterday and I am still at 145 which means no weight loss in about a week - strange. But no worries, I know how to get it off and plan to do that HARDCORE as soon as I feel I am physically able and can also figure out how to do the whole calorie thing while nursing.
Anyway - good overall day today even though I was KILLER tired from being stupid and hanging on the computer last night while I should have been sleeping. By the time I actually with great relief laid down to sleep, after maybe...10 minutes the baby had finished his 3-hour routine and was ready to nurse. So another 45 minutes of nursing and finally got to sleep from 2am-4am, then began the 3-hour routine all over again. Nurse 45 min, up for 15, then sleep for 1.5-2 hours. Rinse, repeat all day/night long. Which I love, it is so awesome to have that reliability! Love you Charlie bear!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Day 10 Postpartum - Starting to wear thin
Patience, that is. Not thin clothes. =)
I'm going on my 12th night tonight, of little sleep - usually I get 2 2-hour increments of sleep, sometimes 3 if I'm lucky and it lands in the right place. The past couple of days I've only been able to get 2 more 1 hour increments during the day.
Hmmm. Maybe I should just stop counting it like that, and go with how many hours of sleep I've gotten in the past, well, hour. LOL.
Anyway, it's starting to wear on me. I'm feeling weary, and I feel like my face has this perpectual swollen/just woke up look. Good thing that little Charlie bear is so darn cute. I hear his cry in the night and it jars me out of my sleep immediately, I know God meant for it to be that way so that Mama doesn't accidentally sleep through it because she's so tired!
My brain is all mushy and all I want to do is go to sleep, to ignore the cry...but then he becomes more insistent so I get up and pick him up so he doesn't wake DH up longer than is necessary, and there he is - little red face, fists all flailing and his mouth trying to grab onto whichever part of his fist happens to land close enough. Sooooo cute! So innocent and needing to eat and all he's doing is the best way he knows how to, cry until he gets fed.
It's interesting how life is like this - times where you feel like you're nearing the end of your rope, where you are not just physically tired, but tired OF feeling tired, y'know? And tired of the seemingly endless stream of days and nights that blur into each other -- meanwhile the house is in a constant state of disarray...not that it's trashed or anything, the kids & DH are able to keep it picked up - but it's all the things that I normally would do that aren't getting done. Simply because, well, I'm nursing for like 23 hours a day =) =) and also because I can tell that my energy is not yet up to par - so if I don't conserve it for taking care of the kids then I won't have any left to give.
I remember in pregnancies past that I would reach a point, both in the nausea phase AND in the last few months phase, where I simply have to lift up my hands to God and just give myself to Him. I reach the end of myself and know that I simply can.not.go.on by myself - it has to be He who carries me the rest of the way. And almost always, at least I clearly remember it this way, it happens to be very close to the turning point where things change and get easier.
So! With that history in mind, and thinking about the Israelites and how they always complained and BECAUSE OF THAT God allowed them to wander in the wilderness for 40 years (!!!) --- despite many many miracles --- I am going to be thankful for this time I am in. SO thankful that the birth went well, that my baby is healthy and actually a really good baby that lets me sleep for 2 hours at a time instead of 20 minutes!!!
I think that thankfulness is a powerful tool that the enemy really doesn't know what to do with. It baffles him. So I'm going to use that every time I start feeling weary in my spirit of the situation God has given me.
Soon enough, I'll be able to exercise again and feel strong in my body and capable of doing things quickly and easily. Soon enough, I'll be able to look at my home and think, "Hmmm...I think today I'm going to clean!!" and actually be able to do it and not be so wiped out that I am good for nothing the rest of the day. Soon enough I'll be able to go on dates with DH....will be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time...will be able to fit into my clothes again...will be able to give my kids the attention and love they need.
Until then...in quietness and confidence shall be my strength. And thankfulness. =)
I'm going on my 12th night tonight, of little sleep - usually I get 2 2-hour increments of sleep, sometimes 3 if I'm lucky and it lands in the right place. The past couple of days I've only been able to get 2 more 1 hour increments during the day.
Hmmm. Maybe I should just stop counting it like that, and go with how many hours of sleep I've gotten in the past, well, hour. LOL.
Anyway, it's starting to wear on me. I'm feeling weary, and I feel like my face has this perpectual swollen/just woke up look. Good thing that little Charlie bear is so darn cute. I hear his cry in the night and it jars me out of my sleep immediately, I know God meant for it to be that way so that Mama doesn't accidentally sleep through it because she's so tired!
My brain is all mushy and all I want to do is go to sleep, to ignore the cry...but then he becomes more insistent so I get up and pick him up so he doesn't wake DH up longer than is necessary, and there he is - little red face, fists all flailing and his mouth trying to grab onto whichever part of his fist happens to land close enough. Sooooo cute! So innocent and needing to eat and all he's doing is the best way he knows how to, cry until he gets fed.
It's interesting how life is like this - times where you feel like you're nearing the end of your rope, where you are not just physically tired, but tired OF feeling tired, y'know? And tired of the seemingly endless stream of days and nights that blur into each other -- meanwhile the house is in a constant state of disarray...not that it's trashed or anything, the kids & DH are able to keep it picked up - but it's all the things that I normally would do that aren't getting done. Simply because, well, I'm nursing for like 23 hours a day =) =) and also because I can tell that my energy is not yet up to par - so if I don't conserve it for taking care of the kids then I won't have any left to give.
I remember in pregnancies past that I would reach a point, both in the nausea phase AND in the last few months phase, where I simply have to lift up my hands to God and just give myself to Him. I reach the end of myself and know that I simply can.not.go.on by myself - it has to be He who carries me the rest of the way. And almost always, at least I clearly remember it this way, it happens to be very close to the turning point where things change and get easier.
So! With that history in mind, and thinking about the Israelites and how they always complained and BECAUSE OF THAT God allowed them to wander in the wilderness for 40 years (!!!) --- despite many many miracles --- I am going to be thankful for this time I am in. SO thankful that the birth went well, that my baby is healthy and actually a really good baby that lets me sleep for 2 hours at a time instead of 20 minutes!!!
I think that thankfulness is a powerful tool that the enemy really doesn't know what to do with. It baffles him. So I'm going to use that every time I start feeling weary in my spirit of the situation God has given me.
Soon enough, I'll be able to exercise again and feel strong in my body and capable of doing things quickly and easily. Soon enough, I'll be able to look at my home and think, "Hmmm...I think today I'm going to clean!!" and actually be able to do it and not be so wiped out that I am good for nothing the rest of the day. Soon enough I'll be able to go on dates with DH....will be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time...will be able to fit into my clothes again...will be able to give my kids the attention and love they need.
Until then...in quietness and confidence shall be my strength. And thankfulness. =)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Day 8 Postpartum - Doing well!
Today was my first day "flying solo" as DH went back to work. I didn't feel like I was ready yesterday, so I'm glad he stayed home one more day. But today was perfect, although a little hectic with a doctor's appointment for Charlie & I. I hate appointments, always have & always will - how they mess up my day's routine. =)
I was a bit nervous as to how it would go, my first outing with the baby - especially since he is on such an amazing schedule. He is naturally following BabyWise and has been for the past 5 days, I am just holding my breath that it continues because I LOVE it!!!
Basically he wakes up at, say, 10am, and nurses for 45 minutes in between a poop/change or two. And a few times of unlatching him when he falls asleep while nursing and setting him down in which case he promptly wakes up and wants more. =) He then stays awake (or I try to keep him awake during the day, but at night I let him go right to sleep) for 10-15 minutes while the kids hold him, or I talk to him - he's so sweet how he just stares at me wide-eyed in wonder over everything going on around him. He hears very well and will follow my eyes if I move my head, listening very closely to what I am saying. So sweet. =)
Then I lay him down in his bed in the same position every time, on his side tucked close to the edge of the bed so his little fists are right there if he wants to suck on something. So far he refuses a pacifier - he seems to prefer the Nuk brand size 2, which I only had one of and lost it, of course! The other SIX that I stocked up on were size 1 which is a tiny nipple, the cheap Walmart brand and he hates those and has never liked them. But anyway, he still doesn't like a pacifier at ALL if he's crying or upset in any way - he's only content to suck on it if he's already content. So what's the good in that, anyway?? So I'm hoping that he'll just find his fists because I don't know what I'll do once I try to go somewhere with him and he's crying like in church or the car.
He goes to sleep on his own SO well!!! And then sleeps like clockwork to almost the exact mark of 3 hours since he woke up the 1st time. It's really strange but SO welcome for me because it eliminates those late, late hours in the night when the baby has nursed, and been changed, and SHOULD be asleep but will.not.go.to.sleep and Mama is so frustrated and so tired and the tears come. I have been spared that except for one night and I am so thankful because I feel like because of that, I've been able to get pretty good sleep! Granted, it's just 1 to 1 1/2 hour increments at a time (and I am catching up on the entire season of Nikita rather quickly because of all the 1am, 4am, etc feedings lol!) but at least I can put him down, look at my watch, and know that for the next hour I am guaranteed sleep if all goes well.
DH dropped the kids off at school for me this morning, and my MIL graciously took the two little ones for the morning, so I was able to sleep until 11:15 at which time I jumped out of bed and went to make lunch for the 3 littles who were due to walk in the door at any time. So I was "alone" with the 4 younger kids 5,3,2,0 from then until 3:30 when DH brought the kids home from school.
Then we (DH, DD2, DS3, Baby, me) jumped in the car and drove to the appointment which we were 15 min late. I could tell my body didn't like all the crazy trying to get out of there on time-ness, lol, it did not approve of my trying to move quickly to get things done. It rather likes the slow movements and lots of resting I've been doing instead. So that kind of wore me out - but good results, the baby weighed 7lbs 3oz on day 3, and today weighed 7lbs 13oz on day 8. I am always concerned about weight gain because my milk just has problems, but hopefully the beer and oatmeal + rest is going to do the trick this time!
I've been such a night owl lately. It's strange to look at the clock and it's midnight and I'm just starting to eat my dinner of salad, oatmeal, beer. Ha ha that is a really strange combination, eh? But whatever, it's what sounds good and it's healthy so I consider it a win-win. Time has no relevance to me, it's all just a matter of if I have gotten sleep in the last 3 hours or not, and if I need to rest and/or am starting to cramp or not. Thankfully DH can take over after dinner and I am able to just go to my room and sleep for an hour like I did tonight.
Guess that's it for now, I'm going to do the bills for a while until the baby wakes up and watch an episode of Nikita, then hopefully take a quick shower & head to bed. Considering the fact that it's 10:30 right now...looks like it'll be another late one. Oh well - thankful for my friend Lucy who is coming tomorrow from 8-3 so I can nap when I need to. =)
I was a bit nervous as to how it would go, my first outing with the baby - especially since he is on such an amazing schedule. He is naturally following BabyWise and has been for the past 5 days, I am just holding my breath that it continues because I LOVE it!!!
Basically he wakes up at, say, 10am, and nurses for 45 minutes in between a poop/change or two. And a few times of unlatching him when he falls asleep while nursing and setting him down in which case he promptly wakes up and wants more. =) He then stays awake (or I try to keep him awake during the day, but at night I let him go right to sleep) for 10-15 minutes while the kids hold him, or I talk to him - he's so sweet how he just stares at me wide-eyed in wonder over everything going on around him. He hears very well and will follow my eyes if I move my head, listening very closely to what I am saying. So sweet. =)
Then I lay him down in his bed in the same position every time, on his side tucked close to the edge of the bed so his little fists are right there if he wants to suck on something. So far he refuses a pacifier - he seems to prefer the Nuk brand size 2, which I only had one of and lost it, of course! The other SIX that I stocked up on were size 1 which is a tiny nipple, the cheap Walmart brand and he hates those and has never liked them. But anyway, he still doesn't like a pacifier at ALL if he's crying or upset in any way - he's only content to suck on it if he's already content. So what's the good in that, anyway?? So I'm hoping that he'll just find his fists because I don't know what I'll do once I try to go somewhere with him and he's crying like in church or the car.
He goes to sleep on his own SO well!!! And then sleeps like clockwork to almost the exact mark of 3 hours since he woke up the 1st time. It's really strange but SO welcome for me because it eliminates those late, late hours in the night when the baby has nursed, and been changed, and SHOULD be asleep but will.not.go.to.sleep and Mama is so frustrated and so tired and the tears come. I have been spared that except for one night and I am so thankful because I feel like because of that, I've been able to get pretty good sleep! Granted, it's just 1 to 1 1/2 hour increments at a time (and I am catching up on the entire season of Nikita rather quickly because of all the 1am, 4am, etc feedings lol!) but at least I can put him down, look at my watch, and know that for the next hour I am guaranteed sleep if all goes well.
DH dropped the kids off at school for me this morning, and my MIL graciously took the two little ones for the morning, so I was able to sleep until 11:15 at which time I jumped out of bed and went to make lunch for the 3 littles who were due to walk in the door at any time. So I was "alone" with the 4 younger kids 5,3,2,0 from then until 3:30 when DH brought the kids home from school.
Then we (DH, DD2, DS3, Baby, me) jumped in the car and drove to the appointment which we were 15 min late. I could tell my body didn't like all the crazy trying to get out of there on time-ness, lol, it did not approve of my trying to move quickly to get things done. It rather likes the slow movements and lots of resting I've been doing instead. So that kind of wore me out - but good results, the baby weighed 7lbs 3oz on day 3, and today weighed 7lbs 13oz on day 8. I am always concerned about weight gain because my milk just has problems, but hopefully the beer and oatmeal + rest is going to do the trick this time!
I've been such a night owl lately. It's strange to look at the clock and it's midnight and I'm just starting to eat my dinner of salad, oatmeal, beer. Ha ha that is a really strange combination, eh? But whatever, it's what sounds good and it's healthy so I consider it a win-win. Time has no relevance to me, it's all just a matter of if I have gotten sleep in the last 3 hours or not, and if I need to rest and/or am starting to cramp or not. Thankfully DH can take over after dinner and I am able to just go to my room and sleep for an hour like I did tonight.
Guess that's it for now, I'm going to do the bills for a while until the baby wakes up and watch an episode of Nikita, then hopefully take a quick shower & head to bed. Considering the fact that it's 10:30 right now...looks like it'll be another late one. Oh well - thankful for my friend Lucy who is coming tomorrow from 8-3 so I can nap when I need to. =)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Day 6 Postpartum - record weigh-in!
I was super happy today to weigh myself and find that I was at 145!! That is the lowest I have ever weighed at 6 days postpartum in my entire history of having kids. It was really encouraging, and means that I have 18 pounds left to lose.
Hmmm.
Still seems like alot, but hey, I clearly remember being stuck at 142-143 for AGES after having Harmony at around 2 months postpartum. That was where my weight loss stalled after the natural loss that comes from having a baby. I have a feeling maybe I'm going to stall in the 130's this time - how cool would that be?! My pre-pregnancy weight was 127, and my normal weight is 118-120. So I still have a ways to go but what the heck, it's only day 6 of postpartum so I have some time, I think!
I'm faithfully wearing my belly bandit wrap about 3/4 of the day (RA you should do this!!!) - I find that I don't like to wear it as much at night, probably because my uterus is still shrinking and it doesn't feel good to have it tight when I'm trying to relax and sleep. Last time I started wearing it at 10 days pp and wore it 24-7 so probably when I get closer to 10 days I'll start doing that again.
HAPPY to say once again, it is totally working!!! My stomach is, at this rate, going to be completely flat by 2 weeks - I'll bet!!! I can already suck it in and it's almost all the way flat except for a small pooch at the very bottom and I actually almost have a FIGURE again. SO crazy and I am SO mad that no-one ever told me about this before!! All those months after babies that I hated looking preggo still, just waiting for my tummy to go down. Somehow the organs that get pushed around and relocated just take FOREVER to get back into place, but the band just seems to help them pronto. It also helps my back and my overall feeling of torso strength to wear it. When I put it on, it's that feeling of aaaahhhhhh that feels good. I do have to say, though, that it looks RETARDED when you're wearing it, ha ha! It pushes up the back fat against my bra strap and I look like a hunchback. Good thing I can't see that in the mirror, lol!
I put on a size Medium normal Old Navy shirt today and it looks really nice! Whew, at least one thing that fits! My pre-pregnancy size was a Small/XSmall so I don't have much to choose from, but I'll take what I can get! All my pregnancy shirts look ridiculous. I'm going to go online and probably buy a few more in this size since I know it fits well - no real shopping in stores for me, it's allll about online! =) But to give you perspective, I clearly remember ordering size XXL Old Navy shirts (ha ha I just accidentally wrote "shits" - hee hee) and having them fit me just right, when I had baby #5. It still amazes me that things can be so different just because of a lifestyle change!
Nursing is going SO great - I was only engorged mildly for 24-36 hours once again, and this time it was NOT because of eating raw vegan so it must be the weight difference? That's the only thing I can think of, why my last 3 babies have been like this. The first 5 were a very painful FULL 48 hours of hard as a rock engorgement with hard to sleep, hard to nurse, etc. I am also not as sore when he latches on - I've been diligently applying Lanolin creme EVERY single time he is done. I think it's making a big difference because always by day 6 with EVERY baby I am still wincing and wondering if the baby is not latching on right and crying and wishing nursing wasn't so hard for me...it gets better around 4 weeks normally.
Also, this time I am not taking any of the normal fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, eating lots of greens, etc. The stuff I did with Harmony & Jack. It worked with Jack (nursed til 7 months), didn't with Harmony (nursed til 3 months) so....I don't know, I guess I'm not as up tight about it this time. I AM, however, eating LOTS of oatmeal (2-4 cups) and also drinking one beer each day both on the recommendation of my midwife with my last baby. Which I never followed because I was trying to be raw. We'll see - talk about a total change of techniques though! =) DH thinks it is rather cool that I am drinking beer, I've always hated it and preferred wine so we would never drink beer together. He went out and got me a 6-pack of local IPA's which are the good beer not the crappy kind, 6 different kinds, and even made up a chart listing them with a yes/no check and a rating. It warmed my heart to see him take such good care of me!
Weigh-in stats (for future reference):
Full-term: 158
Day 5: 149
Day 6: 145
Hmmm.
Still seems like alot, but hey, I clearly remember being stuck at 142-143 for AGES after having Harmony at around 2 months postpartum. That was where my weight loss stalled after the natural loss that comes from having a baby. I have a feeling maybe I'm going to stall in the 130's this time - how cool would that be?! My pre-pregnancy weight was 127, and my normal weight is 118-120. So I still have a ways to go but what the heck, it's only day 6 of postpartum so I have some time, I think!
I'm faithfully wearing my belly bandit wrap about 3/4 of the day (RA you should do this!!!) - I find that I don't like to wear it as much at night, probably because my uterus is still shrinking and it doesn't feel good to have it tight when I'm trying to relax and sleep. Last time I started wearing it at 10 days pp and wore it 24-7 so probably when I get closer to 10 days I'll start doing that again.
HAPPY to say once again, it is totally working!!! My stomach is, at this rate, going to be completely flat by 2 weeks - I'll bet!!! I can already suck it in and it's almost all the way flat except for a small pooch at the very bottom and I actually almost have a FIGURE again. SO crazy and I am SO mad that no-one ever told me about this before!! All those months after babies that I hated looking preggo still, just waiting for my tummy to go down. Somehow the organs that get pushed around and relocated just take FOREVER to get back into place, but the band just seems to help them pronto. It also helps my back and my overall feeling of torso strength to wear it. When I put it on, it's that feeling of aaaahhhhhh that feels good. I do have to say, though, that it looks RETARDED when you're wearing it, ha ha! It pushes up the back fat against my bra strap and I look like a hunchback. Good thing I can't see that in the mirror, lol!
I put on a size Medium normal Old Navy shirt today and it looks really nice! Whew, at least one thing that fits! My pre-pregnancy size was a Small/XSmall so I don't have much to choose from, but I'll take what I can get! All my pregnancy shirts look ridiculous. I'm going to go online and probably buy a few more in this size since I know it fits well - no real shopping in stores for me, it's allll about online! =) But to give you perspective, I clearly remember ordering size XXL Old Navy shirts (ha ha I just accidentally wrote "shits" - hee hee) and having them fit me just right, when I had baby #5. It still amazes me that things can be so different just because of a lifestyle change!
Nursing is going SO great - I was only engorged mildly for 24-36 hours once again, and this time it was NOT because of eating raw vegan so it must be the weight difference? That's the only thing I can think of, why my last 3 babies have been like this. The first 5 were a very painful FULL 48 hours of hard as a rock engorgement with hard to sleep, hard to nurse, etc. I am also not as sore when he latches on - I've been diligently applying Lanolin creme EVERY single time he is done. I think it's making a big difference because always by day 6 with EVERY baby I am still wincing and wondering if the baby is not latching on right and crying and wishing nursing wasn't so hard for me...it gets better around 4 weeks normally.
Also, this time I am not taking any of the normal fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, eating lots of greens, etc. The stuff I did with Harmony & Jack. It worked with Jack (nursed til 7 months), didn't with Harmony (nursed til 3 months) so....I don't know, I guess I'm not as up tight about it this time. I AM, however, eating LOTS of oatmeal (2-4 cups) and also drinking one beer each day both on the recommendation of my midwife with my last baby. Which I never followed because I was trying to be raw. We'll see - talk about a total change of techniques though! =) DH thinks it is rather cool that I am drinking beer, I've always hated it and preferred wine so we would never drink beer together. He went out and got me a 6-pack of local IPA's which are the good beer not the crappy kind, 6 different kinds, and even made up a chart listing them with a yes/no check and a rating. It warmed my heart to see him take such good care of me!
Weigh-in stats (for future reference):
Full-term: 158
Day 5: 149
Day 6: 145
Saturday, December 3, 2011
5 Days Postpartum...feeling SO much better today!
Note to self: with a new baby, no two days are ever the same! Thank goodness for that!
Last night, oh he was so sweet! No he did not sleep longer than 2 hours at a time but who cares, he went right to sleep every time he was done nursing!! That, my friends, is a miracle in itself. I didn't have to spend hours trying to figure out what he wanted, trying every single thing I could think of and he still wouldn't sleep. Yay! I feel refreshed this morning, at least, as refreshed as one can be lol.
I ended up watching Nikita at 4am, lol. I figured I might as well venture out into the living room to nurse in the night so that DH can sleep, and since it is peaceful and quiet out there with just some white Christmas lights for lighting. It was super nice, I will probably do that again - nice to make the nursing time go by quicker.
Also, he is cutting down on nursing time, yay for that! Seems to be more like 45 minutes now that I am not engorged, he is getting quicker and more efficient and doesn't fall asleep a million times, just more like a thousand. lol.
I weighed myself this morning for the first time - 148 lbs as of day 5! That is 9 pounds lost, so I still have 22 more to go. With Harmony by day 5 I weighed 150 at day 5 so it's kind of nice to know I'm a little bit ahead of myself this time.
Last night, oh he was so sweet! No he did not sleep longer than 2 hours at a time but who cares, he went right to sleep every time he was done nursing!! That, my friends, is a miracle in itself. I didn't have to spend hours trying to figure out what he wanted, trying every single thing I could think of and he still wouldn't sleep. Yay! I feel refreshed this morning, at least, as refreshed as one can be lol.
I ended up watching Nikita at 4am, lol. I figured I might as well venture out into the living room to nurse in the night so that DH can sleep, and since it is peaceful and quiet out there with just some white Christmas lights for lighting. It was super nice, I will probably do that again - nice to make the nursing time go by quicker.
Also, he is cutting down on nursing time, yay for that! Seems to be more like 45 minutes now that I am not engorged, he is getting quicker and more efficient and doesn't fall asleep a million times, just more like a thousand. lol.
I weighed myself this morning for the first time - 148 lbs as of day 5! That is 9 pounds lost, so I still have 22 more to go. With Harmony by day 5 I weighed 150 at day 5 so it's kind of nice to know I'm a little bit ahead of myself this time.
Friday, December 2, 2011
4 Days Postpartum...Dear God, please give me the strength
to endure until the end! And to know that this is only temporary...
...sigh. So here we are. I am in tears just, because. Because I can. Ha ha! Seriously though, I know with my head and my brain that hormones are seriously crashing down, and that I am operating on night #5 of 3 tiny 1-hour increments of sleep per night, with a crying baby that I don't know how to make stop which is SO frustrating when you're just dying to go to sleep. The bleeding has kicked in a bit more which means I'm doing too much, but seriously, ALL I am doing is nursing for like an hour 15 min every 3 hours, trying to sleep, trying to rest...and squeezing in a shower which wastes valuable sleep time.
Then, I just do not have time to eat! It's like should I sleep or eat, which is more important? Then I end up at 6pm having only had one bowl of oatmeal all day and I find myself breaking into a sweat and shaking and of course, feeling like crying.
Then there are the kids. They are all really sensitive and tender, from all the changes - uncertainties like the fact that I am no longer available for anything. Like, at all. DH keeps them strictly away from my bedroom door and they are only allowed to see me if he says so, or if I come out.
I cry because I don't want it to be like that for them, but I am so completely overwhelmed with being WEAK in my body and trying to just take care of Charlie and myself that I have no more room left for anything else. I feel like I am struggling not to drown, my head barely (BARELY!) above water and if I try to take care of any of my other children it will just pull me under.
We need groceries, so DH has to go to the store which leaves me with the kids, and I immediately get overwhelmed with them as they all crowd around me trying to talk at once and tell me everything. Or clamoring to touch Charlie while I'm trying to hold him and he's crying and I'm just like GET AWAY everybody!! And they look at me so sad....aack!
Oh, gosh. This is hard. But I know it's temporary, I know I will get through this and that it is NOT TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR. It's just really emotional and half the time I don't even know why I feel so overwhelmed, but I do. I feel bad that DH is having to do like 110% of all the work and then I start thinking about next week when he goes back to work and I practically start to hyperventilate. But then of course, it won't be just 4 days postpartum, it'll be 8. Hopefully it'll be better by then? I'll have more strength by then? I am also SO SO SO super thankful for my wonderful friend Lucy who comes Mondays & Thursdays from 8-3 and cleans my house, watches the children. And that DH/MIL will be bringing the kids to/from school, AND that we will have meals provided for dinner every other night (and in between will have leftovers) until the 10th. So I am taken care of, just still overwhelmed. =)
I crave routine. I love providing that for my family, doing the same things each day so they know what to expect, and it is so hard for me to just let go and let them be taken care of by others. To let their hair look that way, or send them to school with mismatched socks. Grace7 chopped her hair on one side, a big thick bunch of it, because "she was mad" she said.
So now she needs a haircut, it needs 2 inches taken off, and I wish I could just take her down to Great Clips and get it cut. But I can't. Such a weird feeling. So instead I just send her off to school looking like an orphan. I could have DH do it, but then, I have to watch the kids and I am just feeling so little strength to do that.
So. That is how I'm doing, lol! In case you were wondering. My heart goes out to anyone who has a c-section...my belly button hernia has come back now that my tummy is much smaller, and it is painful at times when I try to get up, twist, or roll over in bed. I just can't imagine in my foggiest mind, how a person would be able to go through what I am going through, + have an incision that is healing. But I do believe firmly that God knows what we need and can handle and He is ever so gently holding me now in the palm of His hands. I need to remember that often.
One thing I am thankful for - through all of this emotional turmoil and physical weakness, I have never once entertained the thought of being angry at God for bringing this upon me. Or dealt with bitter thoughts, or even the temptation for them.
Charlie is like the grand prize, the biggest blessing and the sweetest most deliciously scrumptious baby EVER. I think of that verse in James 1, that says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of light, from whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." We have been given a good and perfect gift straight from heaven, and there is no words to describe how thankful I am for him.
No, I know that this is just a time and a season, and that in just 1 week I will be feeling so much better. For now, I am comforted with that fact and that if I just take it one day at a time, it will be easier that way. No need to borrow trouble for the next few days.
And, I am so thankful once again that I don't have a terminal illness, or even an illness for that matter! I have a very good and perfect thing going on for me. =)
...sigh. So here we are. I am in tears just, because. Because I can. Ha ha! Seriously though, I know with my head and my brain that hormones are seriously crashing down, and that I am operating on night #5 of 3 tiny 1-hour increments of sleep per night, with a crying baby that I don't know how to make stop which is SO frustrating when you're just dying to go to sleep. The bleeding has kicked in a bit more which means I'm doing too much, but seriously, ALL I am doing is nursing for like an hour 15 min every 3 hours, trying to sleep, trying to rest...and squeezing in a shower which wastes valuable sleep time.
Then, I just do not have time to eat! It's like should I sleep or eat, which is more important? Then I end up at 6pm having only had one bowl of oatmeal all day and I find myself breaking into a sweat and shaking and of course, feeling like crying.
Then there are the kids. They are all really sensitive and tender, from all the changes - uncertainties like the fact that I am no longer available for anything. Like, at all. DH keeps them strictly away from my bedroom door and they are only allowed to see me if he says so, or if I come out.
I cry because I don't want it to be like that for them, but I am so completely overwhelmed with being WEAK in my body and trying to just take care of Charlie and myself that I have no more room left for anything else. I feel like I am struggling not to drown, my head barely (BARELY!) above water and if I try to take care of any of my other children it will just pull me under.
We need groceries, so DH has to go to the store which leaves me with the kids, and I immediately get overwhelmed with them as they all crowd around me trying to talk at once and tell me everything. Or clamoring to touch Charlie while I'm trying to hold him and he's crying and I'm just like GET AWAY everybody!! And they look at me so sad....aack!
Oh, gosh. This is hard. But I know it's temporary, I know I will get through this and that it is NOT TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR. It's just really emotional and half the time I don't even know why I feel so overwhelmed, but I do. I feel bad that DH is having to do like 110% of all the work and then I start thinking about next week when he goes back to work and I practically start to hyperventilate. But then of course, it won't be just 4 days postpartum, it'll be 8. Hopefully it'll be better by then? I'll have more strength by then? I am also SO SO SO super thankful for my wonderful friend Lucy who comes Mondays & Thursdays from 8-3 and cleans my house, watches the children. And that DH/MIL will be bringing the kids to/from school, AND that we will have meals provided for dinner every other night (and in between will have leftovers) until the 10th. So I am taken care of, just still overwhelmed. =)
I crave routine. I love providing that for my family, doing the same things each day so they know what to expect, and it is so hard for me to just let go and let them be taken care of by others. To let their hair look that way, or send them to school with mismatched socks. Grace7 chopped her hair on one side, a big thick bunch of it, because "she was mad" she said.
So now she needs a haircut, it needs 2 inches taken off, and I wish I could just take her down to Great Clips and get it cut. But I can't. Such a weird feeling. So instead I just send her off to school looking like an orphan. I could have DH do it, but then, I have to watch the kids and I am just feeling so little strength to do that.
So. That is how I'm doing, lol! In case you were wondering. My heart goes out to anyone who has a c-section...my belly button hernia has come back now that my tummy is much smaller, and it is painful at times when I try to get up, twist, or roll over in bed. I just can't imagine in my foggiest mind, how a person would be able to go through what I am going through, + have an incision that is healing. But I do believe firmly that God knows what we need and can handle and He is ever so gently holding me now in the palm of His hands. I need to remember that often.
One thing I am thankful for - through all of this emotional turmoil and physical weakness, I have never once entertained the thought of being angry at God for bringing this upon me. Or dealt with bitter thoughts, or even the temptation for them.
Charlie is like the grand prize, the biggest blessing and the sweetest most deliciously scrumptious baby EVER. I think of that verse in James 1, that says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of light, from whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." We have been given a good and perfect gift straight from heaven, and there is no words to describe how thankful I am for him.
No, I know that this is just a time and a season, and that in just 1 week I will be feeling so much better. For now, I am comforted with that fact and that if I just take it one day at a time, it will be easier that way. No need to borrow trouble for the next few days.
And, I am so thankful once again that I don't have a terminal illness, or even an illness for that matter! I have a very good and perfect thing going on for me. =)
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