Week 10, Day 3 - Rough night at the white throne

I had my worst night with nausea last night - it was a combination of bad food choices, I think. I had alot of reese's pieces cookies, then bbq chips, then about 8 hours later, 3 deep fried egg rolls and a Thai rice stir fry. Oh, how I did pay for that throughout the night! Twice I made trips to the white throne, after tossing and turning and moaning and feeling SO sick until about 4am.

Even now it is 11am and I still feel queasy, with a raw throat to boot. I was so looking forward to this day - it is supposed to be 70 degrees and sunny, our warmest day yet! Macleay has a fun day planned for the children with children's meeting, everyone eating lunch afterwards, then 3 hours of play on the playground until activity club starts.

I was looking forward to hanging with my friends in the sun, enjoying a relaxing day at beautiful Macleay...but alas, it is not meant to be.

I am convinced that it is my food choices. Yesterday I had several raw food choices in the morning and I think if I had kept on that course, I would be able to go to the meeting today.

So with a renewed mind I am determined to eat all raw each and every day - and it is my hope that this will change the way I feel. We'll see.

Bret took the six (!!) older ones to the meeting - he saw how sick I was throughout the night and my weary attempts to get the kids ready this morning were about all I could handle. It was nice of him to volunteer to take Jack who is 3 - not the easiest age to sit all through the 1 1/2 hour meeting. I sent along a couple of new activity books for the 2 younger ones, 3 & 4 - so hopefully that will help.

Of course there was the normal stomping of feet and acting out by Grace (6) who didn't understand WHY she couldn't wear her princess dress for the meeting...her activity club at 4pm is having a princess party so she had to bring it to change into later. But WHY?!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!! she kept yelling.

And my oldest, Rachel, who is 11 going on 15 - WHY do I have to go to Macleay, I don't WANT TO GO.......as is a typical scenario for her. I was not up to combatting their arguments this morning so finally I just said I'm sorry but I am feeling really sick because I threw up all night - I am not going to argue with you about this. You are GOING. Period.

So now they are all gone and the house is peaceful and quiet with just Harmony, 22 months, and I. She is puttering about the little playhouse in the backyard in the sun in her cute little new summer outfit, holding her blankie. So precious, and such a nice opportunity to pretend that it's just me and Rachel, again.

LOL do you ever do that? Close your eyes and remember how it was when you had *just* one. How much work it SEEMED at the time, how you would look at others with 2-3 and wonder how in the world they did it?? And yet, how special...oh, how special to sit there and cuddle your sweet baby with no distractions. How clean your house always was (well, I think I could have done MUCH better with that, I really had NO excuse!!!)....

...and then I bring myself to reality and realize that I have SIX additional children now! It's almost surreal when I think about it, I mean, it's not like I necessarily planned to have this many. It's mind boggling to me, and I feel so very .... what's the word... just not CAPABLE of raising this many kids.

Not capable of doing everything that needs to be done, in fact, MUST be done. Just dentist appointments alone - there are 6 of them that need their checkups right now, I got the cards in the mail last week.

But the thing is, and like you write often Tereza, I DON'T do it all. I can't, it's impossible - I just do it one at a time and then it gets done. My house is NEVER clean all the way, 100%. There is ALWAYS a bathroom that needs clean, even though the kitchen looks deliciously sparkling. Or the kitchen is in sad need of help, whereas the yard? Oh yes, the YARD looks soooo nice!

And just so we're clear, we live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath 1190 square foot home. So for THAT, in this way, I am thankful because while we are pretty squished, I don't know how I would be able to handle 3 bathrooms, and more living area to clean. I know someday we will (hopefully!) move to a bigger home, and at the time I'm sure we will adjust, but for now I am thankful for the smaller square footage when it comes to cleaning.

I never thought it possible to be pulled in so many directions. And yet, I struggle with guilt that I am not doing my job, that the house is messy AGAIN and it falls on me to be in charge of getting it clean. YES I know my children can help, and they MUST and they DO - but it is the teaching that is the hardest, I think.

The hope that they have in their little minds, that maybe if they just sweep in the general main area of the bathroom and conveniently forget behind the door and the toilet, that maybe Mom won't notice. So it's not just that I tell them to do it, and it's done - I must go back, sometimes 2-3x, and make them do it over, and over, and over. I know you know what I'm talking about. =)

Jeanette has assured me that this is SO worth it and they DO "get it" in the end and just to keep trying (she is expecting baby #10) - so that is what my goal is to do, each and every day.

All the while, listening to their dreams from last night. Talking about modesty with the girls. Teaching brothers not to hit their sisters. No no no, that is NOT how you brush your teeth - it should take LONGER than 6 seconds....! Your hair still doesn't look clean, go take ANOTHER shower and try getting LOTS of soap suds in your hair this time. Those heels just make the dress look a little...trashy, especially for the meeting. Can you wear flats with that dress? No? No, I don't know where your other boot is....and no, it is not my fault...

...and then the praise - THANK YOU for buckling the baby in her carseat! That was so nice of you to use your own money to buy an extra strawberry plant for your brother. Thank you for doing the dishes with no complaining, you are such a good boy! Wow, you cleaned out the pens drawer without me asking, "just because" ??? =)

Lots of reflection happens when the children aren't around. =)