...and funny thing is, I really don't even care. I haven't weighed myself but I KNOW I'm not losing for sure - I've probably gained maybe 5 pounds this Christmas season. It's kind of nice not to care, and actually, I feel like whenever I look in the mirror it's through the fog anyway so I don't get a clear look at myself so I don't care. For now, it seems that eating yummy things is 1) fun during the holidays and 2)something I can look forward to in this endless loop of little sleep/nursing/taking care of littles. I know EXACTLY how to get it off once I do start on February 1st so I'm not worried about it. I just have to keep the depressed thoughts at bay and seriously NOT care how I look - which is great while around the house but once I start socializing, not so easy. Oh well, since I know I've been thin before and know how to get there, I'm kind of just enjoying this time and LOVING chocolate. So there! =) hee hee
Currently, my schedule:
Nighttime feedings, usually around 1am, 4am, 7am, 10am. The kids are SO sweet to take care of each other and play quietly while I sleep -- my 2year old stays in her crib dozing or playing with her older sisters in their room. I've asked them not to get her out of her crib so that she doesn't come bang on my door. Since they are all on a 10pm bedtime sort of schedule it works out ok to get her up that late, otherwise I would feel bad. =(
Get up, share the baby with all his siblings as they still clamor to take turns to hold him. He's at his most delightful in the morning for about half an hour after a good sleep and full tummy so they enjoy him alot while I get the littles diaper's changed, dressed, myself dressed.
Except today it is 2pm and I'm still not dressed. It's like hmmm...should I do x or x? Get dressed OR clean up the cereal bowls on the table before the 2 year old decides to play dump the milk into the bowls over & over? lol!
At 1pm Charlie is ready to nurse again so I do that with littles climbing all over me - then make lunch, with usually at least 3 of them clamoring to help and wanting to sit on the tiny counter while I try to lay out 7 plates. It's tricky and I'm learning that if I'm going to be in a good mood and let them help me (which I DO want to, I love to let them help, but being so tired everything is kind of on a short fuse with me, =() then I need to make sure I've eaten something good for breakfast that does NOT include dairy or flour or sugar. Hmph. Pretty much everything. LOL
By the time I'm ready to lay down with the 3 little ones, Charlie is awake again. So it's been tricky trying to figure out how to juggle the whole naptime thing --- which is partly why I'm looking forward to being on a schedule again with school and all. At 1pm Jack4 and Harmony2 are NOT ready for a nap, but Charlie is.
I think I'm rambling. At least, I am trying to wrap my head around my "schedule" as it were, and I can't really even figure it out. Ha ha! Sigh.
I put on some BMM songs yesterday and they were like balm to my spirit. I've been in such a fog, trying to basically survive, to be a million and one people to everyone in my house that needs it (Mom, wife, comforter, cleaner, friend, listener, etc you get the picture) that I forget to nourish my own spirit for strength from above. And it is amazing how much of a difference, how completely it turns my world right side up again and I see everything in the right perspective.
I am seeing so much of myself...that I am such a naturally selfish person who rebells against having to go through this time because it is hard for ME. It's good to remember that this is a beautiful life I've been given and I truly do LOVE where I am in right now!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
New Taylor family picture!
This year I had NO energy to get the whole family together for a picture, but our last one was taken 2 years ago so we really wanted to send one out to family and friends. My sister used a super awesome camera + her talents to help me out...LOVE how it turned out! What do you think?
Here's my most recent FAVE picture of Charlie too. =)
And...a closeup of everyone's favorite picture in the group...
4 Weeks postpartum & more overwhelmed than ever...
I don't think anyone is actually "cut out" to have this many kids with a newborn in the house! It's crazy how that one little baby just strips the Mom of any and all ability to cope...! Like, I can take care of my home and my family --- but when you add in soreness from breastfeeding, sore wrists from nursing, stiff & aching body from so many hours of nursing (hmmm I'm seeing a trend here...currently I am NOT enjoying nursing) and then the hours lost of sleep - it just makes for a really overwhelmed Mom who can't handle loud noises (yeah, not so quiet with 8 kids in an 1190 square food house and half of them are sick so they keep crying about everything) and aaack! The messy house is driving me batty and yet when I get like one little minute of free time I definitely don't want to spend it cleaning. Right now I NEED to be taking my midday nap while Charlie sleeps but instead I made some eggs and am snatching a little moment online. I hope against hope that when I go in to lie down, he won't start fidgeting and fussing again. Good thing he's so darn CUTE lol!
Last night Charlie had little fits and tiny moments of sleep until 3am. That was rough - I think I've been eating too much chocolate??? So I am cutting wayyy down on that today to see if that is the problem. But as I was drifting in and out of sleep in between his little naps, I was praying that God would help me to be thankful. I have so much to be thankful for!!! And it really helps when I have that overcoming spirit of thankfulness, because then in a way, everything He sends my way is too good for me, you know?
I'm looking forward to next week when the kids will be in school again so maybe I can make a dent in cleaning and it won't be so loud in here during the day. But then I also dread having to wake the baby up at 6am to nurse so that we'll have enough time to get everyone ready and out the door. And what if he is just barely settling down for a nap by the time we have to leave to get them at 3pm? And I miss my window for a nap and then have to go the rest of the day on zero tolerance? Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh my brain is just mush thinking about it.
Gotta' run, my 10 min window of time is over. =)
Last night Charlie had little fits and tiny moments of sleep until 3am. That was rough - I think I've been eating too much chocolate??? So I am cutting wayyy down on that today to see if that is the problem. But as I was drifting in and out of sleep in between his little naps, I was praying that God would help me to be thankful. I have so much to be thankful for!!! And it really helps when I have that overcoming spirit of thankfulness, because then in a way, everything He sends my way is too good for me, you know?
I'm looking forward to next week when the kids will be in school again so maybe I can make a dent in cleaning and it won't be so loud in here during the day. But then I also dread having to wake the baby up at 6am to nurse so that we'll have enough time to get everyone ready and out the door. And what if he is just barely settling down for a nap by the time we have to leave to get them at 3pm? And I miss my window for a nap and then have to go the rest of the day on zero tolerance? Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh my brain is just mush thinking about it.
Gotta' run, my 10 min window of time is over. =)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
2 Weeks (+ 2 days) - Weigh-in, I feel FAB, & our first outing!
Two weeks was actually 2 days ago, lol, but...well, you take what you can get when it comes to time to post!
This is my favorite picture of Charlie so far - he is just 4 days old here with my MIL who has been such a huge help driving the kids to & from school! If you look carefully in the background you can see my bedroom --- *love* - and the white dresser/changetable with a mirror that I fixed up, and envisioned as a peaceful place while in labor. See my cute little diaper holder, the black & white thing with a gray ribbon flower? Fun!
I weighed in at 143 pounds on the 14-day mark which means I have exactly half of my weight gained left to lose: 16 pounds. Why does that still seem like so much? Maybe because with Jack I only had like NINE left to lose by now. Ah well, I'm not even remotely eating raw vegan right now so I shouldn't be surprised. I'm glad to have lost a little more though, and would be SUPER de DUPER happy if I could get down to the 130's before I start my kick-butt weight loss routine in February. I think if I watch what I eat moderately it will happen - and not eat 10 chocolate chip cookies in one sitting like I JUST NOW DID (hmmmm) even if they ARE mini cookies. =) =)
Someone described it as "deep hunger" when you are nursing. It seems to be so true -- I am ALL about fasting and know exactly what it feels like to be super hungry. And yet, it doesn't seem quite as intense as the hunger you experience when nursing...it's like God knew when he made woman that she would be longing to lose the weight after baby, even immediately after, but He made SURE that the hunger would be so intense that she is like NOM NOM to everything in sight, ha ha! That's me too, even at midnight. I try to keep goodies out of the house because when it hits I literally will be like a drug addict, searching out ANYTHING that involves baked goods or chocolate. Strangely enough, ice cream holds no interest for me....??? Weird.
So on this day -- I feel SO great. Last week was pretty intense, but this week - ow, baby!! I feel fantastic. Mostly because my huge tummy that was so heavy..is GONE. Yay for baby coming out! And my bleeding is virtually nonexistant now, thank the good Lord above (hate that).
But just as an FYI, I am not doing much cleaning or anything that really takes exertion right now. I am relying heavily on Lucy who comes 2x a week to do the deep cleaning of bathrooms/vacuuming/kitchen -- and then each day all of my kids clean the whole house usually twice. It's kind of cool having so many kids because they are each in charge of one room, and since our house is small - all I have to do is announce that we're cleaning the rooms we're in charge of in 5 minutes (it works well to prepare them) and in about 15 minutes, the whole house is clean. They are also in charge of everything dishes and laundry related, although I do fold/put away mine & DH's and Charlie's clothes.
I feel like, this has been the best time of postpartum I have ever had. I really, really was dreading that part ... that, and the birth. Just one of those things that are inevitable and no matter what I do, I HAVE to go through it. And the unknown. But anyway, the past 2 weeks have been a dream...I know it has been HUGELY in part to the excellent care I have had. Funny to think that the 8th baby would be my best time of healing, of postpartum, eh? Maybe it's because I am not trying to do everything on my own, I'm letting people help.
But MOST of all, it is Charlie. He is the sweetest baby, honestly, I think of all that I have ever had. He nurses PERFECTLY and has now gotten it down to a science (well, almost - he still falls asleep too much in my opinion lol) so where it used to take me 1 hr and 15 min to nurse him (omg my butt would get NUMB!!), it now takes approx 25-30 min.
So because of THAT, my nights have been just wonderful! He does his 3-hour routine almost down to the MINUTE, it's so funny - he wakes up at midnight, nurses/gets changed/burped etc for about 45 minutes (of which I enjoy watching Nikita - thanks for the idea, Jen! I've already watched 1 1/2 entire seasons since he was born, lol), then I lay him down in his bed (even if he's awake, he's sooo good!) and he goes to sleep within minutes. Sleeps the night away and then I wake up to hear his little cry, look at the clock, and sure enough - it's 3am! Rinse, repeat. =) Very rarely does he cry and cry...that has only happened twice since he was born, that he wouldn't go back to sleep at night.
As a result I wake up feeling pretty darn refreshed in the morning - the past few mornings I've woken up at 8am to help get the kids out the door, then nurse him and go about my day with the little ones. By noon I am about pooped, I can feel I'm starting to get kind of dizzy and my heart is pounding, so...time for naps, everyone! Since Charlie sleeps 2 out of 3 hours, it's fairly easy to coordinate his nap with the little ones because Harmony sleeps for 3 hours, and Jack for 1 1/2. I put H down from 12:30-3:30, and then as soon as Charlie goes to sleep I put Jack to bed and am able to sleep for a good 1 1/2 hours.
I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the mayhem of receiving 4 bigger kids after school, and do the necessary busy stuff to get dinner ready, etc. But once dinner is on the table and at about 7pm, I need to lay down again...so slowly but surely I am emerging from the fog of postpartum-ness.
I am fortunate in that we are almost to the Christmas break, which means no school - yay! DH has been taking the kids to & from school every day, and my MIL picks up my kinder. See? I'm taken such good care of! No wonder Charlie is on such a good schedule...he never needs to be interrupted to go anywhere.
Today, though, I was just itching to venture out of this house. Five of my kids need haircuts - Harmony's hair has never been cut and in it's 2 1/2 year old state is kind of sorry looking. Oh, actually, Marie5 cut her hair, chopped it at almost the scalp (of course!) when she was 1 1/2 and now it's finally growing out to look normal. But still scraggly in the back especially. Jack and Isaac just need normal boy haircuts cuz it's been 2 months since their last one.
Grace7? Oh yeah....THAT has been driving me nuts. She decided to chop ONE side of her hair because she was mad, she said. So one side is approx the length of her chin in the front, and all the rest is below her shoulders. And since I've been MIA for the past like, 3-4 weeks --- ugh. She looks like an orphan. The 5th one is James10, and he refuses to get his done at the hair shop, so I have to do that one myself.
Anyway, I felt like it would work this morning so I put Charlie in his carseat for his nap instead of his bed, quickly got the littles ready to go, and RAN to the hair shop. Jack & Harmony are now sporting the cutest little haircuts, and Charlie slept through the whole thing - yay!
Better run...naptime! Oops, it's already 1pm and I haven't put Harmony down yet...and I'm starting to feel kind of crampy like I've done too much. So - time to sleep. =)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Day 12 Postpartum - I kind of flipped out and CLEANED like crazy!
It has been wearing on me for the past oh, 2 months or so, that I can't clean my house! Aaaaagh! People come and help and it is SO so so nice and so necessary, especially in the last weeks of pregnancy and of course in the postpartum time when I have been working on healing, keeping my milk supply up, etc. But no-one cleans like the queen of the home, you know? NOT that I am a clean freak - just look at my cuboards, um...yeah.
So not even deep cleaning is what I'm talking about. I'm referring to those spots, you know the ones I'm sure, where stuff, just JUNK, stacks up until it's like this mountain. It's stuff that only I know where it goes like papers, or even dumb little things that people cleaning don't know where they go - baggies of hairband, a bottle of facial cleanser, a pair of scissors. Then there are the school papers and the "important" papers like bills and other things maybe I just needed to put in a spot to keep it safe until I could actually put it away where it goes.
Then, the nooks and crannies. Under the laundry baskets that never get moved because they house each kids' laundry, behind the basket of books, stuff that has somehow found it's way under the desk. It was driving me NUTS because even when the room was tidied, it looked kind of messy. And of course add ANY more mess and it immediately looked awful again.
So I got up from a good 2 hour nap, and just dove in. I felt like I was physically able to do it and it felt SO awesome to just put my hand to the task and work!! I picked up so much stuff and threw tons of it away, sorted legos and train tracks that were tucked here and there, put them away. Then I picked up everything off the floor and DH graciously vacuumed in *extreme* vacuum style, all the edges and everywhere. Now it looks awesome!!
Then I tackled the kitchen - it was the same, the counters were clean but BEHIND the juicers which I am no longer using, was lots of crumbs and the counters just looked MESSY no matter what. Recycling stacked in a corner, tons of papers waiting to be put away, even a little cup of water with paintbrushes still soaking after like 2 weeks that no-one knows what to do with except me.
Now the kitchen looks awesome, I am SO all about less is better! Love it - at least 2 of the rooms in the house are now cleaned up to par, and it just feels GREAT to be able to do this again, myself, and not have to have others do it for me. I love being the queen of my home and can't wait to gradually get back into doing it again - just making the house run smoothly.
And exercising....hmmm...I know I told myself that I wouldn't worry about any of that, about dieting or eating a certain way, until February 1st. It was and still is super nice to have that relaxed attitude but......at the same time, I am SO SO SO chomping at the bit to just do a good hard workout! Tereza every time you mention it I just can FEEL the endorphins...aagh! I can't wait.
I am actually eating pretty clean, mostly oatmeal and salad and beer. =) With the occasional sweet thing like, 5 reese's peanut butter cups today. =) I weighed myself yesterday and I am still at 145 which means no weight loss in about a week - strange. But no worries, I know how to get it off and plan to do that HARDCORE as soon as I feel I am physically able and can also figure out how to do the whole calorie thing while nursing.
Anyway - good overall day today even though I was KILLER tired from being stupid and hanging on the computer last night while I should have been sleeping. By the time I actually with great relief laid down to sleep, after maybe...10 minutes the baby had finished his 3-hour routine and was ready to nurse. So another 45 minutes of nursing and finally got to sleep from 2am-4am, then began the 3-hour routine all over again. Nurse 45 min, up for 15, then sleep for 1.5-2 hours. Rinse, repeat all day/night long. Which I love, it is so awesome to have that reliability! Love you Charlie bear!
So not even deep cleaning is what I'm talking about. I'm referring to those spots, you know the ones I'm sure, where stuff, just JUNK, stacks up until it's like this mountain. It's stuff that only I know where it goes like papers, or even dumb little things that people cleaning don't know where they go - baggies of hairband, a bottle of facial cleanser, a pair of scissors. Then there are the school papers and the "important" papers like bills and other things maybe I just needed to put in a spot to keep it safe until I could actually put it away where it goes.
Then, the nooks and crannies. Under the laundry baskets that never get moved because they house each kids' laundry, behind the basket of books, stuff that has somehow found it's way under the desk. It was driving me NUTS because even when the room was tidied, it looked kind of messy. And of course add ANY more mess and it immediately looked awful again.
So I got up from a good 2 hour nap, and just dove in. I felt like I was physically able to do it and it felt SO awesome to just put my hand to the task and work!! I picked up so much stuff and threw tons of it away, sorted legos and train tracks that were tucked here and there, put them away. Then I picked up everything off the floor and DH graciously vacuumed in *extreme* vacuum style, all the edges and everywhere. Now it looks awesome!!
Then I tackled the kitchen - it was the same, the counters were clean but BEHIND the juicers which I am no longer using, was lots of crumbs and the counters just looked MESSY no matter what. Recycling stacked in a corner, tons of papers waiting to be put away, even a little cup of water with paintbrushes still soaking after like 2 weeks that no-one knows what to do with except me.
Now the kitchen looks awesome, I am SO all about less is better! Love it - at least 2 of the rooms in the house are now cleaned up to par, and it just feels GREAT to be able to do this again, myself, and not have to have others do it for me. I love being the queen of my home and can't wait to gradually get back into doing it again - just making the house run smoothly.
And exercising....hmmm...I know I told myself that I wouldn't worry about any of that, about dieting or eating a certain way, until February 1st. It was and still is super nice to have that relaxed attitude but......at the same time, I am SO SO SO chomping at the bit to just do a good hard workout! Tereza every time you mention it I just can FEEL the endorphins...aagh! I can't wait.
I am actually eating pretty clean, mostly oatmeal and salad and beer. =) With the occasional sweet thing like, 5 reese's peanut butter cups today. =) I weighed myself yesterday and I am still at 145 which means no weight loss in about a week - strange. But no worries, I know how to get it off and plan to do that HARDCORE as soon as I feel I am physically able and can also figure out how to do the whole calorie thing while nursing.
Anyway - good overall day today even though I was KILLER tired from being stupid and hanging on the computer last night while I should have been sleeping. By the time I actually with great relief laid down to sleep, after maybe...10 minutes the baby had finished his 3-hour routine and was ready to nurse. So another 45 minutes of nursing and finally got to sleep from 2am-4am, then began the 3-hour routine all over again. Nurse 45 min, up for 15, then sleep for 1.5-2 hours. Rinse, repeat all day/night long. Which I love, it is so awesome to have that reliability! Love you Charlie bear!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Day 10 Postpartum - Starting to wear thin
Patience, that is. Not thin clothes. =)
I'm going on my 12th night tonight, of little sleep - usually I get 2 2-hour increments of sleep, sometimes 3 if I'm lucky and it lands in the right place. The past couple of days I've only been able to get 2 more 1 hour increments during the day.
Hmmm. Maybe I should just stop counting it like that, and go with how many hours of sleep I've gotten in the past, well, hour. LOL.
Anyway, it's starting to wear on me. I'm feeling weary, and I feel like my face has this perpectual swollen/just woke up look. Good thing that little Charlie bear is so darn cute. I hear his cry in the night and it jars me out of my sleep immediately, I know God meant for it to be that way so that Mama doesn't accidentally sleep through it because she's so tired!
My brain is all mushy and all I want to do is go to sleep, to ignore the cry...but then he becomes more insistent so I get up and pick him up so he doesn't wake DH up longer than is necessary, and there he is - little red face, fists all flailing and his mouth trying to grab onto whichever part of his fist happens to land close enough. Sooooo cute! So innocent and needing to eat and all he's doing is the best way he knows how to, cry until he gets fed.
It's interesting how life is like this - times where you feel like you're nearing the end of your rope, where you are not just physically tired, but tired OF feeling tired, y'know? And tired of the seemingly endless stream of days and nights that blur into each other -- meanwhile the house is in a constant state of disarray...not that it's trashed or anything, the kids & DH are able to keep it picked up - but it's all the things that I normally would do that aren't getting done. Simply because, well, I'm nursing for like 23 hours a day =) =) and also because I can tell that my energy is not yet up to par - so if I don't conserve it for taking care of the kids then I won't have any left to give.
I remember in pregnancies past that I would reach a point, both in the nausea phase AND in the last few months phase, where I simply have to lift up my hands to God and just give myself to Him. I reach the end of myself and know that I simply can.not.go.on by myself - it has to be He who carries me the rest of the way. And almost always, at least I clearly remember it this way, it happens to be very close to the turning point where things change and get easier.
So! With that history in mind, and thinking about the Israelites and how they always complained and BECAUSE OF THAT God allowed them to wander in the wilderness for 40 years (!!!) --- despite many many miracles --- I am going to be thankful for this time I am in. SO thankful that the birth went well, that my baby is healthy and actually a really good baby that lets me sleep for 2 hours at a time instead of 20 minutes!!!
I think that thankfulness is a powerful tool that the enemy really doesn't know what to do with. It baffles him. So I'm going to use that every time I start feeling weary in my spirit of the situation God has given me.
Soon enough, I'll be able to exercise again and feel strong in my body and capable of doing things quickly and easily. Soon enough, I'll be able to look at my home and think, "Hmmm...I think today I'm going to clean!!" and actually be able to do it and not be so wiped out that I am good for nothing the rest of the day. Soon enough I'll be able to go on dates with DH....will be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time...will be able to fit into my clothes again...will be able to give my kids the attention and love they need.
Until then...in quietness and confidence shall be my strength. And thankfulness. =)
I'm going on my 12th night tonight, of little sleep - usually I get 2 2-hour increments of sleep, sometimes 3 if I'm lucky and it lands in the right place. The past couple of days I've only been able to get 2 more 1 hour increments during the day.
Hmmm. Maybe I should just stop counting it like that, and go with how many hours of sleep I've gotten in the past, well, hour. LOL.
Anyway, it's starting to wear on me. I'm feeling weary, and I feel like my face has this perpectual swollen/just woke up look. Good thing that little Charlie bear is so darn cute. I hear his cry in the night and it jars me out of my sleep immediately, I know God meant for it to be that way so that Mama doesn't accidentally sleep through it because she's so tired!
My brain is all mushy and all I want to do is go to sleep, to ignore the cry...but then he becomes more insistent so I get up and pick him up so he doesn't wake DH up longer than is necessary, and there he is - little red face, fists all flailing and his mouth trying to grab onto whichever part of his fist happens to land close enough. Sooooo cute! So innocent and needing to eat and all he's doing is the best way he knows how to, cry until he gets fed.
It's interesting how life is like this - times where you feel like you're nearing the end of your rope, where you are not just physically tired, but tired OF feeling tired, y'know? And tired of the seemingly endless stream of days and nights that blur into each other -- meanwhile the house is in a constant state of disarray...not that it's trashed or anything, the kids & DH are able to keep it picked up - but it's all the things that I normally would do that aren't getting done. Simply because, well, I'm nursing for like 23 hours a day =) =) and also because I can tell that my energy is not yet up to par - so if I don't conserve it for taking care of the kids then I won't have any left to give.
I remember in pregnancies past that I would reach a point, both in the nausea phase AND in the last few months phase, where I simply have to lift up my hands to God and just give myself to Him. I reach the end of myself and know that I simply can.not.go.on by myself - it has to be He who carries me the rest of the way. And almost always, at least I clearly remember it this way, it happens to be very close to the turning point where things change and get easier.
So! With that history in mind, and thinking about the Israelites and how they always complained and BECAUSE OF THAT God allowed them to wander in the wilderness for 40 years (!!!) --- despite many many miracles --- I am going to be thankful for this time I am in. SO thankful that the birth went well, that my baby is healthy and actually a really good baby that lets me sleep for 2 hours at a time instead of 20 minutes!!!
I think that thankfulness is a powerful tool that the enemy really doesn't know what to do with. It baffles him. So I'm going to use that every time I start feeling weary in my spirit of the situation God has given me.
Soon enough, I'll be able to exercise again and feel strong in my body and capable of doing things quickly and easily. Soon enough, I'll be able to look at my home and think, "Hmmm...I think today I'm going to clean!!" and actually be able to do it and not be so wiped out that I am good for nothing the rest of the day. Soon enough I'll be able to go on dates with DH....will be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time...will be able to fit into my clothes again...will be able to give my kids the attention and love they need.
Until then...in quietness and confidence shall be my strength. And thankfulness. =)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Day 8 Postpartum - Doing well!
Today was my first day "flying solo" as DH went back to work. I didn't feel like I was ready yesterday, so I'm glad he stayed home one more day. But today was perfect, although a little hectic with a doctor's appointment for Charlie & I. I hate appointments, always have & always will - how they mess up my day's routine. =)
I was a bit nervous as to how it would go, my first outing with the baby - especially since he is on such an amazing schedule. He is naturally following BabyWise and has been for the past 5 days, I am just holding my breath that it continues because I LOVE it!!!
Basically he wakes up at, say, 10am, and nurses for 45 minutes in between a poop/change or two. And a few times of unlatching him when he falls asleep while nursing and setting him down in which case he promptly wakes up and wants more. =) He then stays awake (or I try to keep him awake during the day, but at night I let him go right to sleep) for 10-15 minutes while the kids hold him, or I talk to him - he's so sweet how he just stares at me wide-eyed in wonder over everything going on around him. He hears very well and will follow my eyes if I move my head, listening very closely to what I am saying. So sweet. =)
Then I lay him down in his bed in the same position every time, on his side tucked close to the edge of the bed so his little fists are right there if he wants to suck on something. So far he refuses a pacifier - he seems to prefer the Nuk brand size 2, which I only had one of and lost it, of course! The other SIX that I stocked up on were size 1 which is a tiny nipple, the cheap Walmart brand and he hates those and has never liked them. But anyway, he still doesn't like a pacifier at ALL if he's crying or upset in any way - he's only content to suck on it if he's already content. So what's the good in that, anyway?? So I'm hoping that he'll just find his fists because I don't know what I'll do once I try to go somewhere with him and he's crying like in church or the car.
He goes to sleep on his own SO well!!! And then sleeps like clockwork to almost the exact mark of 3 hours since he woke up the 1st time. It's really strange but SO welcome for me because it eliminates those late, late hours in the night when the baby has nursed, and been changed, and SHOULD be asleep but will.not.go.to.sleep and Mama is so frustrated and so tired and the tears come. I have been spared that except for one night and I am so thankful because I feel like because of that, I've been able to get pretty good sleep! Granted, it's just 1 to 1 1/2 hour increments at a time (and I am catching up on the entire season of Nikita rather quickly because of all the 1am, 4am, etc feedings lol!) but at least I can put him down, look at my watch, and know that for the next hour I am guaranteed sleep if all goes well.
DH dropped the kids off at school for me this morning, and my MIL graciously took the two little ones for the morning, so I was able to sleep until 11:15 at which time I jumped out of bed and went to make lunch for the 3 littles who were due to walk in the door at any time. So I was "alone" with the 4 younger kids 5,3,2,0 from then until 3:30 when DH brought the kids home from school.
Then we (DH, DD2, DS3, Baby, me) jumped in the car and drove to the appointment which we were 15 min late. I could tell my body didn't like all the crazy trying to get out of there on time-ness, lol, it did not approve of my trying to move quickly to get things done. It rather likes the slow movements and lots of resting I've been doing instead. So that kind of wore me out - but good results, the baby weighed 7lbs 3oz on day 3, and today weighed 7lbs 13oz on day 8. I am always concerned about weight gain because my milk just has problems, but hopefully the beer and oatmeal + rest is going to do the trick this time!
I've been such a night owl lately. It's strange to look at the clock and it's midnight and I'm just starting to eat my dinner of salad, oatmeal, beer. Ha ha that is a really strange combination, eh? But whatever, it's what sounds good and it's healthy so I consider it a win-win. Time has no relevance to me, it's all just a matter of if I have gotten sleep in the last 3 hours or not, and if I need to rest and/or am starting to cramp or not. Thankfully DH can take over after dinner and I am able to just go to my room and sleep for an hour like I did tonight.
Guess that's it for now, I'm going to do the bills for a while until the baby wakes up and watch an episode of Nikita, then hopefully take a quick shower & head to bed. Considering the fact that it's 10:30 right now...looks like it'll be another late one. Oh well - thankful for my friend Lucy who is coming tomorrow from 8-3 so I can nap when I need to. =)
I was a bit nervous as to how it would go, my first outing with the baby - especially since he is on such an amazing schedule. He is naturally following BabyWise and has been for the past 5 days, I am just holding my breath that it continues because I LOVE it!!!
Basically he wakes up at, say, 10am, and nurses for 45 minutes in between a poop/change or two. And a few times of unlatching him when he falls asleep while nursing and setting him down in which case he promptly wakes up and wants more. =) He then stays awake (or I try to keep him awake during the day, but at night I let him go right to sleep) for 10-15 minutes while the kids hold him, or I talk to him - he's so sweet how he just stares at me wide-eyed in wonder over everything going on around him. He hears very well and will follow my eyes if I move my head, listening very closely to what I am saying. So sweet. =)
Then I lay him down in his bed in the same position every time, on his side tucked close to the edge of the bed so his little fists are right there if he wants to suck on something. So far he refuses a pacifier - he seems to prefer the Nuk brand size 2, which I only had one of and lost it, of course! The other SIX that I stocked up on were size 1 which is a tiny nipple, the cheap Walmart brand and he hates those and has never liked them. But anyway, he still doesn't like a pacifier at ALL if he's crying or upset in any way - he's only content to suck on it if he's already content. So what's the good in that, anyway?? So I'm hoping that he'll just find his fists because I don't know what I'll do once I try to go somewhere with him and he's crying like in church or the car.
He goes to sleep on his own SO well!!! And then sleeps like clockwork to almost the exact mark of 3 hours since he woke up the 1st time. It's really strange but SO welcome for me because it eliminates those late, late hours in the night when the baby has nursed, and been changed, and SHOULD be asleep but will.not.go.to.sleep and Mama is so frustrated and so tired and the tears come. I have been spared that except for one night and I am so thankful because I feel like because of that, I've been able to get pretty good sleep! Granted, it's just 1 to 1 1/2 hour increments at a time (and I am catching up on the entire season of Nikita rather quickly because of all the 1am, 4am, etc feedings lol!) but at least I can put him down, look at my watch, and know that for the next hour I am guaranteed sleep if all goes well.
DH dropped the kids off at school for me this morning, and my MIL graciously took the two little ones for the morning, so I was able to sleep until 11:15 at which time I jumped out of bed and went to make lunch for the 3 littles who were due to walk in the door at any time. So I was "alone" with the 4 younger kids 5,3,2,0 from then until 3:30 when DH brought the kids home from school.
Then we (DH, DD2, DS3, Baby, me) jumped in the car and drove to the appointment which we were 15 min late. I could tell my body didn't like all the crazy trying to get out of there on time-ness, lol, it did not approve of my trying to move quickly to get things done. It rather likes the slow movements and lots of resting I've been doing instead. So that kind of wore me out - but good results, the baby weighed 7lbs 3oz on day 3, and today weighed 7lbs 13oz on day 8. I am always concerned about weight gain because my milk just has problems, but hopefully the beer and oatmeal + rest is going to do the trick this time!
I've been such a night owl lately. It's strange to look at the clock and it's midnight and I'm just starting to eat my dinner of salad, oatmeal, beer. Ha ha that is a really strange combination, eh? But whatever, it's what sounds good and it's healthy so I consider it a win-win. Time has no relevance to me, it's all just a matter of if I have gotten sleep in the last 3 hours or not, and if I need to rest and/or am starting to cramp or not. Thankfully DH can take over after dinner and I am able to just go to my room and sleep for an hour like I did tonight.
Guess that's it for now, I'm going to do the bills for a while until the baby wakes up and watch an episode of Nikita, then hopefully take a quick shower & head to bed. Considering the fact that it's 10:30 right now...looks like it'll be another late one. Oh well - thankful for my friend Lucy who is coming tomorrow from 8-3 so I can nap when I need to. =)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Day 6 Postpartum - record weigh-in!
I was super happy today to weigh myself and find that I was at 145!! That is the lowest I have ever weighed at 6 days postpartum in my entire history of having kids. It was really encouraging, and means that I have 18 pounds left to lose.
Hmmm.
Still seems like alot, but hey, I clearly remember being stuck at 142-143 for AGES after having Harmony at around 2 months postpartum. That was where my weight loss stalled after the natural loss that comes from having a baby. I have a feeling maybe I'm going to stall in the 130's this time - how cool would that be?! My pre-pregnancy weight was 127, and my normal weight is 118-120. So I still have a ways to go but what the heck, it's only day 6 of postpartum so I have some time, I think!
I'm faithfully wearing my belly bandit wrap about 3/4 of the day (RA you should do this!!!) - I find that I don't like to wear it as much at night, probably because my uterus is still shrinking and it doesn't feel good to have it tight when I'm trying to relax and sleep. Last time I started wearing it at 10 days pp and wore it 24-7 so probably when I get closer to 10 days I'll start doing that again.
HAPPY to say once again, it is totally working!!! My stomach is, at this rate, going to be completely flat by 2 weeks - I'll bet!!! I can already suck it in and it's almost all the way flat except for a small pooch at the very bottom and I actually almost have a FIGURE again. SO crazy and I am SO mad that no-one ever told me about this before!! All those months after babies that I hated looking preggo still, just waiting for my tummy to go down. Somehow the organs that get pushed around and relocated just take FOREVER to get back into place, but the band just seems to help them pronto. It also helps my back and my overall feeling of torso strength to wear it. When I put it on, it's that feeling of aaaahhhhhh that feels good. I do have to say, though, that it looks RETARDED when you're wearing it, ha ha! It pushes up the back fat against my bra strap and I look like a hunchback. Good thing I can't see that in the mirror, lol!
I put on a size Medium normal Old Navy shirt today and it looks really nice! Whew, at least one thing that fits! My pre-pregnancy size was a Small/XSmall so I don't have much to choose from, but I'll take what I can get! All my pregnancy shirts look ridiculous. I'm going to go online and probably buy a few more in this size since I know it fits well - no real shopping in stores for me, it's allll about online! =) But to give you perspective, I clearly remember ordering size XXL Old Navy shirts (ha ha I just accidentally wrote "shits" - hee hee) and having them fit me just right, when I had baby #5. It still amazes me that things can be so different just because of a lifestyle change!
Nursing is going SO great - I was only engorged mildly for 24-36 hours once again, and this time it was NOT because of eating raw vegan so it must be the weight difference? That's the only thing I can think of, why my last 3 babies have been like this. The first 5 were a very painful FULL 48 hours of hard as a rock engorgement with hard to sleep, hard to nurse, etc. I am also not as sore when he latches on - I've been diligently applying Lanolin creme EVERY single time he is done. I think it's making a big difference because always by day 6 with EVERY baby I am still wincing and wondering if the baby is not latching on right and crying and wishing nursing wasn't so hard for me...it gets better around 4 weeks normally.
Also, this time I am not taking any of the normal fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, eating lots of greens, etc. The stuff I did with Harmony & Jack. It worked with Jack (nursed til 7 months), didn't with Harmony (nursed til 3 months) so....I don't know, I guess I'm not as up tight about it this time. I AM, however, eating LOTS of oatmeal (2-4 cups) and also drinking one beer each day both on the recommendation of my midwife with my last baby. Which I never followed because I was trying to be raw. We'll see - talk about a total change of techniques though! =) DH thinks it is rather cool that I am drinking beer, I've always hated it and preferred wine so we would never drink beer together. He went out and got me a 6-pack of local IPA's which are the good beer not the crappy kind, 6 different kinds, and even made up a chart listing them with a yes/no check and a rating. It warmed my heart to see him take such good care of me!
Weigh-in stats (for future reference):
Full-term: 158
Day 5: 149
Day 6: 145
Hmmm.
Still seems like alot, but hey, I clearly remember being stuck at 142-143 for AGES after having Harmony at around 2 months postpartum. That was where my weight loss stalled after the natural loss that comes from having a baby. I have a feeling maybe I'm going to stall in the 130's this time - how cool would that be?! My pre-pregnancy weight was 127, and my normal weight is 118-120. So I still have a ways to go but what the heck, it's only day 6 of postpartum so I have some time, I think!
I'm faithfully wearing my belly bandit wrap about 3/4 of the day (RA you should do this!!!) - I find that I don't like to wear it as much at night, probably because my uterus is still shrinking and it doesn't feel good to have it tight when I'm trying to relax and sleep. Last time I started wearing it at 10 days pp and wore it 24-7 so probably when I get closer to 10 days I'll start doing that again.
HAPPY to say once again, it is totally working!!! My stomach is, at this rate, going to be completely flat by 2 weeks - I'll bet!!! I can already suck it in and it's almost all the way flat except for a small pooch at the very bottom and I actually almost have a FIGURE again. SO crazy and I am SO mad that no-one ever told me about this before!! All those months after babies that I hated looking preggo still, just waiting for my tummy to go down. Somehow the organs that get pushed around and relocated just take FOREVER to get back into place, but the band just seems to help them pronto. It also helps my back and my overall feeling of torso strength to wear it. When I put it on, it's that feeling of aaaahhhhhh that feels good. I do have to say, though, that it looks RETARDED when you're wearing it, ha ha! It pushes up the back fat against my bra strap and I look like a hunchback. Good thing I can't see that in the mirror, lol!
I put on a size Medium normal Old Navy shirt today and it looks really nice! Whew, at least one thing that fits! My pre-pregnancy size was a Small/XSmall so I don't have much to choose from, but I'll take what I can get! All my pregnancy shirts look ridiculous. I'm going to go online and probably buy a few more in this size since I know it fits well - no real shopping in stores for me, it's allll about online! =) But to give you perspective, I clearly remember ordering size XXL Old Navy shirts (ha ha I just accidentally wrote "shits" - hee hee) and having them fit me just right, when I had baby #5. It still amazes me that things can be so different just because of a lifestyle change!
Nursing is going SO great - I was only engorged mildly for 24-36 hours once again, and this time it was NOT because of eating raw vegan so it must be the weight difference? That's the only thing I can think of, why my last 3 babies have been like this. The first 5 were a very painful FULL 48 hours of hard as a rock engorgement with hard to sleep, hard to nurse, etc. I am also not as sore when he latches on - I've been diligently applying Lanolin creme EVERY single time he is done. I think it's making a big difference because always by day 6 with EVERY baby I am still wincing and wondering if the baby is not latching on right and crying and wishing nursing wasn't so hard for me...it gets better around 4 weeks normally.
Also, this time I am not taking any of the normal fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, eating lots of greens, etc. The stuff I did with Harmony & Jack. It worked with Jack (nursed til 7 months), didn't with Harmony (nursed til 3 months) so....I don't know, I guess I'm not as up tight about it this time. I AM, however, eating LOTS of oatmeal (2-4 cups) and also drinking one beer each day both on the recommendation of my midwife with my last baby. Which I never followed because I was trying to be raw. We'll see - talk about a total change of techniques though! =) DH thinks it is rather cool that I am drinking beer, I've always hated it and preferred wine so we would never drink beer together. He went out and got me a 6-pack of local IPA's which are the good beer not the crappy kind, 6 different kinds, and even made up a chart listing them with a yes/no check and a rating. It warmed my heart to see him take such good care of me!
Weigh-in stats (for future reference):
Full-term: 158
Day 5: 149
Day 6: 145
Saturday, December 3, 2011
5 Days Postpartum...feeling SO much better today!
Note to self: with a new baby, no two days are ever the same! Thank goodness for that!
Last night, oh he was so sweet! No he did not sleep longer than 2 hours at a time but who cares, he went right to sleep every time he was done nursing!! That, my friends, is a miracle in itself. I didn't have to spend hours trying to figure out what he wanted, trying every single thing I could think of and he still wouldn't sleep. Yay! I feel refreshed this morning, at least, as refreshed as one can be lol.
I ended up watching Nikita at 4am, lol. I figured I might as well venture out into the living room to nurse in the night so that DH can sleep, and since it is peaceful and quiet out there with just some white Christmas lights for lighting. It was super nice, I will probably do that again - nice to make the nursing time go by quicker.
Also, he is cutting down on nursing time, yay for that! Seems to be more like 45 minutes now that I am not engorged, he is getting quicker and more efficient and doesn't fall asleep a million times, just more like a thousand. lol.
I weighed myself this morning for the first time - 148 lbs as of day 5! That is 9 pounds lost, so I still have 22 more to go. With Harmony by day 5 I weighed 150 at day 5 so it's kind of nice to know I'm a little bit ahead of myself this time.
Last night, oh he was so sweet! No he did not sleep longer than 2 hours at a time but who cares, he went right to sleep every time he was done nursing!! That, my friends, is a miracle in itself. I didn't have to spend hours trying to figure out what he wanted, trying every single thing I could think of and he still wouldn't sleep. Yay! I feel refreshed this morning, at least, as refreshed as one can be lol.
I ended up watching Nikita at 4am, lol. I figured I might as well venture out into the living room to nurse in the night so that DH can sleep, and since it is peaceful and quiet out there with just some white Christmas lights for lighting. It was super nice, I will probably do that again - nice to make the nursing time go by quicker.
Also, he is cutting down on nursing time, yay for that! Seems to be more like 45 minutes now that I am not engorged, he is getting quicker and more efficient and doesn't fall asleep a million times, just more like a thousand. lol.
I weighed myself this morning for the first time - 148 lbs as of day 5! That is 9 pounds lost, so I still have 22 more to go. With Harmony by day 5 I weighed 150 at day 5 so it's kind of nice to know I'm a little bit ahead of myself this time.
Friday, December 2, 2011
4 Days Postpartum...Dear God, please give me the strength
to endure until the end! And to know that this is only temporary...
...sigh. So here we are. I am in tears just, because. Because I can. Ha ha! Seriously though, I know with my head and my brain that hormones are seriously crashing down, and that I am operating on night #5 of 3 tiny 1-hour increments of sleep per night, with a crying baby that I don't know how to make stop which is SO frustrating when you're just dying to go to sleep. The bleeding has kicked in a bit more which means I'm doing too much, but seriously, ALL I am doing is nursing for like an hour 15 min every 3 hours, trying to sleep, trying to rest...and squeezing in a shower which wastes valuable sleep time.
Then, I just do not have time to eat! It's like should I sleep or eat, which is more important? Then I end up at 6pm having only had one bowl of oatmeal all day and I find myself breaking into a sweat and shaking and of course, feeling like crying.
Then there are the kids. They are all really sensitive and tender, from all the changes - uncertainties like the fact that I am no longer available for anything. Like, at all. DH keeps them strictly away from my bedroom door and they are only allowed to see me if he says so, or if I come out.
I cry because I don't want it to be like that for them, but I am so completely overwhelmed with being WEAK in my body and trying to just take care of Charlie and myself that I have no more room left for anything else. I feel like I am struggling not to drown, my head barely (BARELY!) above water and if I try to take care of any of my other children it will just pull me under.
We need groceries, so DH has to go to the store which leaves me with the kids, and I immediately get overwhelmed with them as they all crowd around me trying to talk at once and tell me everything. Or clamoring to touch Charlie while I'm trying to hold him and he's crying and I'm just like GET AWAY everybody!! And they look at me so sad....aack!
Oh, gosh. This is hard. But I know it's temporary, I know I will get through this and that it is NOT TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR. It's just really emotional and half the time I don't even know why I feel so overwhelmed, but I do. I feel bad that DH is having to do like 110% of all the work and then I start thinking about next week when he goes back to work and I practically start to hyperventilate. But then of course, it won't be just 4 days postpartum, it'll be 8. Hopefully it'll be better by then? I'll have more strength by then? I am also SO SO SO super thankful for my wonderful friend Lucy who comes Mondays & Thursdays from 8-3 and cleans my house, watches the children. And that DH/MIL will be bringing the kids to/from school, AND that we will have meals provided for dinner every other night (and in between will have leftovers) until the 10th. So I am taken care of, just still overwhelmed. =)
I crave routine. I love providing that for my family, doing the same things each day so they know what to expect, and it is so hard for me to just let go and let them be taken care of by others. To let their hair look that way, or send them to school with mismatched socks. Grace7 chopped her hair on one side, a big thick bunch of it, because "she was mad" she said.
So now she needs a haircut, it needs 2 inches taken off, and I wish I could just take her down to Great Clips and get it cut. But I can't. Such a weird feeling. So instead I just send her off to school looking like an orphan. I could have DH do it, but then, I have to watch the kids and I am just feeling so little strength to do that.
So. That is how I'm doing, lol! In case you were wondering. My heart goes out to anyone who has a c-section...my belly button hernia has come back now that my tummy is much smaller, and it is painful at times when I try to get up, twist, or roll over in bed. I just can't imagine in my foggiest mind, how a person would be able to go through what I am going through, + have an incision that is healing. But I do believe firmly that God knows what we need and can handle and He is ever so gently holding me now in the palm of His hands. I need to remember that often.
One thing I am thankful for - through all of this emotional turmoil and physical weakness, I have never once entertained the thought of being angry at God for bringing this upon me. Or dealt with bitter thoughts, or even the temptation for them.
Charlie is like the grand prize, the biggest blessing and the sweetest most deliciously scrumptious baby EVER. I think of that verse in James 1, that says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of light, from whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." We have been given a good and perfect gift straight from heaven, and there is no words to describe how thankful I am for him.
No, I know that this is just a time and a season, and that in just 1 week I will be feeling so much better. For now, I am comforted with that fact and that if I just take it one day at a time, it will be easier that way. No need to borrow trouble for the next few days.
And, I am so thankful once again that I don't have a terminal illness, or even an illness for that matter! I have a very good and perfect thing going on for me. =)
...sigh. So here we are. I am in tears just, because. Because I can. Ha ha! Seriously though, I know with my head and my brain that hormones are seriously crashing down, and that I am operating on night #5 of 3 tiny 1-hour increments of sleep per night, with a crying baby that I don't know how to make stop which is SO frustrating when you're just dying to go to sleep. The bleeding has kicked in a bit more which means I'm doing too much, but seriously, ALL I am doing is nursing for like an hour 15 min every 3 hours, trying to sleep, trying to rest...and squeezing in a shower which wastes valuable sleep time.
Then, I just do not have time to eat! It's like should I sleep or eat, which is more important? Then I end up at 6pm having only had one bowl of oatmeal all day and I find myself breaking into a sweat and shaking and of course, feeling like crying.
Then there are the kids. They are all really sensitive and tender, from all the changes - uncertainties like the fact that I am no longer available for anything. Like, at all. DH keeps them strictly away from my bedroom door and they are only allowed to see me if he says so, or if I come out.
I cry because I don't want it to be like that for them, but I am so completely overwhelmed with being WEAK in my body and trying to just take care of Charlie and myself that I have no more room left for anything else. I feel like I am struggling not to drown, my head barely (BARELY!) above water and if I try to take care of any of my other children it will just pull me under.
We need groceries, so DH has to go to the store which leaves me with the kids, and I immediately get overwhelmed with them as they all crowd around me trying to talk at once and tell me everything. Or clamoring to touch Charlie while I'm trying to hold him and he's crying and I'm just like GET AWAY everybody!! And they look at me so sad....aack!
Oh, gosh. This is hard. But I know it's temporary, I know I will get through this and that it is NOT TOO MUCH FOR ME TO BEAR. It's just really emotional and half the time I don't even know why I feel so overwhelmed, but I do. I feel bad that DH is having to do like 110% of all the work and then I start thinking about next week when he goes back to work and I practically start to hyperventilate. But then of course, it won't be just 4 days postpartum, it'll be 8. Hopefully it'll be better by then? I'll have more strength by then? I am also SO SO SO super thankful for my wonderful friend Lucy who comes Mondays & Thursdays from 8-3 and cleans my house, watches the children. And that DH/MIL will be bringing the kids to/from school, AND that we will have meals provided for dinner every other night (and in between will have leftovers) until the 10th. So I am taken care of, just still overwhelmed. =)
I crave routine. I love providing that for my family, doing the same things each day so they know what to expect, and it is so hard for me to just let go and let them be taken care of by others. To let their hair look that way, or send them to school with mismatched socks. Grace7 chopped her hair on one side, a big thick bunch of it, because "she was mad" she said.
So now she needs a haircut, it needs 2 inches taken off, and I wish I could just take her down to Great Clips and get it cut. But I can't. Such a weird feeling. So instead I just send her off to school looking like an orphan. I could have DH do it, but then, I have to watch the kids and I am just feeling so little strength to do that.
So. That is how I'm doing, lol! In case you were wondering. My heart goes out to anyone who has a c-section...my belly button hernia has come back now that my tummy is much smaller, and it is painful at times when I try to get up, twist, or roll over in bed. I just can't imagine in my foggiest mind, how a person would be able to go through what I am going through, + have an incision that is healing. But I do believe firmly that God knows what we need and can handle and He is ever so gently holding me now in the palm of His hands. I need to remember that often.
One thing I am thankful for - through all of this emotional turmoil and physical weakness, I have never once entertained the thought of being angry at God for bringing this upon me. Or dealt with bitter thoughts, or even the temptation for them.
Charlie is like the grand prize, the biggest blessing and the sweetest most deliciously scrumptious baby EVER. I think of that verse in James 1, that says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father of light, from whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." We have been given a good and perfect gift straight from heaven, and there is no words to describe how thankful I am for him.
No, I know that this is just a time and a season, and that in just 1 week I will be feeling so much better. For now, I am comforted with that fact and that if I just take it one day at a time, it will be easier that way. No need to borrow trouble for the next few days.
And, I am so thankful once again that I don't have a terminal illness, or even an illness for that matter! I have a very good and perfect thing going on for me. =)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Introducing Charles (Charlie) Hudson Taylor! Born Nov 28, 2011
I think that...the feeling of having just given birth and lying there with your brand new baby on your chest, is one of the best in the world. Can you believe, I actually looked up at DH and told him that I could totally do this again?!!! It is such a sweet thing to finally see the little one you've been nurturing inside for almost a year, you know? But to be able to say that was truly wonderous for me, since I have struggled with the fact that I was pregnant again and having another baby when it wasn't in "our" plan. A victory I think!
We did not have this baby in the car or at home, thankfully! Contractions started around 5pm to be regular on Sunday the 27th, although to be honest, they had stopped and started "regularly" soooo many times before that, I can't even count! So I definitely did not think anything different was going on.
Bret needed to be at a fundraiser meeting for church at 6pm and then went grocery shopping for me after, but he had me text him with a "c" every time I had a contraction so he could time them. I thought that was so sweet of him, being so involved...I think partly though he is aware of my nonchalant attitude when it comes to these things and I don't realize it IS the real thing until it's too late.
By 3am I had lost part of my mucus plug and we had both packed our bags - I could tell they were more "pinched" than normal and knew this was different. Off to the birthing center, and Elmina came to be there with the kids for the night -- thanks, Mina!!
With Jack, my first ever natural birth, I somehow thought being almost all raw + having him in the water would make it rather pain-free and easy. Um...yeah. No. His birth was hard because I had high expectations that were not met, it was a very painful time that seemed to be endless and I dreaded that with my next baby EVEN THOUGH I loved the aftereffect of a natural birth so I was determined to have a water birth anyway.
As we know, Harmony was born very fast and without issue, on the freeway -- and it was in fact my very best birth ever. Painful, yes, but VERY short so I knew that Charlie's birth could potentially be the same!!
This time I worked in my mind concentrating on two things: Relaxing every part of my body completely during the contractions and focusing on a place in my mind to go to so I wouldn't be thinking about the pain or most of all, HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO LAST sort of thing.
It worked AMAZINGLY well up until transition, for which I was very thankful! In my room, I have this antique dresser with a matching mirror that I sanded down and painted white, then distressed it and added crystal knobs. It is beautiful, and I have a few silver things on it with an electronic candle and a pretty diaper holder. The back wall of the milky white board & batten + the soft blue/gray wall color just make for a serene atmosphere and that is the picture I focused on. I'll have to take a picture and put it on here to remember it by. I kept thinking about my beautiful, beautiful room that is waiting for me and my baby - and it was really a neat way to relax. All my other babies I have had a really UGLY room to go home to, bleh, lots of hours and days and nights spent in there postpartum. Kind of depressing, lol!
I got in the tub and that felt so good and relaxing...it is hard for your body to stay tense while in the water, so I was enjoying that for a while. The room was dark, candles lit, just DH and I.
I also worked on making a low "mooooo" sound deep in my throat, which vibrates to the cervix and opens it up, as well as picturing a flower opening as my cervix. I felt kind of weird doing that ridiculous, primal noise with DH in the room (we asked the midwives to stay out as much as possible until transition; I am a totally private person and knew more people in here would tense me up) so I went in the bathroom. I felt good to sit on the toilet anyway, kind of something my body is already used to (obviously ha ha) and the noises were more camouflaged that I was making.
As I was sitting there alone with my thoughts, knowing the birth was near and trying to stay calm and in rest instead of fearing what was to come, it came to me: God is never closer than when a baby is born -- He is there to breath the first breath of life into that child. He is here now, ready, to do this with my baby! I pictured Him there with me in the bathroom, an invisible but strong presence and it gave me such peace. Especially knowing that this child came straight from Him, it was not planned by us in any way, but planned by HIM. So I knew He would also be there with me to help bring Charlie into this world.
After a while I decided to try the shower, really hot and that felt wonderful, but after about 5 minutes the contractions were too painful just to stand there. I had to hit the floor and rock back and forth during each one, so as soon as one was over, I grabbed my towel and got back into the tub.
That's when it started in earnest - that was the hardest part. The frustrating thing is that you hear stories about people who push for an hour, or are dilated to 9-10 for a long time...blah. You can't have that in mind or it'll drive you INSANE...so I focused on Harmony's birth and how my body naturally just delivered her EASILY and quickly. I felt this POP and that hurt, yikes! It must've been the water breaking cuz it kind of hurled the poor guy right down the tunnel.
Three hard contractions/pushes and I felt his head -- TOTAL deja vu with Harmony, I remember feeling her head and being shocked; she wasn't supposed to come out yet! So it was awesome knowing he was almost here - I pushed him out and DH caught him in the water...it was neat birthing him completely on my own with DH's help at the end (and he was being awesome during too, rubbing my back, etc). The midwife helped me calm down a bit at the end when I was practically hysterical saying I can't do this, that is highly needful too!! The cord was wrapped around his neck once which she quickly unwound, and then he was here! Just 2 hours after arriving at the birthing center.
Such a feeling of relief and JOY to meet him!! He just kind of sat there, not breathing or doing ANYTHING. Bret and I were concerned but the midwife wasn't, she just kind of rubbed him and turns out, he did exactly what Harmony did. Just really mellow by nature so there was no need to cry - just kind of a general realization that the surroundings were new and opened his eyes to see us right away. Little squawk was all the noise he made to clear his throat and then it was like he was in wonder over this strange, new world.
We love the name Charlie, but I didn't want to saddle a grown man with that name just in case. My uncle's parents named him "Ricky" and he went by Rick in his later adult years. BUT he went into the army, and they are required to call everyone by their birth name. Thus, he was called Ricky...not such a good name to have in the service! So just in case this baby wants the name "Charles" - very doctor sounding in my opinion, we're putting that on his birth certificate but for all intents and purposes, his name will be Charlie to everyone.
Charles Hudson Taylor (Charlie)
November 28, 2011 6:03am
7lb 15oz
21" long
Welcome to our family, sweet little Charlie! You are going to experience love that only an 8th child can attest to. =) =) I can't wait to introduce you to your 7 brothers and sisters!!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Week 40, Day 2 - Feeling restless
The baby can OFFICIALLY come now since I am always at least 2 days late and chances are if I go into labor now at 6pm it most likely will be born after midnight (or not, maybe faster, lol), thus fulfilling the requirements of being one of MY babies and at least 2 days late!
I just got the baby bed and swing today from my sister and they are all set up and ready to go. Hmmm. I feel like I'm just twiddling my thumbs, there's nothing to do, lol! DH has been/will be home for 4 days in a row due to the holiday, so he's doing pretty much everything except for the meals. Bags are packed, my room is finished (I need to take pictures!) and everything is ready.
I am still feeling enough movement to make me satisfied that all is ok with the baby - although it has slowed down quite a bit. I feel GREAT for the most part, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit swollen but all my clothes fit me the same.
Anyway, not much to say - last night DH and I enjoyed a movie and a glass of wine. Oh, and chocolate. Of course, chocolate!
I was woken in the night with a few hard enough contractions to wake me, but that's all. It's going to be interesting to look back and see when it actually did happen for real. I'm starting to get to the point, after having been on high alert for almost a week now, that I was with Harmony - kind of like this resignation that it's never going to happen. =)
I just got the baby bed and swing today from my sister and they are all set up and ready to go. Hmmm. I feel like I'm just twiddling my thumbs, there's nothing to do, lol! DH has been/will be home for 4 days in a row due to the holiday, so he's doing pretty much everything except for the meals. Bags are packed, my room is finished (I need to take pictures!) and everything is ready.
I am still feeling enough movement to make me satisfied that all is ok with the baby - although it has slowed down quite a bit. I feel GREAT for the most part, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit swollen but all my clothes fit me the same.
Anyway, not much to say - last night DH and I enjoyed a movie and a glass of wine. Oh, and chocolate. Of course, chocolate!
I was woken in the night with a few hard enough contractions to wake me, but that's all. It's going to be interesting to look back and see when it actually did happen for real. I'm starting to get to the point, after having been on high alert for almost a week now, that I was with Harmony - kind of like this resignation that it's never going to happen. =)
Friday, November 25, 2011
Week 40, Day 1 - and so we continue on...
Here we are, Black Friday! And I have officially reached my due date. It feels great, it feels like from here on out, because I am ALWAYS late, I can officially know that it could be "any time."
Weigh-in this morning was 158 which in retrospect, I can hardly believe...that still seems like such a low number to me! For full term pregnancy, I mean - I think once you lose a good amount of weight, sometimes that number still shocks you. Having gone through 5 pregnancies of mostly seeing the 190 number at the end of the pregnancy and having to work SUPER HARD for like 6 months to even SEE the 140-150's, it is very strange to be AT the 150's full term. And yet, here I am!
All my hard work has paid off, I suppose - I haven't eaten nearly as well with this pregnancy as I did the last 2, but I was more conscious of not overeating/lower calories (although not restricting or fasting) and I also did not eat meat hardly at all. So evidently, that worked! Probably also my craving oatmeal often in the past month has worked to my favor there too.
Total weight gain is 31 pounds.
We had a bit of excitement on Monday night - I was at our church and felt little squirts of liquid...hmmm...it was enough to soak my underwear but not volumes and loads of it. Knowing how quickly labor can kick in once your water breaks and with MY history of having my last baby on the freeway...we quickly gathered up the kids, raced home to pack, and RAN to the birthing center. My water has never broken before being in transition before so I had no idea what to expect or if that was even what had happened!
And in all fairness, contractions (though quite mild, normal braxton hicks-type) were coming steadily at 2-3 minutes apart for an hour.
Yet, everything stopped - we spent the night (blah - that's been my worry that we'd do THAT again and come home with no baby!) and in the morning, packed up and went home. It's obviously better to be safe than sorry, and we are SUPER thankful for Elmina, Lucy, and Rachel who all kicked in and were huge helps when we needed them.
I feel completely confident that I can birth the baby alone if I need to, and honestly if DH had rest & peace about it, I would 100% give birth in my own bedroom. I LOVE my room and it is like an oasis to me now, so so so beautiful and dreamy blue/white, serene and CLEAN. =)
It was determined that most likely it was just the outer sac of amniotic fluid that leaked a bit, and ever since then there has been no more leaking. My midwife thinks the baby's head is probably firmly corking the leak.
Right away we started getting concerned family members advising us to get induced due to infection worries - and not having ever had this happen to me before, I have been trying not to give in to fear about what could happen. After talking to my midwife at length I am okay with waiting - and also giving this baby to God and knowing that HE has been in control from the very beginning. It still doesn't help though to hear about babies dying from infection after the water breaks, and every time my baby moves I rejoice. Weird feeling, all around.
I have not been checked for cirvical dilation at all - I HATE that, and don't feel it's necessary unless it's well, necessary. I don't care to know if I'm dilated or not - what difference does it make? I could be dilated to 4 and walk around for weeks, so to me it just makes me anxious that not enough is happening. Also, the risk of infection goes up each time I am checked so that works in my favor too.
You know what's weird though? I was so relieved when I came home, to just get in my bed and SLEEP. To watch my favorite tv show. To have normal life again. I know when the baby comes I'll be glad and ready, but it's such a huge change...everything gets turned upside down and we just thrive on normal schedules in our home. I think that feeling of being out of control of my home is frustrating for me for the long first 2 months. To delay the birth just a few days was kind of nice.
DH has been so sweet and helpful, he has taken over so much already and lets me rest when I need to, puts the kids to bed and prays with them, supervises the kitchen cleanup after dinner. I feel really cared for. =)
Weigh-in this morning was 158 which in retrospect, I can hardly believe...that still seems like such a low number to me! For full term pregnancy, I mean - I think once you lose a good amount of weight, sometimes that number still shocks you. Having gone through 5 pregnancies of mostly seeing the 190 number at the end of the pregnancy and having to work SUPER HARD for like 6 months to even SEE the 140-150's, it is very strange to be AT the 150's full term. And yet, here I am!
All my hard work has paid off, I suppose - I haven't eaten nearly as well with this pregnancy as I did the last 2, but I was more conscious of not overeating/lower calories (although not restricting or fasting) and I also did not eat meat hardly at all. So evidently, that worked! Probably also my craving oatmeal often in the past month has worked to my favor there too.
Total weight gain is 31 pounds.
We had a bit of excitement on Monday night - I was at our church and felt little squirts of liquid...hmmm...it was enough to soak my underwear but not volumes and loads of it. Knowing how quickly labor can kick in once your water breaks and with MY history of having my last baby on the freeway...we quickly gathered up the kids, raced home to pack, and RAN to the birthing center. My water has never broken before being in transition before so I had no idea what to expect or if that was even what had happened!
And in all fairness, contractions (though quite mild, normal braxton hicks-type) were coming steadily at 2-3 minutes apart for an hour.
Yet, everything stopped - we spent the night (blah - that's been my worry that we'd do THAT again and come home with no baby!) and in the morning, packed up and went home. It's obviously better to be safe than sorry, and we are SUPER thankful for Elmina, Lucy, and Rachel who all kicked in and were huge helps when we needed them.
I feel completely confident that I can birth the baby alone if I need to, and honestly if DH had rest & peace about it, I would 100% give birth in my own bedroom. I LOVE my room and it is like an oasis to me now, so so so beautiful and dreamy blue/white, serene and CLEAN. =)
It was determined that most likely it was just the outer sac of amniotic fluid that leaked a bit, and ever since then there has been no more leaking. My midwife thinks the baby's head is probably firmly corking the leak.
Right away we started getting concerned family members advising us to get induced due to infection worries - and not having ever had this happen to me before, I have been trying not to give in to fear about what could happen. After talking to my midwife at length I am okay with waiting - and also giving this baby to God and knowing that HE has been in control from the very beginning. It still doesn't help though to hear about babies dying from infection after the water breaks, and every time my baby moves I rejoice. Weird feeling, all around.
I have not been checked for cirvical dilation at all - I HATE that, and don't feel it's necessary unless it's well, necessary. I don't care to know if I'm dilated or not - what difference does it make? I could be dilated to 4 and walk around for weeks, so to me it just makes me anxious that not enough is happening. Also, the risk of infection goes up each time I am checked so that works in my favor too.
You know what's weird though? I was so relieved when I came home, to just get in my bed and SLEEP. To watch my favorite tv show. To have normal life again. I know when the baby comes I'll be glad and ready, but it's such a huge change...everything gets turned upside down and we just thrive on normal schedules in our home. I think that feeling of being out of control of my home is frustrating for me for the long first 2 months. To delay the birth just a few days was kind of nice.
DH has been so sweet and helpful, he has taken over so much already and lets me rest when I need to, puts the kids to bed and prays with them, supervises the kitchen cleanup after dinner. I feel really cared for. =)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Week 38, Day 6 - False Labor? BRING IT ON!
I've had one "scare" so far during the night, of course it was at our hotel while we were away on our overnight date! I had HARD contractions, to the point where I couldn't even move, ouch. For 3 hours! From midnight-3am, of course. I honestly had thoughts, visions, of having this baby in the hotel room, ha! First the car, then a hotel room...gosh I'm like about to break records here!
It was scary,though. It's always scary to think that "this could be IT" and to know the pain was very, VERY mild compared to the upcoming pain. I was shaking.
But it was a really good experience for me. Kind of jolted me into reality and made me start prepping myself much more for the ordeal to come, and to know that I can totally do this. I'm looking forward to it! Looking forward to feeling so near to God in my utter helplessness and of course the end result, my baby boy!
I've been having lots & lots of tight, hard contractions where I have to pause what I'm doing, or literally can't bend over for a minute. It's awesome BECAUSE one thing I have learned after having so many babies is that the more this type of thing goes on, the more my body is dilating and effacing and doing what it's supposed to, which hopefully (and with Harmony's case, totally DID) makes the actual labor shorter since part of it is already done!
9 more days until my due date, and time is zipping by. I have been diligently, for the past 3-4 weeks, working on getting all the Christmas presents purchased and I think I'm about 90% done with it all! Yay! Online shopping has been my best friend; every day, about every hour actually, I check all my fave sites that list killer deals and have gotten some really nice things. Things that sell out within half an hour, even! Fun!
It was scary,though. It's always scary to think that "this could be IT" and to know the pain was very, VERY mild compared to the upcoming pain. I was shaking.
But it was a really good experience for me. Kind of jolted me into reality and made me start prepping myself much more for the ordeal to come, and to know that I can totally do this. I'm looking forward to it! Looking forward to feeling so near to God in my utter helplessness and of course the end result, my baby boy!
I've been having lots & lots of tight, hard contractions where I have to pause what I'm doing, or literally can't bend over for a minute. It's awesome BECAUSE one thing I have learned after having so many babies is that the more this type of thing goes on, the more my body is dilating and effacing and doing what it's supposed to, which hopefully (and with Harmony's case, totally DID) makes the actual labor shorter since part of it is already done!
9 more days until my due date, and time is zipping by. I have been diligently, for the past 3-4 weeks, working on getting all the Christmas presents purchased and I think I'm about 90% done with it all! Yay! Online shopping has been my best friend; every day, about every hour actually, I check all my fave sites that list killer deals and have gotten some really nice things. Things that sell out within half an hour, even! Fun!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Week 38, Day 5 - Christmas Party/Date night pics as promised!
I'm glad we got these photos, although I think they're a tad bit nerdy. LOL! They basically put us in the spotlight and said okay, do this! Do that! And we were like, uh...okay..?
The pictures were taken quickly with 4sec intervals. I guess we should've planned it better, but oh well. I should have put my hand around my tummy too - that would've been cute! And my arms around his neck when we kissed??? Duh! LOL but I think it's kind of a fun memory so whatever. =) Plus, it was complimentary so...love that!
I like the one where he's kissing my tummy best...especially when you crop out my ARM (ugh, HATE weight gain) and blow it up - love it!! (click on each one to make the pics bigger)
Which one do you like?
The pictures were taken quickly with 4sec intervals. I guess we should've planned it better, but oh well. I should have put my hand around my tummy too - that would've been cute! And my arms around his neck when we kissed??? Duh! LOL but I think it's kind of a fun memory so whatever. =) Plus, it was complimentary so...love that!
I like the one where he's kissing my tummy best...especially when you crop out my ARM (ugh, HATE weight gain) and blow it up - love it!! (click on each one to make the pics bigger)
Which one do you like?
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Week 38 (!!!), Day 2 - off we go on our big date overnight!
I am all packed, have a purty little black dress (I'm choosing to call it that, I don't look so, um, little right now though!) and my hair just so. I'm even wearing my full blown wedding ring trio! Fun fun fun, I love going out on the town with DH - we have many many good memories together of doing this. Aaaaah to go back a year ago and be young and skinny again! =)
I took a peek at the little black dress I wore LAST year to the Contractor's Association christmas party, which I have gone to every single year for the past 10 years with DH. They always put together a really posh night - tonight it is at a Hilton hotel, and we are also staying the night in the big city afterwards so that is going to be FAB! It's a total black tie affair though, and last year's dress?
Holy smoly oly!! It is THE tiniest thing I have ever seen - I bet you'd fit into it just fine, Tereza! =) It must be like a size 2, or maybe 0 - and I remember it felt so fun to wear it and then tell people that I had 7 kids. Hee hee! I worked hard for that size though, so it's not like I naturally just drop the weight - you guys know how it is!
But I have to say it's really interesting getting ready for something like this where everyone is wearing their prom night (okay almost, not QUITE that fancy) best...and be just about to give birth to my 8th child! Talk about not feeling it....I feel lumpy and weird and when I turn sideways of course, feel like something that resembles a whale. But then I thought you know what? Who cares - I am going to ROCK it tonight and pretend like I feel FABULOUS and just BE the Momma who is majorly pregnant but hasn't lost her sense of style. Y'know? I think half of how you come across on the outside is how you feel about yourself INSIDE, and that really carries to the outward as well.
All the kids are farmed out to different homes tonight; DH is gone bringing the last of them, Jack & Harmony, over to my MIL's. My oldest is at youth conference - otherwise we would have had her babysit with the help of someone older to spend the night.
It'll be a short time away, pretty much exactly 24 hours, but so nice....we're also kind of slapping on the label of celebrating our 14th anniversary (on the 15th) and my 35th birthday (on the 17th) as well as using it as an excuse to get away just one last little itty bitty time before the BIG EVENT. The baby big event.
At which point I know we won't really be going anywhere with any kind of a relaxing time for at least 2 months, probably closer to 3. I have memories with several of the babies I've had where at about 6 weeks, I am feeling SO much better and am starting to slim down, starting to readjust my thinking and abilities to having that next # of child, and then I just want to have some time with DH! Go on a date! Eat Mexican food!
And then ..... inevitably.... the baby wakes up RIGHT as we sit down in that fine, quiet Italian restaurant. So we go to the louder, Mexican restaurant, only to have the baby cry like NONSTOP for 5 minutes until our food arrives and in desperation and tears I just tell DH I'll be in the car trying to calm he or she down (feeling sorry for the rest of the restaurant patrons!).
DH ends up eating the meal by himself and getting mine to go, and comes back to the truck 15 minutes later to a frustrated wife and crying baby. Aaargh!
And yet, life goes on, doesn't it? It gets better, things calm down a bit, it just takes a.lot.of.patience. Lots & lots. Lots of waiting.
Kinda like right now, eh?
So my thoughts tonight are to really live in the moment. To enjoy this little guy moving around inside my whale of a tummy and think about meeting him, about all the good and wonderful and precious things that come with having a baby. The little moments to breath in his scent and kiss his downy head, to sleep next to him and feel his little body moving up & down as he breathes, content to sleep by Mommy.
Time has flown by already --- it's so strange, several of my friends are pregnant and due in the summer (RA, Maryann, Marit...soooo happy for all of them!!!) and it's so strange to me that I am now on the other end of the spectrum. Almost about to be done with pregnancy.
This is my encouragement that the next 2 months will go by quickly, because the last 10 months sure have!
I took a peek at the little black dress I wore LAST year to the Contractor's Association christmas party, which I have gone to every single year for the past 10 years with DH. They always put together a really posh night - tonight it is at a Hilton hotel, and we are also staying the night in the big city afterwards so that is going to be FAB! It's a total black tie affair though, and last year's dress?
Holy smoly oly!! It is THE tiniest thing I have ever seen - I bet you'd fit into it just fine, Tereza! =) It must be like a size 2, or maybe 0 - and I remember it felt so fun to wear it and then tell people that I had 7 kids. Hee hee! I worked hard for that size though, so it's not like I naturally just drop the weight - you guys know how it is!
But I have to say it's really interesting getting ready for something like this where everyone is wearing their prom night (okay almost, not QUITE that fancy) best...and be just about to give birth to my 8th child! Talk about not feeling it....I feel lumpy and weird and when I turn sideways of course, feel like something that resembles a whale. But then I thought you know what? Who cares - I am going to ROCK it tonight and pretend like I feel FABULOUS and just BE the Momma who is majorly pregnant but hasn't lost her sense of style. Y'know? I think half of how you come across on the outside is how you feel about yourself INSIDE, and that really carries to the outward as well.
All the kids are farmed out to different homes tonight; DH is gone bringing the last of them, Jack & Harmony, over to my MIL's. My oldest is at youth conference - otherwise we would have had her babysit with the help of someone older to spend the night.
It'll be a short time away, pretty much exactly 24 hours, but so nice....we're also kind of slapping on the label of celebrating our 14th anniversary (on the 15th) and my 35th birthday (on the 17th) as well as using it as an excuse to get away just one last little itty bitty time before the BIG EVENT. The baby big event.
At which point I know we won't really be going anywhere with any kind of a relaxing time for at least 2 months, probably closer to 3. I have memories with several of the babies I've had where at about 6 weeks, I am feeling SO much better and am starting to slim down, starting to readjust my thinking and abilities to having that next # of child, and then I just want to have some time with DH! Go on a date! Eat Mexican food!
And then ..... inevitably.... the baby wakes up RIGHT as we sit down in that fine, quiet Italian restaurant. So we go to the louder, Mexican restaurant, only to have the baby cry like NONSTOP for 5 minutes until our food arrives and in desperation and tears I just tell DH I'll be in the car trying to calm he or she down (feeling sorry for the rest of the restaurant patrons!).
DH ends up eating the meal by himself and getting mine to go, and comes back to the truck 15 minutes later to a frustrated wife and crying baby. Aaargh!
And yet, life goes on, doesn't it? It gets better, things calm down a bit, it just takes a.lot.of.patience. Lots & lots. Lots of waiting.
Kinda like right now, eh?
So my thoughts tonight are to really live in the moment. To enjoy this little guy moving around inside my whale of a tummy and think about meeting him, about all the good and wonderful and precious things that come with having a baby. The little moments to breath in his scent and kiss his downy head, to sleep next to him and feel his little body moving up & down as he breathes, content to sleep by Mommy.
Time has flown by already --- it's so strange, several of my friends are pregnant and due in the summer (RA, Maryann, Marit...soooo happy for all of them!!!) and it's so strange to me that I am now on the other end of the spectrum. Almost about to be done with pregnancy.
This is my encouragement that the next 2 months will go by quickly, because the last 10 months sure have!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
LOTS to do b4 baby comes! Feeling the urgency now...
I'm starting to feel the crunch of time with getting things done before the baby comes...my room is coming together SO nicely but it's still turned upside down a bit due to trying to get dresser drawers painted, etc. I have this gorgeous room with white board & batten on the bottom half and blue on the top half/lighter blue on the ceiling, sheer curtains, King size all-white goose down bedding (still need to get some decorative bed pillows), newly painted black & silver bathroom vanity, a big sunburst Pier1 STUNNING mirror above my bed (total Craigslist SCORE - it still has the $150 price tag on the back and I paid $35!!).
But my dressers and nightstands are still an ugly brown and the drawers go in crooked and the finish is coming off. They are also piled high with lots of remodeling stuff...paint, brushes, drill bits, etc. So just as soon as I can finish up painting my beautiful $40 Craigslist antique dresser w/matching mirror (that will be my changing table, it's so lovely, with HUGE, deep drawers to boot!) then I can empty out my ugly dresser and get that OUT of my room.
I am also going to purchase a chandelier for my bedroom, it'll be the crowning glory and soooooo gorgeous with the blue & white color scheme, so peaceful and serene! This is the one I have bookmarked to buy as soon as I can sell some things on Craigslist to get the money for. They UPPED the price recently though, bleh, I hate it when that happens! Hopefully DH can put it in for me when it comes - I'm planning to get a dimmer switch for that light which will be create such a lovely mood lighting.
I need to get some things for the baby still like the blankets, bed, swing, and belly band from my sister -- wash the carseat, buy 1 more nursing bra, a changing pad to go on top of the dresser, maxi pads (oh yes, looking forward to THAT again after not having had a period for almost a year!). Lots to do, and my body is shutting down on me - things are becoming very awkward to do, like putting on my socks! Nearly impossible. Picking up the house - I have to sit down and clean everything around me and then scoot to the next half of the room, lol.
I also have pretty much, um, no idea what we're going to do with the kids when I'm at the birthing center for 2 days. Rachel is old enough to babysit during the day only but...there's school and she never wants to miss a day. It's hard to know what to plan since we don't know if it'll be on the weekend, or weekday, or what...and I usually stay 2 nights there. Bret will be taking a week off from work, SO nice to have that planned!! He likes to stay at the birthing center with me, it's like our own special retreat getaway...plus, part of the price we pay covers all of BOTH of our meals while we're there, takeout to any restaurant in the area including steak, salmon, etc. Can't beat that!
But my dressers and nightstands are still an ugly brown and the drawers go in crooked and the finish is coming off. They are also piled high with lots of remodeling stuff...paint, brushes, drill bits, etc. So just as soon as I can finish up painting my beautiful $40 Craigslist antique dresser w/matching mirror (that will be my changing table, it's so lovely, with HUGE, deep drawers to boot!) then I can empty out my ugly dresser and get that OUT of my room.
I am also going to purchase a chandelier for my bedroom, it'll be the crowning glory and soooooo gorgeous with the blue & white color scheme, so peaceful and serene! This is the one I have bookmarked to buy as soon as I can sell some things on Craigslist to get the money for. They UPPED the price recently though, bleh, I hate it when that happens! Hopefully DH can put it in for me when it comes - I'm planning to get a dimmer switch for that light which will be create such a lovely mood lighting.
I need to get some things for the baby still like the blankets, bed, swing, and belly band from my sister -- wash the carseat, buy 1 more nursing bra, a changing pad to go on top of the dresser, maxi pads (oh yes, looking forward to THAT again after not having had a period for almost a year!). Lots to do, and my body is shutting down on me - things are becoming very awkward to do, like putting on my socks! Nearly impossible. Picking up the house - I have to sit down and clean everything around me and then scoot to the next half of the room, lol.
I also have pretty much, um, no idea what we're going to do with the kids when I'm at the birthing center for 2 days. Rachel is old enough to babysit during the day only but...there's school and she never wants to miss a day. It's hard to know what to plan since we don't know if it'll be on the weekend, or weekday, or what...and I usually stay 2 nights there. Bret will be taking a week off from work, SO nice to have that planned!! He likes to stay at the birthing center with me, it's like our own special retreat getaway...plus, part of the price we pay covers all of BOTH of our meals while we're there, takeout to any restaurant in the area including steak, salmon, etc. Can't beat that!
Week 37, Day 5 - Pregnancy Update - weigh-in too.
This morning I weighed in at 155, 1 pound less than last time! That was heartening for me to see - not that I'm *trying* to lose weight, but you always wonder at this stage where the baby supposedly gains 2lbs per week, if the scale is going to be majorly up when you step on it! So in 12 days (can't BELIEVE it's been that long already since I last weighed, in my pre-pregnancy days that would be UNHEARD of to go that long!! Jen you can probably relate lol), I have lost a pound. Total weight gain so far this pregnancy: 28 pounds. I think that is fantastic!!
I have eaten worse this pregnancy than with the last 2 babies - I am SHOCKED that I have still been able to maintain such a great weight gain. Maybe it's partly because I ran for the first 6 months of being pregnant?
I think a good part of it, though, is the simple fact that I remain a pretty hardcore vegetarian - and most of the time, vegan. For me, for my body, it must be the key to regulating weight loss...and when I kick it into gear by adding low calories + exercise, it melts off unbelievably fast. This is a huge comfort to me because then I don't have to stress about being able to lose the weight after the baby. I can take my time and enjoy the first 2 months, then know that once I put my hand to the plow I'll see results fairly quickly. In other words, I won't be "stuck".
Part of losing a pound is, I think, in thanks to your email Tereza smacking me back into reality (hee hee) and making me realize that I needed to get back on track and eat well IN MODERATION so that I'll be able to take care of my baby & 7 other kiddos 12 & under. I always try to go so hard core with many happy plans and dreams for the next few weeks, and then it's just too much and I divebomb BIGTIME.
For some reason I am totally ENAMORED with oatmeal lately - I've been eating basically 3 square meals a day (well, maybe not so "square" when you consider that I don't eat any pure animal protein, but you know what I mean!) and two, yes TWO of those meals are oatmeal!! I guess this baby is going to like oatmeal!
This was also my standard yummy breakfast when I was working hard on weightloss -- but I am actually eating DOUBLE of what I ate back then. I suppose it's good that I'm craving oatmeal though, instead of a multitude of other things I could be eating. For lunch these days I almost always have a black bean chipotle burger with all the fixings - just like you would put on a hamburger only the bread is 2 slices of whole wheat.
And I've been enjoying a small handful of chocolate chips during naptime while I browse pinterest or read blogs or watch a show - it's nice to not have to stuff my face with chocolate but to still enjoy some AND see the scale go down. Yay!
I have eaten worse this pregnancy than with the last 2 babies - I am SHOCKED that I have still been able to maintain such a great weight gain. Maybe it's partly because I ran for the first 6 months of being pregnant?
I think a good part of it, though, is the simple fact that I remain a pretty hardcore vegetarian - and most of the time, vegan. For me, for my body, it must be the key to regulating weight loss...and when I kick it into gear by adding low calories + exercise, it melts off unbelievably fast. This is a huge comfort to me because then I don't have to stress about being able to lose the weight after the baby. I can take my time and enjoy the first 2 months, then know that once I put my hand to the plow I'll see results fairly quickly. In other words, I won't be "stuck".
Part of losing a pound is, I think, in thanks to your email Tereza smacking me back into reality (hee hee) and making me realize that I needed to get back on track and eat well IN MODERATION so that I'll be able to take care of my baby & 7 other kiddos 12 & under. I always try to go so hard core with many happy plans and dreams for the next few weeks, and then it's just too much and I divebomb BIGTIME.
For some reason I am totally ENAMORED with oatmeal lately - I've been eating basically 3 square meals a day (well, maybe not so "square" when you consider that I don't eat any pure animal protein, but you know what I mean!) and two, yes TWO of those meals are oatmeal!! I guess this baby is going to like oatmeal!
This was also my standard yummy breakfast when I was working hard on weightloss -- but I am actually eating DOUBLE of what I ate back then. I suppose it's good that I'm craving oatmeal though, instead of a multitude of other things I could be eating. For lunch these days I almost always have a black bean chipotle burger with all the fixings - just like you would put on a hamburger only the bread is 2 slices of whole wheat.
And I've been enjoying a small handful of chocolate chips during naptime while I browse pinterest or read blogs or watch a show - it's nice to not have to stuff my face with chocolate but to still enjoy some AND see the scale go down. Yay!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
So happy with my eating today!
Focusing on nutrition and trying to be in the best condition for the growing baby, birth, and postpartum has really put things in persective for me. While today was not perfect by any means, I seem to have curbed the monster of must.eat.junk.now.because.I.can - yay! I was all vegan except for the cheese & thin slice of deli ham but I'm okay with that. My goal for today was to only have a small amount of chocolate and to juice - and the other things just naturally fell into place.
2 cups of yummy warm oatmeal in water, honey, raisins, cinnamon.
Juiced: 2 carrots, 2 stalks celery, 2 apples
2 pieces ww bread with one slice of honey ham, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard, onion, and a slice of cheese.
2.5 pieces of the snack-size chocolate. This was a major victory for me and I loved knowing that it was ok to eat some, just not eat *all*.
1 cup of lentil sloppy joes with 1.5 homemade ww rolls.
I feel satisfied and happy right now, and am confident that I won't eat anything else I shouldn't - I am on the right track for today, anyway! If I am hungry later I plan to eat some crisp apples; they're in season now and so good, from local farms around here.
2 cups of yummy warm oatmeal in water, honey, raisins, cinnamon.
Juiced: 2 carrots, 2 stalks celery, 2 apples
2 pieces ww bread with one slice of honey ham, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard, onion, and a slice of cheese.
2.5 pieces of the snack-size chocolate. This was a major victory for me and I loved knowing that it was ok to eat some, just not eat *all*.
1 cup of lentil sloppy joes with 1.5 homemade ww rolls.
I feel satisfied and happy right now, and am confident that I won't eat anything else I shouldn't - I am on the right track for today, anyway! If I am hungry later I plan to eat some crisp apples; they're in season now and so good, from local farms around here.
Week 36, Day 6 - I did it!!! I juiced this morning! And pregnancy thoughts...
Thank you Tereza for your SUPER good and practical comment yesterday regarding taking small steps to get back into more healthy eating habits so that when the baby comes I have a much better outlook and emotional stability AND ability to take care of eight kiddos! (Still not sure if I can do this, eight just sounds like so much more than seven, lol!)
I was really inspired to take baby steps and that helped me alot - instead of trying to tackle the ENTIRE day, eating all raw or something like that, I decided to simply juice every morning no matter what, before I eat oatmeal or go shopping or whatever it is I have planned for the day. I know this one step is going to help get my day off on the right foot, not to mention of course the health benefits.
I also am facing the issue of lots of chocolate Halloween candy up on top of the fridge from the kids. So instead of totally binging and eating tons of it, or the flip side - totally going ALL OUT and saying no chocolate or sugar of ANY kind, I am going to allow myself one yummy piece to slowly savor and enjoy during naptime. We'll see if that does the trick!
Talking to my midwife yesterday about my nutrition lately, it came to me that while it IS true that I can't really think about weight loss right now or immediately after having the baby, it IS really important for me to think about nutrition and what the baby needs to get good and FAT these next few weeks (lol!). And then since I always have so much trouble nursing, or at least with my milk supply, it is even more important to do MY best so that I give this baby the best fighting chance to nurse as long as possible.
It was a neat revelation for me, especially to really push myself in the direction of wanting to take care of him - this little baby that I have never met and have struggled SO much to accept and love despite not wanting to get/be pregnant again. I am working really hard these last few weeks to turn my heart soft towards this new arrival and rejoice in the good things that come with a baby instead of just, well, DREADING everything and just wishing the whole situation would go away! Ha! Like that's really going to happen!
I remember having a freakout moment with my first baby, when I realized that OH.MY.GOSH this baby has to come out, one way or another. I've been dreading the birth for some time now as well with this baby, but lately I am just amazed at how God is changing my heart and I am actually now, really looking forward to it! I can honestly say that I am embracing the birth and the contractions, the pain of it - not fighting it, is what I am consciously working on in my thoughts. It's working - I am excited!
Ever since I can remember, for each baby (she had 11 and since I am 2nd oldest, I got to watch them arrive one by one and love on them too..hmmm...maybe that's where I got my love for babies!) my Mom would always buy these adorable flannel prints of fabric and make baby blankets out of them. Her theory was that the receiving blankets on the market these days are wayyyy too small! And it's true, it's hard to actually properly swaddle an infant when you just don't have much material to work with - especially the way they can kick!
She would buy one full yard of each print, and that's how big the blanket would be. Not lined or double backed or anything, just a simple seam to keep it from fraying. My sister has a sewing machine and just made a bunch for her baby when she had her in June...so I asked her if she would make some for me if I bought the fabric? YES, she would love to, she said!
So yesterday after dropping off Rachel12 and her friend at the movie theater DH was so gracious to watch the kids so I could do some shopping. Oh yes, heavy, heavy tummy....it's hard to shop these days! But it was relaxing for my mind even if it wasn't for my poor shuffling legs that were trying to hold up this almost-full-term baby body.
Anyways, I took a peek at the fabrics available - on sale from $6.99/yard to $2.99/yard through the 12th! SO happy for that! If I buy 8 blankets, or 8 yards, that comes out to $24 for 8 blankets - plus there is a 10% off coupon I can use on Saturday so, yay! Pretty good for something I will use for years to come. Jack & Harmony both still have their blankets and love them, they will not go to sleep unless they have at least one with them.
The soft and sweet little prints just made me tear up - it's finally dawning on me, that I am getting an adorable little baby out of all of this suffering! The good memories and precious times came flooding back and it was just overwhelming - I can tell that this baby is going to be really emotional for me. I've gone through so much this pregnancy...I remember going to Arizona with Bret in April when I was so, so sick...and just standing there waiting for the taxi to come after our trip, and could not stop the tears. WHY?!! Why was I pregnant again? I don't.want.to.feel.like.this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No no no no no.........!!!
So thankful for the work God has done in my heart, and honestly, even though I still get twinges of annoyance and frustration that I am pregnant..AGAIN...I am thankful for this that He has brought my way. So, SO thankful for the tears of anguish I have had to cry, so thankful for the NEED that I have been in this entire pregnancy --- because without being in need, where am I? Most likely happy with my life and not needing Him for much.
Thank you for staying with me through this journey, it is almost over!! I can't believe it...and I just know that some day, even a year from now, I will skim through this pregnancy blog and just shake my head in wonder of how God so perfectly orchestrated this whole thing.
I was really inspired to take baby steps and that helped me alot - instead of trying to tackle the ENTIRE day, eating all raw or something like that, I decided to simply juice every morning no matter what, before I eat oatmeal or go shopping or whatever it is I have planned for the day. I know this one step is going to help get my day off on the right foot, not to mention of course the health benefits.
I also am facing the issue of lots of chocolate Halloween candy up on top of the fridge from the kids. So instead of totally binging and eating tons of it, or the flip side - totally going ALL OUT and saying no chocolate or sugar of ANY kind, I am going to allow myself one yummy piece to slowly savor and enjoy during naptime. We'll see if that does the trick!
Talking to my midwife yesterday about my nutrition lately, it came to me that while it IS true that I can't really think about weight loss right now or immediately after having the baby, it IS really important for me to think about nutrition and what the baby needs to get good and FAT these next few weeks (lol!). And then since I always have so much trouble nursing, or at least with my milk supply, it is even more important to do MY best so that I give this baby the best fighting chance to nurse as long as possible.
It was a neat revelation for me, especially to really push myself in the direction of wanting to take care of him - this little baby that I have never met and have struggled SO much to accept and love despite not wanting to get/be pregnant again. I am working really hard these last few weeks to turn my heart soft towards this new arrival and rejoice in the good things that come with a baby instead of just, well, DREADING everything and just wishing the whole situation would go away! Ha! Like that's really going to happen!
I remember having a freakout moment with my first baby, when I realized that OH.MY.GOSH this baby has to come out, one way or another. I've been dreading the birth for some time now as well with this baby, but lately I am just amazed at how God is changing my heart and I am actually now, really looking forward to it! I can honestly say that I am embracing the birth and the contractions, the pain of it - not fighting it, is what I am consciously working on in my thoughts. It's working - I am excited!
Ever since I can remember, for each baby (she had 11 and since I am 2nd oldest, I got to watch them arrive one by one and love on them too..hmmm...maybe that's where I got my love for babies!) my Mom would always buy these adorable flannel prints of fabric and make baby blankets out of them. Her theory was that the receiving blankets on the market these days are wayyyy too small! And it's true, it's hard to actually properly swaddle an infant when you just don't have much material to work with - especially the way they can kick!
She would buy one full yard of each print, and that's how big the blanket would be. Not lined or double backed or anything, just a simple seam to keep it from fraying. My sister has a sewing machine and just made a bunch for her baby when she had her in June...so I asked her if she would make some for me if I bought the fabric? YES, she would love to, she said!
So yesterday after dropping off Rachel12 and her friend at the movie theater DH was so gracious to watch the kids so I could do some shopping. Oh yes, heavy, heavy tummy....it's hard to shop these days! But it was relaxing for my mind even if it wasn't for my poor shuffling legs that were trying to hold up this almost-full-term baby body.
Anyways, I took a peek at the fabrics available - on sale from $6.99/yard to $2.99/yard through the 12th! SO happy for that! If I buy 8 blankets, or 8 yards, that comes out to $24 for 8 blankets - plus there is a 10% off coupon I can use on Saturday so, yay! Pretty good for something I will use for years to come. Jack & Harmony both still have their blankets and love them, they will not go to sleep unless they have at least one with them.
The soft and sweet little prints just made me tear up - it's finally dawning on me, that I am getting an adorable little baby out of all of this suffering! The good memories and precious times came flooding back and it was just overwhelming - I can tell that this baby is going to be really emotional for me. I've gone through so much this pregnancy...I remember going to Arizona with Bret in April when I was so, so sick...and just standing there waiting for the taxi to come after our trip, and could not stop the tears. WHY?!! Why was I pregnant again? I don't.want.to.feel.like.this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No no no no no.........!!!
So thankful for the work God has done in my heart, and honestly, even though I still get twinges of annoyance and frustration that I am pregnant..AGAIN...I am thankful for this that He has brought my way. So, SO thankful for the tears of anguish I have had to cry, so thankful for the NEED that I have been in this entire pregnancy --- because without being in need, where am I? Most likely happy with my life and not needing Him for much.
Thank you for staying with me through this journey, it is almost over!! I can't believe it...and I just know that some day, even a year from now, I will skim through this pregnancy blog and just shake my head in wonder of how God so perfectly orchestrated this whole thing.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Week 36, Day 5 - I think my hernia is gone??
At least, it hasn't bothered me in about 5 days or so. SO nice!!!
So now can I go running again? Ha ha --- I honestly can't IMAGINE how anyone can go running at 36 weeks, let alone the DAY they give birth! It's not the being in physical shape that makes me wonder - it's the fact that the baby's head is so far down that even just walking around the house, is uncomfortable for me. It feels like something is scraping against my bone every time I walk - especially the later it gets in the day and the more tired I get. Kind of like when the baby is kicking your ribs, only in a different place.
Hmmm.
I'm having a hard time slacking in the eating department for the past, oh, 3 weeks? It's getting harder for me to be motivated because I'm so close! I keep telling myself that I know how to lose weight so it's not that big of a deal if I gain some. I honestly have like, no care at all, what I look like right now - I guess that's a good thing.
Except that in 10 days I'm going to a big posh Christmas party with DH for work where I have to wear a little black dress. I am tempted to work super hard to eat REALLY healthy for the next 10 days just for that - like juicing in the morning, and eating only whole foods....I actually had decided to do that several times already. I don't want to have that bloated, half-dead/haggard look of someone who eats tons of sugar and lots of bad food and is almost ready to give birth. I want to be VIBRANT and I want it to SHOW that I eat really well!
Alas, then I get chocolate cravings and do something stupid like go to the store just to get 8 Reese's peanut butter cups AND and Almond Joy, and proceed to eat ALL OF IT within a 20 minute period.
We get paid on Friday, and what I would really love to do is buy a big bag of spinach and start drinking a 72oz green smoothie + juicing every day. Then also add in my oatmeal-cinnamon-blueberries-honey-raisins for one of my meals, as well as a whole, plant based preferrably low-fat dinner. Wouldn't that be awesome? Just sail through these next few weeks before the baby comes and really prepare my body and strengthen it with fantastic nutrition?
It's just hard to be motivated, rrrr. Problem is, once the baby DOES come? It's not like I'm going to "feel" automatically like just up & eating super healthy. Emotions are going to be even more crazy, and emotional eating is totally my M.O. Plus, I've given myself (in my head) until February 1st (approx 2 months postpartum) to start really working out and busting out the fat loss - which means, that it'd be super easy just to eat and eat and eat right on through the holidays.
In the past, with the last baby that I ever gained 50lbs with - I LOST 20 pounds naturally after having the baby and then proceeded to GAIN 10 pounds back from eating brownies every day for like a month, out of emotional eating postpartum.
That makes me shake in my boots! I am not by any means immune to this happening again, just because I've managed to not gain so much weight with the last 2 babies.
So anyway, dunno where this is going to go - but I guess I'm going to mostly just try to make much better choices and MAYBE even juice today anyway, despite the fact that my breakfast consisted of 1/2 pancake with syrup, 2 bowls of cereal w/milk, and like 8 cookies.
Hmph.
So now can I go running again? Ha ha --- I honestly can't IMAGINE how anyone can go running at 36 weeks, let alone the DAY they give birth! It's not the being in physical shape that makes me wonder - it's the fact that the baby's head is so far down that even just walking around the house, is uncomfortable for me. It feels like something is scraping against my bone every time I walk - especially the later it gets in the day and the more tired I get. Kind of like when the baby is kicking your ribs, only in a different place.
Hmmm.
I'm having a hard time slacking in the eating department for the past, oh, 3 weeks? It's getting harder for me to be motivated because I'm so close! I keep telling myself that I know how to lose weight so it's not that big of a deal if I gain some. I honestly have like, no care at all, what I look like right now - I guess that's a good thing.
Except that in 10 days I'm going to a big posh Christmas party with DH for work where I have to wear a little black dress. I am tempted to work super hard to eat REALLY healthy for the next 10 days just for that - like juicing in the morning, and eating only whole foods....I actually had decided to do that several times already. I don't want to have that bloated, half-dead/haggard look of someone who eats tons of sugar and lots of bad food and is almost ready to give birth. I want to be VIBRANT and I want it to SHOW that I eat really well!
Alas, then I get chocolate cravings and do something stupid like go to the store just to get 8 Reese's peanut butter cups AND and Almond Joy, and proceed to eat ALL OF IT within a 20 minute period.
We get paid on Friday, and what I would really love to do is buy a big bag of spinach and start drinking a 72oz green smoothie + juicing every day. Then also add in my oatmeal-cinnamon-blueberries-honey-raisins for one of my meals, as well as a whole, plant based preferrably low-fat dinner. Wouldn't that be awesome? Just sail through these next few weeks before the baby comes and really prepare my body and strengthen it with fantastic nutrition?
It's just hard to be motivated, rrrr. Problem is, once the baby DOES come? It's not like I'm going to "feel" automatically like just up & eating super healthy. Emotions are going to be even more crazy, and emotional eating is totally my M.O. Plus, I've given myself (in my head) until February 1st (approx 2 months postpartum) to start really working out and busting out the fat loss - which means, that it'd be super easy just to eat and eat and eat right on through the holidays.
In the past, with the last baby that I ever gained 50lbs with - I LOST 20 pounds naturally after having the baby and then proceeded to GAIN 10 pounds back from eating brownies every day for like a month, out of emotional eating postpartum.
That makes me shake in my boots! I am not by any means immune to this happening again, just because I've managed to not gain so much weight with the last 2 babies.
So anyway, dunno where this is going to go - but I guess I'm going to mostly just try to make much better choices and MAYBE even juice today anyway, despite the fact that my breakfast consisted of 1/2 pancake with syrup, 2 bowls of cereal w/milk, and like 8 cookies.
Hmph.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Week 36, Day 1 - Weigh-in & Officially considered "fullterm!"
Yay! I love reaching a "new" week in my pregnancy - now I am officially considered full term and if the baby was to be born, it would thrive and be healthy. Although not ideal, my friend's baby was born 4 weeks early back when we had our first babies - they were due around the same time and it was SO not fair that she got hers so early and I had to wait FIVE more weeks for mine! But she did have difficulty nursing and he was so skinny....so I'll take a plump, happily nursing baby any day over that. =)
Weighed in this morning - I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks, and it has been absolutely DIVINE. But I am looking forward to the days when I can step on the scale and see it go down every day. Coming soon!!! =) =)
With this baby, my weight issues have been interesting. I'd say for the first 7 months I stressed HEAVILY about my weight gain - most likely because before I got pregnant, I had almost reached my ideal measurements. For the first time in my entire life - I worked super hard for it, and got it. I look back on my pictures now and I almost look too thin! But it was awesome - I wasn't too thin, I had tone and loved it.
So this time around, this pregnancy, has been difficult just in the fact that I've had to watch my body balloon up again, cellulite has returned, and there is a humongous lack of definition, ha ha! But at least I can claim rounded curves, eh?
The difference with my postpartum outlook, though, is HUGE. I now know exactly what I have to do in order to lose the weight. I know how to do it quickly once I put my mind to it - the Venus Index was the best thing that ever happened to me besides raw, I'd say, as far as fitness and awareness goes. I'm not sure how fasting and low calorie ties in with nursing so that is going to be a touch & go kind of thing, but I am confident that I will get there. Totally confident.
Because of that, I feel way more relaxed - I remember chomping at the BIT last baby, to lose the weight. This time around I feel more lazy about it and more like, wanting to just chill and not stress. Enjoy the baby, enjoy the postpartum time without trying to do too much, too soon. So that is really, really nice.
Weigh-in today was 156. I couldn't find on my blog where I last weighed, oops. So no way to compare, but I think I was stuck at 153 for a long time. I'm thrilled with this number, especially when I consider the fact that I really haven't eaten very much raw or even all that healthy this entire pregnancy. In the past pregnancies where I REALLY ate unhealthy, I was usually at about 190 pounds by now. Ouch.
I doubled checked for reference, Harmony's pregnancy, where I was at - at week 36 I weighed 158. So I am 2 pounds less than I was with her, yay! I'm not doing ANY exercise and haven't for several months, and my eating is pretty much awful. I sometimes will either skip breakfast or eat raw for breakfast, but many days my eating consists of:
Big bowl of oatmeal with blueberries, honey, cinnamon, raisins (eaten and prepared with water).
Chipotle Black Bean burger with tomato, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, 1 slice of cheddar - eaten on 2 pieces of bread.
Handful of chips, maybe a chocolate bar or two.
Roll + fairly healthy soup, quinoa, potatoes, etc.
See? NO veggies...NO fruit....at least, not in the quantities I've eaten in the past! I'm just not feeling the whole raw thing, rrrrr. Each day is different, though, and I'm taking it like that - sometimes I will fast in the morning and go grocery shopping and GRAPES OMG look so yummy I'll just buy a 2 pound bunch and eat almost the whole thing for breakfast instead of oatmeal.
Bread is my enemy, it makes me feel like crap. And also chips, even tortilla plain ones...waaah. Heartburn is also more prevalent this pregnancy than the last one, but once I eat raw for even half a day, it leaves...so it's nice to know at least I can control it!
Well, 7am has rolled around and it's time to get my booty in gear and prepare the kids' clothes & lunches.
Oh! Yesterday I went shopping for Christmas presents at consignment stores and came upon the MOST adorable little Robeez boots for $5, lined in the softest "fur" ever. They're normally in the $30 range new and they were LIKE new so I had to buy them.
I had these boots in plain brown for Grace7 when she was a baby and loved them. I wouldn't have actualy chosen this particular pattern but for $5? Couldn't pass it up. They are the first thing I have actually purchased for the baby and I put them in my room by my bed just to look at. SO cute and totally therapeautic in helping me visualize the new little baby I'm about to receive and be happy about it. Yay!
Weighed in this morning - I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks, and it has been absolutely DIVINE. But I am looking forward to the days when I can step on the scale and see it go down every day. Coming soon!!! =) =)
With this baby, my weight issues have been interesting. I'd say for the first 7 months I stressed HEAVILY about my weight gain - most likely because before I got pregnant, I had almost reached my ideal measurements. For the first time in my entire life - I worked super hard for it, and got it. I look back on my pictures now and I almost look too thin! But it was awesome - I wasn't too thin, I had tone and loved it.
So this time around, this pregnancy, has been difficult just in the fact that I've had to watch my body balloon up again, cellulite has returned, and there is a humongous lack of definition, ha ha! But at least I can claim rounded curves, eh?
The difference with my postpartum outlook, though, is HUGE. I now know exactly what I have to do in order to lose the weight. I know how to do it quickly once I put my mind to it - the Venus Index was the best thing that ever happened to me besides raw, I'd say, as far as fitness and awareness goes. I'm not sure how fasting and low calorie ties in with nursing so that is going to be a touch & go kind of thing, but I am confident that I will get there. Totally confident.
Because of that, I feel way more relaxed - I remember chomping at the BIT last baby, to lose the weight. This time around I feel more lazy about it and more like, wanting to just chill and not stress. Enjoy the baby, enjoy the postpartum time without trying to do too much, too soon. So that is really, really nice.
Weigh-in today was 156. I couldn't find on my blog where I last weighed, oops. So no way to compare, but I think I was stuck at 153 for a long time. I'm thrilled with this number, especially when I consider the fact that I really haven't eaten very much raw or even all that healthy this entire pregnancy. In the past pregnancies where I REALLY ate unhealthy, I was usually at about 190 pounds by now. Ouch.
I doubled checked for reference, Harmony's pregnancy, where I was at - at week 36 I weighed 158. So I am 2 pounds less than I was with her, yay! I'm not doing ANY exercise and haven't for several months, and my eating is pretty much awful. I sometimes will either skip breakfast or eat raw for breakfast, but many days my eating consists of:
Big bowl of oatmeal with blueberries, honey, cinnamon, raisins (eaten and prepared with water).
Chipotle Black Bean burger with tomato, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, 1 slice of cheddar - eaten on 2 pieces of bread.
Handful of chips, maybe a chocolate bar or two.
Roll + fairly healthy soup, quinoa, potatoes, etc.
See? NO veggies...NO fruit....at least, not in the quantities I've eaten in the past! I'm just not feeling the whole raw thing, rrrrr. Each day is different, though, and I'm taking it like that - sometimes I will fast in the morning and go grocery shopping and GRAPES OMG look so yummy I'll just buy a 2 pound bunch and eat almost the whole thing for breakfast instead of oatmeal.
Bread is my enemy, it makes me feel like crap. And also chips, even tortilla plain ones...waaah. Heartburn is also more prevalent this pregnancy than the last one, but once I eat raw for even half a day, it leaves...so it's nice to know at least I can control it!
Well, 7am has rolled around and it's time to get my booty in gear and prepare the kids' clothes & lunches.
Oh! Yesterday I went shopping for Christmas presents at consignment stores and came upon the MOST adorable little Robeez boots for $5, lined in the softest "fur" ever. They're normally in the $30 range new and they were LIKE new so I had to buy them.
I had these boots in plain brown for Grace7 when she was a baby and loved them. I wouldn't have actualy chosen this particular pattern but for $5? Couldn't pass it up. They are the first thing I have actually purchased for the baby and I put them in my room by my bed just to look at. SO cute and totally therapeautic in helping me visualize the new little baby I'm about to receive and be happy about it. Yay!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Week 35, Day 6 - Things that make me happy!
The past few days have been good ones, I'm starting to get excited about having a baby and that is such a GOOD thing for me!! I got this little flashback the other day of how relaxing and sweet it is to nurse a little baby - and how it was kind of sad for me before, when I knew that Harmony was probably my last baby -- that I would never nurse again. She even quit at 3 months, too! So it was like oh yeah, I forgot about that part!!!
It made me more excited, memories of being in my room for hours on end by myself nursing the baby and just hanging out with my laptop while DH or others took care of the bigger kids. I'm working really hard to BANISH all thoughts of negativity about this baby, and focus on all the good things and -- it's working! It also helps that I am only 4 weeks away from my due date now - it's becoming more "real" and not so very very far away sounding.
I was thinking this morning, about some things that make me happy in my life - I know there are a billion more tiny little things but these popped into my head throughout the morning and I thought I'd share.
1. Clean matching socks in the sock basket for when I am putting together all the kids' outfits in the morning before they get up. I'm usually sleepy and it takes me twice as long to get ready if I have to hunt everywhere for clean socks! **love**!
2. Fun/yummy things to put in their lunches and surprise them with. I enjoy making their lunches and anticipating their reaction and just putting LOVE into making that meal enjoyable for them. DH brought home some donuts leftover from his office last night, and we NEVER buy donuts unless it's a party -- way too expensive at $1 a pop for our family! They were so excited this morning to each pick one out for their lunches! (and I had one...or two...ahem)
3. I'm getting excited about CHRISTMAS!! It's coming early to our house this year since I am going to be having the baby in early December - I plan to hopefully decorate the whole house right after Thanksgiving (maybe too hopeful, since my due date is the day after, but I think the kids will be happy to help me). I am also trying my hardest to get most, if not all, of their presents before the baby comes. I won't be able to shop out of the house -- and I would really love to find some cute sets of Polly Pockets, Monster Trucks, etc USED at the local consignment/thrift stores. So that's what I'll be working on during the days that Lucy is here to babysit. Or maybe Craigslist too.
And!! I had the kids all write down what they want for Christmas, and put it in a Word document - and I found last year's! SUPER helpful because they had alot of great ideas but of course I didn't get them everything they wanted. It helps alot to remember what I got them and what they really loved - also little things like jerky (my brother smokes his own and it is the BOMB so I'm planning to ask him to make some for the stockings & I'll pay for the meat!) and Ranch cornnuts. Things we don't usually buy but they love.
We've budgeted carefully this year so beginning in October, I have had a little nest egg of $$ to spend, with some more coming in the November & December paychecks. It's really fun because in past years I haven't had ANY money to spend on Christmas until December and I always forget about black Friday and the many deals that pop up on hip2save.com. (LOVE that site - you should check it out!!!) It's frustrating not being able to take advantage of these awesome sales unless I take the $$ out of the grocery money which of course, at the end of the month then we don't have enough! So I'm excited...it's also neat to be able to have the money and yet, take my time and watch for the best deals.
Thanks to hip2save, I was able to fulfill Rachel's wishlist for a Bath & Body works "Dark Kiss" gift set. Those are SPENDY and I wasn't sure how I was going to pull that off, buying her that AND other gifts (we have a limit of 5 gifts per child under the tree). I got her FIVE items ($10+ each) when a heads up from Hip2save let me use the buy3get2free sale, + $1 shipping code + 25% off. I wouldn't have even KNOWN about that had I not checked hip2save!
4. Warm yummy raisin-cinnamon-honey-blueberry oatmeal on a cozy fall morning!
5. DH & I went on a date last night, Rachel was urging us to go because she is saving for a trip to Disneyland in the spring with her aunt. We took her up on it, and when we got back?? CLEAN house, dishwasher emptied, trash emptied, OUR bedroom cleaned ("I wanted to cuz it was messy," she said), laundry switched from washer to dryer, new load put in the washer, AND the clean load folded & put away!
WOW! I was totally floored, she is such a funny girl. Doesn't take the initiative to do these kind of things when I'm home, but when I'm gone it's almost like she wants to surprise me so she does lots & lots. But also I think she hopes for a "bonus" in her pay =) =) =) which I am MORE than happy to give. Annnnnnd...this tells me what she is capable of doing when I have the baby - hmmmm. Dishwasher unloading, laundry folding, and cleaning my bedroom are all jobs that I do exclusively so now my wheels are turning. Hee hee.
6. When all the kids remember their backpacks so I don't have to turn around and go right back to school with the forgotten one. It's a 17 min round trip ride - ouch on the time wasted AND the gas in our Expedition SUV! I told James10 to remind me to do a "backpack call" in the morning right before we leave in the car. But usually I'm scrambling to just buckle the little ones and get out of there on time that it totally slips my mind. It's important they have their backpacks because they don't provide lunches at school so they need their packed lunch.
Guess that's it on the agenda today - I'm started to feel the effects of those 2 donuts I had this morning. At least I made myself eat oatmeal first instead of JUST the donuts.
It made me more excited, memories of being in my room for hours on end by myself nursing the baby and just hanging out with my laptop while DH or others took care of the bigger kids. I'm working really hard to BANISH all thoughts of negativity about this baby, and focus on all the good things and -- it's working! It also helps that I am only 4 weeks away from my due date now - it's becoming more "real" and not so very very far away sounding.
I was thinking this morning, about some things that make me happy in my life - I know there are a billion more tiny little things but these popped into my head throughout the morning and I thought I'd share.
1. Clean matching socks in the sock basket for when I am putting together all the kids' outfits in the morning before they get up. I'm usually sleepy and it takes me twice as long to get ready if I have to hunt everywhere for clean socks! **love**!
2. Fun/yummy things to put in their lunches and surprise them with. I enjoy making their lunches and anticipating their reaction and just putting LOVE into making that meal enjoyable for them. DH brought home some donuts leftover from his office last night, and we NEVER buy donuts unless it's a party -- way too expensive at $1 a pop for our family! They were so excited this morning to each pick one out for their lunches! (and I had one...or two...ahem)
3. I'm getting excited about CHRISTMAS!! It's coming early to our house this year since I am going to be having the baby in early December - I plan to hopefully decorate the whole house right after Thanksgiving (maybe too hopeful, since my due date is the day after, but I think the kids will be happy to help me). I am also trying my hardest to get most, if not all, of their presents before the baby comes. I won't be able to shop out of the house -- and I would really love to find some cute sets of Polly Pockets, Monster Trucks, etc USED at the local consignment/thrift stores. So that's what I'll be working on during the days that Lucy is here to babysit. Or maybe Craigslist too.
And!! I had the kids all write down what they want for Christmas, and put it in a Word document - and I found last year's! SUPER helpful because they had alot of great ideas but of course I didn't get them everything they wanted. It helps alot to remember what I got them and what they really loved - also little things like jerky (my brother smokes his own and it is the BOMB so I'm planning to ask him to make some for the stockings & I'll pay for the meat!) and Ranch cornnuts. Things we don't usually buy but they love.
We've budgeted carefully this year so beginning in October, I have had a little nest egg of $$ to spend, with some more coming in the November & December paychecks. It's really fun because in past years I haven't had ANY money to spend on Christmas until December and I always forget about black Friday and the many deals that pop up on hip2save.com. (LOVE that site - you should check it out!!!) It's frustrating not being able to take advantage of these awesome sales unless I take the $$ out of the grocery money which of course, at the end of the month then we don't have enough! So I'm excited...it's also neat to be able to have the money and yet, take my time and watch for the best deals.
Thanks to hip2save, I was able to fulfill Rachel's wishlist for a Bath & Body works "Dark Kiss" gift set. Those are SPENDY and I wasn't sure how I was going to pull that off, buying her that AND other gifts (we have a limit of 5 gifts per child under the tree). I got her FIVE items ($10+ each) when a heads up from Hip2save let me use the buy3get2free sale, + $1 shipping code + 25% off. I wouldn't have even KNOWN about that had I not checked hip2save!
4. Warm yummy raisin-cinnamon-honey-blueberry oatmeal on a cozy fall morning!
5. DH & I went on a date last night, Rachel was urging us to go because she is saving for a trip to Disneyland in the spring with her aunt. We took her up on it, and when we got back?? CLEAN house, dishwasher emptied, trash emptied, OUR bedroom cleaned ("I wanted to cuz it was messy," she said), laundry switched from washer to dryer, new load put in the washer, AND the clean load folded & put away!
WOW! I was totally floored, she is such a funny girl. Doesn't take the initiative to do these kind of things when I'm home, but when I'm gone it's almost like she wants to surprise me so she does lots & lots. But also I think she hopes for a "bonus" in her pay =) =) =) which I am MORE than happy to give. Annnnnnd...this tells me what she is capable of doing when I have the baby - hmmmm. Dishwasher unloading, laundry folding, and cleaning my bedroom are all jobs that I do exclusively so now my wheels are turning. Hee hee.
6. When all the kids remember their backpacks so I don't have to turn around and go right back to school with the forgotten one. It's a 17 min round trip ride - ouch on the time wasted AND the gas in our Expedition SUV! I told James10 to remind me to do a "backpack call" in the morning right before we leave in the car. But usually I'm scrambling to just buckle the little ones and get out of there on time that it totally slips my mind. It's important they have their backpacks because they don't provide lunches at school so they need their packed lunch.
Guess that's it on the agenda today - I'm started to feel the effects of those 2 donuts I had this morning. At least I made myself eat oatmeal first instead of JUST the donuts.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Week 35, Day 2 - So overwhelmed...Saturday meltdowns
Saturdays are beginning to be the new meltdown days for me it seems. Last Saturday I spent so much time crying I felt like my whole day was like one emotional basketcase! Fortunately I was away part of the day and was able to cry out to God in my need in the car as I was driving...that was really special. I seem to start the day out with high hopes but by the late afternoon I am so overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of what is required of me that I basically just cannot stop the tears from coming. There seems to be no end in sight, 5 weeks and probably longer, how much more of this can I endure?
It's not that I am in pain or that my days are torturous by any means, I really do have good days! But I think it's when all the kids are home and they simply do not care, or just don't see any need to pick up their toys, to not make a million messes and actually pick them up, to stop all crying at me at the same time...I just feel like I'm one person against the world.
I pick something up from the floor and accidentally drop it again, and it just makes me want to scream - it takes so.much.effort just to bend over and slowly pick it up! Just that one little thing - let alone the socks and the shoes and the candy wrappers and the cars and the discarded clothes and the books and the Toys R Us ad Marie was looking at. All on the floor.
I remember from previous pregnancies feeling this way, just not really sure how to do....this. How to be a Mom to lots of littles when I myself just am not physically able to do it - the sheer amount of TIME it takes to clean a room now is double what it used to be. And then Harmony climbs up on the counter and finds the bag with 1/2 cup of lentils I didn't use in last night's dinner and puts them in a cup, and promptly spills them all over the entry way. Sigh.
Anyway, I remember feeling this way and realizing two things.
One, that if I can just sit on the floor and clean around me, then scoot to another section and clean there, then keep on going - take a small trash can or bag with me and everything that is not trash, just put it on the couch. That way when I *do* stand up, I can more easily clean everything that is now on the couch because it doesn't require bending all the way down.
The other thing, is that I am not able to do marathon clean anymore. I can't just take an hour and get amazing amounts of things done...and then have the rest of my day relatively free. This is SO frustrating for me! But I am forced to take 15 minute stretches of laying on the couch.
While, incidentally, the kids mess up the house again.
I do have them clean, though, I am getting rather adept at having them clean the rooms in the house they're in charge of several times a day. Just last night they were all ready to have movie night with snacks and had their jammies on, and I told the that even though they'd JUST cleaned an hour ago, the house was messy again so - no movie until they all cleaned again. LOL.It worked like a charm.
But right now, the reason I'm feeling overwhelmed is because my 2 older ones who shoulder the burden of the dining and living room cleanup, as well as the dishes at night,are gone for the whole night. It is up to me, and I'm just feeling it. DH also just mowed the backyard which means everything in his way got dumped onto the back patio -- there's ALOT of stuff on there. Crappy stuff. Like old boards, cups, bowls, Little Tikes toys big slide taken apart, numerous bikes and other pieces of trash. It looks awful and normally we'd get the kids to clean it but... since they two older ones are gone, it'd just be *normally* something I just take care of.
But I can't. Every step is heavy. And the frustration is mounting. That's why I feel a meltdown coming on, I HATE this. SO frustrating to be WILLING but my body is lugging around this heavy belly and aching back.
I guess I don't have any majorly hopeful things to say today, but it does help to write it out and know that I am not the only person who has ever felt this way. My Mom and everyone else assures me that it'll be over soon, that it is just a stage and I KNOW that - in my mind I can tell myself all sorts of things that are good reasons why I should be perfectly happy with my life. But the way I FEEL is that every day is long and it's like I'm just waiting....but waiting for what? For the baby to come out, I suppose, to not feel this way anymore, but even then, I'm just going to be trading a heavy belly for a very very tired, exhausted, and emotional one.
So.
I guess, ask me how I'm doing in maybe 3 months. Until then, just know that I am hanging in there and working on being thankful for the things that ARE good and a blessing in my life. Like the fact that I am not on bedrest??? I can't imagine!!
7 things I am thankful for, inspired by Tereza:
1. My kids are all currently healthy! No midnight barfing to deal with or high fevers and grouchy kids.
2. Even though my dryer takes 4 cycles to dry it WORKS!
3. I have a home, and not an apartment.
4. My new bedroom...my breath of fresh air when I get so overwhelmed.
5. A husband who reminded me that he doesn't know how to read my mind, but who wants to help - so ask! I will. Today. Vacuum, please? =)
6. We have enough money for gas and food until we get paid in 13 days. I think. If I'm frugal. But at least I'm not stressing about it.
7. My friend Lucy from England who is willing to come for 7 hours twice a week and clean for me, whatever I want her to do, for very small pay. She is worth her weight in GOLD!!
It's not that I am in pain or that my days are torturous by any means, I really do have good days! But I think it's when all the kids are home and they simply do not care, or just don't see any need to pick up their toys, to not make a million messes and actually pick them up, to stop all crying at me at the same time...I just feel like I'm one person against the world.
I pick something up from the floor and accidentally drop it again, and it just makes me want to scream - it takes so.much.effort just to bend over and slowly pick it up! Just that one little thing - let alone the socks and the shoes and the candy wrappers and the cars and the discarded clothes and the books and the Toys R Us ad Marie was looking at. All on the floor.
I remember from previous pregnancies feeling this way, just not really sure how to do....this. How to be a Mom to lots of littles when I myself just am not physically able to do it - the sheer amount of TIME it takes to clean a room now is double what it used to be. And then Harmony climbs up on the counter and finds the bag with 1/2 cup of lentils I didn't use in last night's dinner and puts them in a cup, and promptly spills them all over the entry way. Sigh.
Anyway, I remember feeling this way and realizing two things.
One, that if I can just sit on the floor and clean around me, then scoot to another section and clean there, then keep on going - take a small trash can or bag with me and everything that is not trash, just put it on the couch. That way when I *do* stand up, I can more easily clean everything that is now on the couch because it doesn't require bending all the way down.
The other thing, is that I am not able to do marathon clean anymore. I can't just take an hour and get amazing amounts of things done...and then have the rest of my day relatively free. This is SO frustrating for me! But I am forced to take 15 minute stretches of laying on the couch.
While, incidentally, the kids mess up the house again.
I do have them clean, though, I am getting rather adept at having them clean the rooms in the house they're in charge of several times a day. Just last night they were all ready to have movie night with snacks and had their jammies on, and I told the that even though they'd JUST cleaned an hour ago, the house was messy again so - no movie until they all cleaned again. LOL.It worked like a charm.
But right now, the reason I'm feeling overwhelmed is because my 2 older ones who shoulder the burden of the dining and living room cleanup, as well as the dishes at night,are gone for the whole night. It is up to me, and I'm just feeling it. DH also just mowed the backyard which means everything in his way got dumped onto the back patio -- there's ALOT of stuff on there. Crappy stuff. Like old boards, cups, bowls, Little Tikes toys big slide taken apart, numerous bikes and other pieces of trash. It looks awful and normally we'd get the kids to clean it but... since they two older ones are gone, it'd just be *normally* something I just take care of.
But I can't. Every step is heavy. And the frustration is mounting. That's why I feel a meltdown coming on, I HATE this. SO frustrating to be WILLING but my body is lugging around this heavy belly and aching back.
I guess I don't have any majorly hopeful things to say today, but it does help to write it out and know that I am not the only person who has ever felt this way. My Mom and everyone else assures me that it'll be over soon, that it is just a stage and I KNOW that - in my mind I can tell myself all sorts of things that are good reasons why I should be perfectly happy with my life. But the way I FEEL is that every day is long and it's like I'm just waiting....but waiting for what? For the baby to come out, I suppose, to not feel this way anymore, but even then, I'm just going to be trading a heavy belly for a very very tired, exhausted, and emotional one.
So.
I guess, ask me how I'm doing in maybe 3 months. Until then, just know that I am hanging in there and working on being thankful for the things that ARE good and a blessing in my life. Like the fact that I am not on bedrest??? I can't imagine!!
7 things I am thankful for, inspired by Tereza:
1. My kids are all currently healthy! No midnight barfing to deal with or high fevers and grouchy kids.
2. Even though my dryer takes 4 cycles to dry it WORKS!
3. I have a home, and not an apartment.
4. My new bedroom...my breath of fresh air when I get so overwhelmed.
5. A husband who reminded me that he doesn't know how to read my mind, but who wants to help - so ask! I will. Today. Vacuum, please? =)
6. We have enough money for gas and food until we get paid in 13 days. I think. If I'm frugal. But at least I'm not stressing about it.
7. My friend Lucy from England who is willing to come for 7 hours twice a week and clean for me, whatever I want her to do, for very small pay. She is worth her weight in GOLD!!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Week 32, Day 7 - On being frugal...
Being frugal is such an interesting thing. I wish I could always have the mindset to really, REALLY not spend money unnecessarily and go the extra mile to save/cut costs. I think there really are a ton of places a person could save, it's just a matter of how willing you are to make those small sacrifices.
I've noticed that me, especially with food, it is a comfort when I feel trapped in my life and like there is nothing to look forward to in my day. When all I am facing is a really messy house, husband out of town, physically feeling tired before I even start with difficulty bending down to pick things up...all I want to do is crawl into bed and forget everything. Then I remember ooooooh there's ice cream in the freezer! And hot fudge topping I can make with my famous recipe I found online using just chocolate chips, oil, and butter. Mmmmm...it makes my whole world better.
But back to being frugal, it's kind of the same thing - if I know I can spend online or go thrift shopping then I feel like my day is a little bit brighter.
The opposite is that when I know we have absolutely NO extra money, actually minus money, then I can start feeling claustrophic and squeezed tight, like there is no "out". And on the other hand, it's the same thread that I've been thinking about throughout this whole pregnancy - if I have a goal I am working towards or if I am doing it as unto the Lord then it seems like the heaviness is lifted.
You know the past 2 weeks we've been on a spending freeze...and then we got paid yesterday. It is HUGELY good for me to put together our monthly budget BEFORE we get paid because then I can see where everything is going, and see that yikes, we literally have ZERO ZERO ZERO extra money for ANYTHING. Too many dentist appointments and lots of Macleay events coming up as well as beginning payments for the baby have sucked us just plain 'ol dry. But I am so so so thankful that we do have enough to pay for our necessities - isn't that how God works? He provides, we are never left wanting...we have enough for gas, food, bills - as long as I am faithful to dole out the allotted amount for each category then I know I am well pleasing in His sight as far as that goes.
I think often of those verses in Proverbs 31, about the godly woman. The one that has often spoken to me throughout the years is the one that says, "The heart of her husband safely trusts in her." Because I am the "nerd" in the family and love doing the budget and figuring out all the money stuff, it is on my shoulders to make sure the bills get paid and not to spend a ton of money on groceries, etc. He works hard every day to make a living for our family, and then hands the money over to me - and safely trusts it in my hands.
That puts me in fear and trembling sometimes, that I not let him down and disappoint him by making rash money decisions! It has been a safeguard for me many times especially before I click "complete order" on the internet. =)NOT that I buy online very often, mostly it is a killer sale for children's clothes and I wish so bad that we had enough money to just buy them all their clothing that they need at once instead of little by little here and there at garage sales, consignment stores, etc as I happen to find it. So I talk myself into "just a couple of outfits" or "I'll only spend $50" or something like that...and it's hard to take a step back and realize that we don't actually NEED need that, y'know?
We were in Walmart yesterday and by now my kids are used to me telling them sorry, not today...when they ask. But I splurged just one tiny little bit when Jack got SUPER excited when he saw a box of Lightning Mcqueen Halloween fruit snacks, 30 packages for $4.99. Ohhhhh it was hard to think of saying no to him! The little ones usually have just ONE fruit snack pack per day while watching a movie during naptime, so that's just 2 per day - it'll last 15 days that way. Hee hee. So I bought it and that was my splurge for the day. =)
DH wanted to take the boys along with him for a business trip and instead of buying meals we packed cereal with bowls and spoons, and I made up little lunches with chips/fruit/candy/water bottles so all they have to do is stop at the grocery store and buy some lunchmeat & rolls.
We also have not turned on the heater yet this year - the mornings are becoming pretty chilly but not anything a sweatshirt can't fix! It's amazing how good it feels to know I am not splurging where I shouldn't be, and that I am being a good steward to what God has given me. But trust me, when it gets tooooo cold I'll be the first one to turn it on, I'm not that hardcore lol.
It's hard for me to provide a yummy snack for the kids (homemade) EVERY day, but the alternative of buying snacks to always have on hand can get pretty expensive. So I have decided that I will work on making something at least twice a week - and double/triple batches so that we can stretch it. I also have to watch our food like a hawk - if I buy 2 giant family packs of Dorito's for school lunches to last the whole month by carefully measuring out each person's portion, then it works. But the kids are not allowed to touch it - can you imagine? I can, it has happened before...those two bags are GONE in about 2 days!
I also LOVE the food bank, of course! It's fun to see what I get, they actually do give quite a lot of food and it is worth standing in line for half an hour. I love trying to get creative by adding rice into as many dishes as I can, as well as serving homemade bread with every dinner. It really adds up, these little decisions not to get pizza for dinner even though it IS just $10 to feed our family at Little Ceaser's! But instead I can easily throw some flour into the bread machine and put some rice on, and add a can of tomato sauce to a can of beef stew + some chicken broth to make enough for our family. Or add pasta, add veggies....I think I'm thinking more about cooking dinners because of the fall weather. =) We rarely eat meat - but I do incorporate beans into meals whenever I can, that's another thing we have a TON of but I just need to figure out an easier and tastier way to cook it. They always turn out really bland for some reason.
So my goal this month is to be really frugal wherever I can. ONLY buy the things the kids absolutely need. Like Harmony needs long sleeve shirts but she doesn't need any more pants or skirts. No matter how cute they are!
I still have my $$ I've earned on Ebay to go towards my room and the funny thing is, I am really hesitant to use it. I know exactly what I want to buy (all white sheets & duvet covers, and the most beautiful small romantic chandelier ever...), but I think the thought of not having ANY money in case I find the bomb of a deal somewhere makes me hold onto it.
Anyways, it is my mind today to really be content to be here at home, to dream about my room and look forward to the day when it'll be done but understand it is not going to be done THIS WEEK or anything. It'll be a work in progress, but the end result is going to be soooo beautiful and worth the wait! And to work in my home and not rely on comfort food that costs money (ie ice cream!) and thrift store shopping therapy. Hee hee
I've noticed that me, especially with food, it is a comfort when I feel trapped in my life and like there is nothing to look forward to in my day. When all I am facing is a really messy house, husband out of town, physically feeling tired before I even start with difficulty bending down to pick things up...all I want to do is crawl into bed and forget everything. Then I remember ooooooh there's ice cream in the freezer! And hot fudge topping I can make with my famous recipe I found online using just chocolate chips, oil, and butter. Mmmmm...it makes my whole world better.
But back to being frugal, it's kind of the same thing - if I know I can spend online or go thrift shopping then I feel like my day is a little bit brighter.
The opposite is that when I know we have absolutely NO extra money, actually minus money, then I can start feeling claustrophic and squeezed tight, like there is no "out". And on the other hand, it's the same thread that I've been thinking about throughout this whole pregnancy - if I have a goal I am working towards or if I am doing it as unto the Lord then it seems like the heaviness is lifted.
You know the past 2 weeks we've been on a spending freeze...and then we got paid yesterday. It is HUGELY good for me to put together our monthly budget BEFORE we get paid because then I can see where everything is going, and see that yikes, we literally have ZERO ZERO ZERO extra money for ANYTHING. Too many dentist appointments and lots of Macleay events coming up as well as beginning payments for the baby have sucked us just plain 'ol dry. But I am so so so thankful that we do have enough to pay for our necessities - isn't that how God works? He provides, we are never left wanting...we have enough for gas, food, bills - as long as I am faithful to dole out the allotted amount for each category then I know I am well pleasing in His sight as far as that goes.
I think often of those verses in Proverbs 31, about the godly woman. The one that has often spoken to me throughout the years is the one that says, "The heart of her husband safely trusts in her." Because I am the "nerd" in the family and love doing the budget and figuring out all the money stuff, it is on my shoulders to make sure the bills get paid and not to spend a ton of money on groceries, etc. He works hard every day to make a living for our family, and then hands the money over to me - and safely trusts it in my hands.
That puts me in fear and trembling sometimes, that I not let him down and disappoint him by making rash money decisions! It has been a safeguard for me many times especially before I click "complete order" on the internet. =)NOT that I buy online very often, mostly it is a killer sale for children's clothes and I wish so bad that we had enough money to just buy them all their clothing that they need at once instead of little by little here and there at garage sales, consignment stores, etc as I happen to find it. So I talk myself into "just a couple of outfits" or "I'll only spend $50" or something like that...and it's hard to take a step back and realize that we don't actually NEED need that, y'know?
We were in Walmart yesterday and by now my kids are used to me telling them sorry, not today...when they ask. But I splurged just one tiny little bit when Jack got SUPER excited when he saw a box of Lightning Mcqueen Halloween fruit snacks, 30 packages for $4.99. Ohhhhh it was hard to think of saying no to him! The little ones usually have just ONE fruit snack pack per day while watching a movie during naptime, so that's just 2 per day - it'll last 15 days that way. Hee hee. So I bought it and that was my splurge for the day. =)
DH wanted to take the boys along with him for a business trip and instead of buying meals we packed cereal with bowls and spoons, and I made up little lunches with chips/fruit/candy/water bottles so all they have to do is stop at the grocery store and buy some lunchmeat & rolls.
We also have not turned on the heater yet this year - the mornings are becoming pretty chilly but not anything a sweatshirt can't fix! It's amazing how good it feels to know I am not splurging where I shouldn't be, and that I am being a good steward to what God has given me. But trust me, when it gets tooooo cold I'll be the first one to turn it on, I'm not that hardcore lol.
It's hard for me to provide a yummy snack for the kids (homemade) EVERY day, but the alternative of buying snacks to always have on hand can get pretty expensive. So I have decided that I will work on making something at least twice a week - and double/triple batches so that we can stretch it. I also have to watch our food like a hawk - if I buy 2 giant family packs of Dorito's for school lunches to last the whole month by carefully measuring out each person's portion, then it works. But the kids are not allowed to touch it - can you imagine? I can, it has happened before...those two bags are GONE in about 2 days!
I also LOVE the food bank, of course! It's fun to see what I get, they actually do give quite a lot of food and it is worth standing in line for half an hour. I love trying to get creative by adding rice into as many dishes as I can, as well as serving homemade bread with every dinner. It really adds up, these little decisions not to get pizza for dinner even though it IS just $10 to feed our family at Little Ceaser's! But instead I can easily throw some flour into the bread machine and put some rice on, and add a can of tomato sauce to a can of beef stew + some chicken broth to make enough for our family. Or add pasta, add veggies....I think I'm thinking more about cooking dinners because of the fall weather. =) We rarely eat meat - but I do incorporate beans into meals whenever I can, that's another thing we have a TON of but I just need to figure out an easier and tastier way to cook it. They always turn out really bland for some reason.
So my goal this month is to be really frugal wherever I can. ONLY buy the things the kids absolutely need. Like Harmony needs long sleeve shirts but she doesn't need any more pants or skirts. No matter how cute they are!
I still have my $$ I've earned on Ebay to go towards my room and the funny thing is, I am really hesitant to use it. I know exactly what I want to buy (all white sheets & duvet covers, and the most beautiful small romantic chandelier ever...), but I think the thought of not having ANY money in case I find the bomb of a deal somewhere makes me hold onto it.
Anyways, it is my mind today to really be content to be here at home, to dream about my room and look forward to the day when it'll be done but understand it is not going to be done THIS WEEK or anything. It'll be a work in progress, but the end result is going to be soooo beautiful and worth the wait! And to work in my home and not rely on comfort food that costs money (ie ice cream!) and thrift store shopping therapy. Hee hee
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