4 Weeks, 3 days pp - definitely gaining weight

...and funny thing is, I really don't even care. I haven't weighed myself but I KNOW I'm not losing for sure - I've probably gained maybe 5 pounds this Christmas season. It's kind of nice not to care, and actually, I feel like whenever I look in the mirror it's through the fog anyway so I don't get a clear look at myself so I don't care. For now, it seems that eating yummy things is 1) fun during the holidays and 2)something I can look forward to in this endless loop of little sleep/nursing/taking care of littles. I know EXACTLY how to get it off once I do start on February 1st so I'm not worried about it. I just have to keep the depressed thoughts at bay and seriously NOT care how I look - which is great while around the house but once I start socializing, not so easy. Oh well, since I know I've been thin before and know how to get there, I'm kind of just enjoying this time and LOVING chocolate. So there! =) hee hee

Currently, my schedule:

Nighttime feedings, usually around 1am, 4am, 7am, 10am. The kids are SO sweet to take care of each other and play quietly while I sleep -- my 2year old stays in her crib dozing or playing with her older sisters in their room. I've asked them not to get her out of her crib so that she doesn't come bang on my door. Since they are all on a 10pm bedtime sort of schedule it works out ok to get her up that late, otherwise I would feel bad. =(

Get up, share the baby with all his siblings as they still clamor to take turns to hold him. He's at his most delightful in the morning for about half an hour after a good sleep and full tummy so they enjoy him alot while I get the littles diaper's changed, dressed, myself dressed.

Except today it is 2pm and I'm still not dressed. It's like hmmm...should I do x or x? Get dressed OR clean up the cereal bowls on the table before the 2 year old decides to play dump the milk into the bowls over & over? lol!

At 1pm Charlie is ready to nurse again so I do that with littles climbing all over me - then make lunch, with usually at least 3 of them clamoring to help and wanting to sit on the tiny counter while I try to lay out 7 plates. It's tricky and I'm learning that if I'm going to be in a good mood and let them help me (which I DO want to, I love to let them help, but being so tired everything is kind of on a short fuse with me, =() then I need to make sure I've eaten something good for breakfast that does NOT include dairy or flour or sugar. Hmph. Pretty much everything. LOL

By the time I'm ready to lay down with the 3 little ones, Charlie is awake again. So it's been tricky trying to figure out how to juggle the whole naptime thing --- which is partly why I'm looking forward to being on a schedule again with school and all. At 1pm Jack4 and Harmony2 are NOT ready for a nap, but Charlie is.

I think I'm rambling. At least, I am trying to wrap my head around my "schedule" as it were, and I can't really even figure it out. Ha ha! Sigh.

I put on some BMM songs yesterday and they were like balm to my spirit. I've been in such a fog, trying to basically survive, to be a million and one people to everyone in my house that needs it (Mom, wife, comforter, cleaner, friend, listener, etc you get the picture) that I forget to nourish my own spirit for strength from above. And it is amazing how much of a difference, how completely it turns my world right side up again and I see everything in the right perspective.

I am seeing so much of myself...that I am such a naturally selfish person who rebells against having to go through this time because it is hard for ME. It's good to remember that this is a beautiful life I've been given and I truly do LOVE where I am in right now!