Thank you Tereza for your SUPER good and practical comment yesterday regarding taking small steps to get back into more healthy eating habits so that when the baby comes I have a much better outlook and emotional stability AND ability to take care of eight kiddos! (Still not sure if I can do this, eight just sounds like so much more than seven, lol!)
I was really inspired to take baby steps and that helped me alot - instead of trying to tackle the ENTIRE day, eating all raw or something like that, I decided to simply juice every morning no matter what, before I eat oatmeal or go shopping or whatever it is I have planned for the day. I know this one step is going to help get my day off on the right foot, not to mention of course the health benefits.
I also am facing the issue of lots of chocolate Halloween candy up on top of the fridge from the kids. So instead of totally binging and eating tons of it, or the flip side - totally going ALL OUT and saying no chocolate or sugar of ANY kind, I am going to allow myself one yummy piece to slowly savor and enjoy during naptime. We'll see if that does the trick!
Talking to my midwife yesterday about my nutrition lately, it came to me that while it IS true that I can't really think about weight loss right now or immediately after having the baby, it IS really important for me to think about nutrition and what the baby needs to get good and FAT these next few weeks (lol!). And then since I always have so much trouble nursing, or at least with my milk supply, it is even more important to do MY best so that I give this baby the best fighting chance to nurse as long as possible.
It was a neat revelation for me, especially to really push myself in the direction of wanting to take care of him - this little baby that I have never met and have struggled SO much to accept and love despite not wanting to get/be pregnant again. I am working really hard these last few weeks to turn my heart soft towards this new arrival and rejoice in the good things that come with a baby instead of just, well, DREADING everything and just wishing the whole situation would go away! Ha! Like that's really going to happen!
I remember having a freakout moment with my first baby, when I realized that OH.MY.GOSH this baby has to come out, one way or another. I've been dreading the birth for some time now as well with this baby, but lately I am just amazed at how God is changing my heart and I am actually now, really looking forward to it! I can honestly say that I am embracing the birth and the contractions, the pain of it - not fighting it, is what I am consciously working on in my thoughts. It's working - I am excited!
Ever since I can remember, for each baby (she had 11 and since I am 2nd oldest, I got to watch them arrive one by one and love on them too..hmmm...maybe that's where I got my love for babies!) my Mom would always buy these adorable flannel prints of fabric and make baby blankets out of them. Her theory was that the receiving blankets on the market these days are wayyyy too small! And it's true, it's hard to actually properly swaddle an infant when you just don't have much material to work with - especially the way they can kick!
She would buy one full yard of each print, and that's how big the blanket would be. Not lined or double backed or anything, just a simple seam to keep it from fraying. My sister has a sewing machine and just made a bunch for her baby when she had her in June...so I asked her if she would make some for me if I bought the fabric? YES, she would love to, she said!
So yesterday after dropping off Rachel12 and her friend at the movie theater DH was so gracious to watch the kids so I could do some shopping. Oh yes, heavy, heavy tummy....it's hard to shop these days! But it was relaxing for my mind even if it wasn't for my poor shuffling legs that were trying to hold up this almost-full-term baby body.
Anyways, I took a peek at the fabrics available - on sale from $6.99/yard to $2.99/yard through the 12th! SO happy for that! If I buy 8 blankets, or 8 yards, that comes out to $24 for 8 blankets - plus there is a 10% off coupon I can use on Saturday so, yay! Pretty good for something I will use for years to come. Jack & Harmony both still have their blankets and love them, they will not go to sleep unless they have at least one with them.
The soft and sweet little prints just made me tear up - it's finally dawning on me, that I am getting an adorable little baby out of all of this suffering! The good memories and precious times came flooding back and it was just overwhelming - I can tell that this baby is going to be really emotional for me. I've gone through so much this pregnancy...I remember going to Arizona with Bret in April when I was so, so sick...and just standing there waiting for the taxi to come after our trip, and could not stop the tears. WHY?!! Why was I pregnant again? I don't.want.to.feel.like.this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No no no no no.........!!!
So thankful for the work God has done in my heart, and honestly, even though I still get twinges of annoyance and frustration that I am pregnant..AGAIN...I am thankful for this that He has brought my way. So, SO thankful for the tears of anguish I have had to cry, so thankful for the NEED that I have been in this entire pregnancy --- because without being in need, where am I? Most likely happy with my life and not needing Him for much.
Thank you for staying with me through this journey, it is almost over!! I can't believe it...and I just know that some day, even a year from now, I will skim through this pregnancy blog and just shake my head in wonder of how God so perfectly orchestrated this whole thing.
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