...overwhelms me sometimes. I find myself not wanting the kids to do ANY creative play because it just creates even more work for me. And my energy is like, zero. Like Rachel had a grand idea to take the big tarp out into the front yard and squirt soap all over it and then slide on it with the hose. Big slip n slide, super fun, right?
Except that, all the little kids want to do it too, and then they're covered in soap and wanting to walk through the house (I knew there was a reason why I didn't wash the kitchen floor today!) and a few of them didn't want to/think to change their clothes first so now I have soapy, wet clothes in various places.
And of course, the many towels that they all pull out because they're "cold" even though it's like 80 degrees outside.
It's my fault that I'm feeling so heavy and tired and overwhelmed today. I haven't been eating well and that is my fault, 100%. Ever since getting home we haven't had much fresh food in the house and we get paid on Monday so - I am kind of waiting to restock until then, but it's kind of dumb because in the meantime I'm eating Cheeto's and Subway sandwiches and ice cream smothered in peanut butter and fudge! And cheese. No wonder I feel so awful.
But it's weird, it seems like as SOON as I stop eating fresh fruits & veggies and all that jazz, it not only sapps my body of energy and makes me feel, with every step, really heavy - but it drains my spirit as well. I feel deflated and overwhelmed and look at my body and HATE.IT. that I am pregnant. Like I do not want this. Not now. Not ever.
Really weird thoughts like that - or maybe they're normal, I don't know....
But in the midst of it all, I am seeking God and learning not to live by my feelings. To stop looking down and to look UP and see the work that He is doing in my heart and rejoicing in that!
Sherah....its normal. Some days are hard. Life just isn't perfectly calculated and planned...I dont know how some people pull that off but I'm sure there are times that they too feel like u do. I know I do..often and then I peel myslef off the floor and keep going. Keep praying, keep looking up! Another thing is try to eat less junk and when u dont have fresh food at home to choose the best of what u do have...that too will enpower you and you'll feel a little less out of control.
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