Introducing Charles (Charlie) Hudson Taylor! Born Nov 28, 2011

I think that...the feeling of having just given birth and lying there with your brand new baby on your chest, is one of the best in the world. Can you believe, I actually looked up at DH and told him that I could totally do this again?!!! It is such a sweet thing to finally see the little one you've been nurturing inside for almost a year, you know? But to be able to say that was truly wonderous for me, since I have struggled with the fact that I was pregnant again and having another baby when it wasn't in "our" plan. A victory I think!

We did not have this baby in the car or at home, thankfully! Contractions started around 5pm to be regular on Sunday the 27th, although to be honest, they had stopped and started "regularly" soooo many times before that, I can't even count! So I definitely did not think anything different was going on.

Bret needed to be at a fundraiser meeting for church at 6pm and then went grocery shopping for me after, but he had me text him with a "c" every time I had a contraction so he could time them. I thought that was so sweet of him, being so involved...I think partly though he is aware of my nonchalant attitude when it comes to these things and I don't realize it IS the real thing until it's too late.

By 3am I had lost part of my mucus plug and we had both packed our bags - I could tell they were more "pinched" than normal and knew this was different. Off to the birthing center, and Elmina came to be there with the kids for the night -- thanks, Mina!!

With Jack, my first ever natural birth, I somehow thought being almost all raw + having him in the water would make it rather pain-free and easy. Um...yeah. No. His birth was hard because I had high expectations that were not met, it was a very painful time that seemed to be endless and I dreaded that with my next baby EVEN THOUGH I loved the aftereffect of a natural birth so I was determined to have a water birth anyway.

As we know, Harmony was born very fast and without issue, on the freeway -- and it was in fact my very best birth ever. Painful, yes, but VERY short so I knew that Charlie's birth could potentially be the same!!

This time I worked in my mind concentrating on two things: Relaxing every part of my body completely during the contractions and focusing on a place in my mind to go to so I wouldn't be thinking about the pain or most of all, HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO LAST sort of thing.

It worked AMAZINGLY well up until transition, for which I was very thankful! In my room, I have this antique dresser with a matching mirror that I sanded down and painted white, then distressed it and added crystal knobs. It is beautiful, and I have a few silver things on it with an electronic candle and a pretty diaper holder. The back wall of the milky white board & batten + the soft blue/gray wall color just make for a serene atmosphere and that is the picture I focused on. I'll have to take a picture and put it on here to remember it by. I kept thinking about my beautiful, beautiful room that is waiting for me and my baby - and it was really a neat way to relax. All my other babies I have had a really UGLY room to go home to, bleh, lots of hours and days and nights spent in there postpartum. Kind of depressing, lol!

I got in the tub and that felt so good and relaxing...it is hard for your body to stay tense while in the water, so I was enjoying that for a while. The room was dark, candles lit, just DH and I.

I also worked on making a low "mooooo" sound deep in my throat, which vibrates to the cervix and opens it up, as well as picturing a flower opening as my cervix. I felt kind of weird doing that ridiculous, primal noise with DH in the room (we asked the midwives to stay out as much as possible until transition; I am a totally private person and knew more people in here would tense me up) so I went in the bathroom. I felt good to sit on the toilet anyway, kind of something my body is already used to (obviously ha ha) and the noises were more camouflaged that I was making.

As I was sitting there alone with my thoughts, knowing the birth was near and trying to stay calm and in rest instead of fearing what was to come, it came to me: God is never closer than when a baby is born -- He is there to breath the first breath of life into that child. He is here now, ready, to do this with my baby! I pictured Him there with me in the bathroom, an invisible but strong presence and it gave me such peace. Especially knowing that this child came straight from Him, it was not planned by us in any way, but planned by HIM. So I knew He would also be there with me to help bring Charlie into this world.

After a while I decided to try the shower, really hot and that felt wonderful, but after about 5 minutes the contractions were too painful just to stand there. I had to hit the floor and rock back and forth during each one, so as soon as one was over, I grabbed my towel and got back into the tub.

That's when it started in earnest - that was the hardest part. The frustrating thing is that you hear stories about people who push for an hour, or are dilated to 9-10 for a long time...blah. You can't have that in mind or it'll drive you INSANE...so I focused on Harmony's birth and how my body naturally just delivered her EASILY and quickly. I felt this POP and that hurt, yikes! It must've been the water breaking cuz it kind of hurled the poor guy right down the tunnel.

Three hard contractions/pushes and I felt his head -- TOTAL deja vu with Harmony, I remember feeling her head and being shocked; she wasn't supposed to come out yet! So it was awesome knowing he was almost here - I pushed him out and DH caught him in the water...it was neat birthing him completely on my own with DH's help at the end (and he was being awesome during too, rubbing my back, etc). The midwife helped me calm down a bit at the end when I was practically hysterical saying I can't do this, that is highly needful too!! The cord was wrapped around his neck once which she quickly unwound, and then he was here! Just 2 hours after arriving at the birthing center.

Such a feeling of relief and JOY to meet him!! He just kind of sat there, not breathing or doing ANYTHING. Bret and I were concerned but the midwife wasn't, she just kind of rubbed him and turns out, he did exactly what Harmony did. Just really mellow by nature so there was no need to cry - just kind of a general realization that the surroundings were new and opened his eyes to see us right away. Little squawk was all the noise he made to clear his throat and then it was like he was in wonder over this strange, new world.

We love the name Charlie, but I didn't want to saddle a grown man with that name just in case. My uncle's parents named him "Ricky" and he went by Rick in his later adult years. BUT he went into the army, and they are required to call everyone by their birth name. Thus, he was called Ricky...not such a good name to have in the service! So just in case this baby wants the name "Charles" - very doctor sounding in my opinion, we're putting that on his birth certificate but for all intents and purposes, his name will be Charlie to everyone.

Charles Hudson Taylor (Charlie)
November 28, 2011 6:03am
7lb 15oz
21" long

Welcome to our family, sweet little Charlie! You are going to experience love that only an 8th child can attest to. =) =) I can't wait to introduce you to your 7 brothers and sisters!!

Week 40, Day 2 - Feeling restless

The baby can OFFICIALLY come now since I am always at least 2 days late and chances are if I go into labor now at 6pm it most likely will be born after midnight (or not, maybe faster, lol), thus fulfilling the requirements of being one of MY babies and at least 2 days late!

I just got the baby bed and swing today from my sister and they are all set up and ready to go. Hmmm. I feel like I'm just twiddling my thumbs, there's nothing to do, lol! DH has been/will be home for 4 days in a row due to the holiday, so he's doing pretty much everything except for the meals. Bags are packed, my room is finished (I need to take pictures!) and everything is ready.

I am still feeling enough movement to make me satisfied that all is ok with the baby - although it has slowed down quite a bit. I feel GREAT for the most part, sometimes I feel like I'm a bit swollen but all my clothes fit me the same.

Anyway, not much to say - last night DH and I enjoyed a movie and a glass of wine. Oh, and chocolate. Of course, chocolate!

I was woken in the night with a few hard enough contractions to wake me, but that's all. It's going to be interesting to look back and see when it actually did happen for real. I'm starting to get to the point, after having been on high alert for almost a week now, that I was with Harmony - kind of like this resignation that it's never going to happen. =)

Week 40, Day 1 - and so we continue on...

Here we are, Black Friday! And I have officially reached my due date. It feels great, it feels like from here on out, because I am ALWAYS late, I can officially know that it could be "any time."

Weigh-in this morning was 158 which in retrospect, I can hardly believe...that still seems like such a low number to me! For full term pregnancy, I mean - I think once you lose a good amount of weight, sometimes that number still shocks you. Having gone through 5 pregnancies of mostly seeing the 190 number at the end of the pregnancy and having to work SUPER HARD for like 6 months to even SEE the 140-150's, it is very strange to be AT the 150's full term. And yet, here I am!

All my hard work has paid off, I suppose - I haven't eaten nearly as well with this pregnancy as I did the last 2, but I was more conscious of not overeating/lower calories (although not restricting or fasting) and I also did not eat meat hardly at all. So evidently, that worked! Probably also my craving oatmeal often in the past month has worked to my favor there too.

Total weight gain is 31 pounds.

We had a bit of excitement on Monday night - I was at our church and felt little squirts of liquid...hmmm...it was enough to soak my underwear but not volumes and loads of it. Knowing how quickly labor can kick in once your water breaks and with MY history of having my last baby on the freeway...we quickly gathered up the kids, raced home to pack, and RAN to the birthing center. My water has never broken before being in transition before so I had no idea what to expect or if that was even what had happened!

And in all fairness, contractions (though quite mild, normal braxton hicks-type) were coming steadily at 2-3 minutes apart for an hour.

Yet, everything stopped - we spent the night (blah - that's been my worry that we'd do THAT again and come home with no baby!) and in the morning, packed up and went home. It's obviously better to be safe than sorry, and we are SUPER thankful for Elmina, Lucy, and Rachel who all kicked in and were huge helps when we needed them.

I feel completely confident that I can birth the baby alone if I need to, and honestly if DH had rest & peace about it, I would 100% give birth in my own bedroom. I LOVE my room and it is like an oasis to me now, so so so beautiful and dreamy blue/white, serene and CLEAN. =)

It was determined that most likely it was just the outer sac of amniotic fluid that leaked a bit, and ever since then there has been no more leaking. My midwife thinks the baby's head is probably firmly corking the leak.

Right away we started getting concerned family members advising us to get induced due to infection worries - and not having ever had this happen to me before, I have been trying not to give in to fear about what could happen. After talking to my midwife at length I am okay with waiting - and also giving this baby to God and knowing that HE has been in control from the very beginning. It still doesn't help though to hear about babies dying from infection after the water breaks, and every time my baby moves I rejoice. Weird feeling, all around.

I have not been checked for cirvical dilation at all - I HATE that, and don't feel it's necessary unless it's well, necessary. I don't care to know if I'm dilated or not - what difference does it make? I could be dilated to 4 and walk around for weeks, so to me it just makes me anxious that not enough is happening. Also, the risk of infection goes up each time I am checked so that works in my favor too.

You know what's weird though? I was so relieved when I came home, to just get in my bed and SLEEP. To watch my favorite tv show. To have normal life again. I know when the baby comes I'll be glad and ready, but it's such a huge change...everything gets turned upside down and we just thrive on normal schedules in our home. I think that feeling of being out of control of my home is frustrating for me for the long first 2 months. To delay the birth just a few days was kind of nice.

DH has been so sweet and helpful, he has taken over so much already and lets me rest when I need to, puts the kids to bed and prays with them, supervises the kitchen cleanup after dinner. I feel really cared for. =)

Week 38, Day 6 - False Labor? BRING IT ON!

I've had one "scare" so far during the night, of course it was at our hotel while we were away on our overnight date! I had HARD contractions, to the point where I couldn't even move, ouch. For 3 hours! From midnight-3am, of course. I honestly had thoughts, visions, of having this baby in the hotel room, ha! First the car, then a hotel room...gosh I'm like about to break records here!

It was scary,though. It's always scary to think that "this could be IT" and to know the pain was very, VERY mild compared to the upcoming pain. I was shaking.

But it was a really good experience for me. Kind of jolted me into reality and made me start prepping myself much more for the ordeal to come, and to know that I can totally do this. I'm looking forward to it! Looking forward to feeling so near to God in my utter helplessness and of course the end result, my baby boy!

I've been having lots & lots of tight, hard contractions where I have to pause what I'm doing, or literally can't bend over for a minute. It's awesome BECAUSE one thing I have learned after having so many babies is that the more this type of thing goes on, the more my body is dilating and effacing and doing what it's supposed to, which hopefully (and with Harmony's case, totally DID) makes the actual labor shorter since part of it is already done!

9 more days until my due date, and time is zipping by. I have been diligently, for the past 3-4 weeks, working on getting all the Christmas presents purchased and I think I'm about 90% done with it all! Yay! Online shopping has been my best friend; every day, about every hour actually, I check all my fave sites that list killer deals and have gotten some really nice things. Things that sell out within half an hour, even! Fun!

Week 38, Day 5 - Christmas Party/Date night pics as promised!

I'm glad we got these photos, although I think they're a tad bit nerdy. LOL! They basically put us in the spotlight and said okay, do this! Do that! And we were like, uh...okay..?

The pictures were taken quickly with 4sec intervals. I guess we should've planned it better, but oh well. I should have put my hand around my tummy too - that would've been cute! And my arms around his neck when we kissed??? Duh! LOL but I think it's kind of a fun memory so whatever. =) Plus, it was complimentary so...love that!

I like the one where he's kissing my tummy best...especially when you crop out my ARM (ugh, HATE weight gain) and blow it up - love it!! (click on each one to make the pics bigger)

Which one do you like?

Week 38 (!!!), Day 2 - off we go on our big date overnight!

I am all packed, have a purty little black dress (I'm choosing to call it that, I don't look so, um, little right now though!) and my hair just so. I'm even wearing my full blown wedding ring trio! Fun fun fun, I love going out on the town with DH - we have many many good memories together of doing this. Aaaaah to go back a year ago and be young and skinny again! =)

I took a peek at the little black dress I wore LAST year to the Contractor's Association christmas party, which I have gone to every single year for the past 10 years with DH. They always put together a really posh night - tonight it is at a Hilton hotel, and we are also staying the night in the big city afterwards so that is going to be FAB! It's a total black tie affair though, and last year's dress?

Holy smoly oly!! It is THE tiniest thing I have ever seen - I bet you'd fit into it just fine, Tereza! =) It must be like a size 2, or maybe 0 - and I remember it felt so fun to wear it and then tell people that I had 7 kids. Hee hee! I worked hard for that size though, so it's not like I naturally just drop the weight - you guys know how it is!

But I have to say it's really interesting getting ready for something like this where everyone is wearing their prom night (okay almost, not QUITE that fancy) best...and be just about to give birth to my 8th child! Talk about not feeling it....I feel lumpy and weird and when I turn sideways of course, feel like something that resembles a whale. But then I thought you know what? Who cares - I am going to ROCK it tonight and pretend like I feel FABULOUS and just BE the Momma who is majorly pregnant but hasn't lost her sense of style. Y'know? I think half of how you come across on the outside is how you feel about yourself INSIDE, and that really carries to the outward as well.

All the kids are farmed out to different homes tonight; DH is gone bringing the last of them, Jack & Harmony, over to my MIL's. My oldest is at youth conference - otherwise we would have had her babysit with the help of someone older to spend the night.

It'll be a short time away, pretty much exactly 24 hours, but so nice....we're also kind of slapping on the label of celebrating our 14th anniversary (on the 15th) and my 35th birthday (on the 17th) as well as using it as an excuse to get away just one last little itty bitty time before the BIG EVENT. The baby big event.

At which point I know we won't really be going anywhere with any kind of a relaxing time for at least 2 months, probably closer to 3. I have memories with several of the babies I've had where at about 6 weeks, I am feeling SO much better and am starting to slim down, starting to readjust my thinking and abilities to having that next # of child, and then I just want to have some time with DH! Go on a date! Eat Mexican food!

And then ..... inevitably.... the baby wakes up RIGHT as we sit down in that fine, quiet Italian restaurant. So we go to the louder, Mexican restaurant, only to have the baby cry like NONSTOP for 5 minutes until our food arrives and in desperation and tears I just tell DH I'll be in the car trying to calm he or she down (feeling sorry for the rest of the restaurant patrons!).

DH ends up eating the meal by himself and getting mine to go, and comes back to the truck 15 minutes later to a frustrated wife and crying baby. Aaargh!

And yet, life goes on, doesn't it? It gets better, things calm down a bit, it just takes a.lot.of.patience. Lots & lots. Lots of waiting.

Kinda like right now, eh?

So my thoughts tonight are to really live in the moment. To enjoy this little guy moving around inside my whale of a tummy and think about meeting him, about all the good and wonderful and precious things that come with having a baby. The little moments to breath in his scent and kiss his downy head, to sleep next to him and feel his little body moving up & down as he breathes, content to sleep by Mommy.

Time has flown by already --- it's so strange, several of my friends are pregnant and due in the summer (RA, Maryann, Marit...soooo happy for all of them!!!) and it's so strange to me that I am now on the other end of the spectrum. Almost about to be done with pregnancy.

This is my encouragement that the next 2 months will go by quickly, because the last 10 months sure have!

LOTS to do b4 baby comes! Feeling the urgency now...

I'm starting to feel the crunch of time with getting things done before the baby comes...my room is coming together SO nicely but it's still turned upside down a bit due to trying to get dresser drawers painted, etc. I have this gorgeous room with white board & batten on the bottom half and blue on the top half/lighter blue on the ceiling, sheer curtains, King size all-white goose down bedding (still need to get some decorative bed pillows), newly painted black & silver bathroom vanity, a big sunburst Pier1 STUNNING mirror above my bed (total Craigslist SCORE - it still has the $150 price tag on the back and I paid $35!!).

But my dressers and nightstands are still an ugly brown and the drawers go in crooked and the finish is coming off. They are also piled high with lots of remodeling stuff...paint, brushes, drill bits, etc. So just as soon as I can finish up painting my beautiful $40 Craigslist antique dresser w/matching mirror (that will be my changing table, it's so lovely, with HUGE, deep drawers to boot!) then I can empty out my ugly dresser and get that OUT of my room.

I am also going to purchase a chandelier for my bedroom, it'll be the crowning glory and soooooo gorgeous with the blue & white color scheme, so peaceful and serene! This is the one I have bookmarked to buy as soon as I can sell some things on Craigslist to get the money for. They UPPED the price recently though, bleh, I hate it when that happens! Hopefully DH can put it in for me when it comes - I'm planning to get a dimmer switch for that light which will be create such a lovely mood lighting.

I need to get some things for the baby still like the blankets, bed, swing, and belly band from my sister -- wash the carseat, buy 1 more nursing bra, a changing pad to go on top of the dresser, maxi pads (oh yes, looking forward to THAT again after not having had a period for almost a year!). Lots to do, and my body is shutting down on me - things are becoming very awkward to do, like putting on my socks! Nearly impossible. Picking up the house - I have to sit down and clean everything around me and then scoot to the next half of the room, lol.

I also have pretty much, um, no idea what we're going to do with the kids when I'm at the birthing center for 2 days. Rachel is old enough to babysit during the day only but...there's school and she never wants to miss a day. It's hard to know what to plan since we don't know if it'll be on the weekend, or weekday, or what...and I usually stay 2 nights there. Bret will be taking a week off from work, SO nice to have that planned!! He likes to stay at the birthing center with me, it's like our own special retreat getaway...plus, part of the price we pay covers all of BOTH of our meals while we're there, takeout to any restaurant in the area including steak, salmon, etc. Can't beat that!

Week 37, Day 5 - Pregnancy Update - weigh-in too.

This morning I weighed in at 155, 1 pound less than last time! That was heartening for me to see - not that I'm *trying* to lose weight, but you always wonder at this stage where the baby supposedly gains 2lbs per week, if the scale is going to be majorly up when you step on it! So in 12 days (can't BELIEVE it's been that long already since I last weighed, in my pre-pregnancy days that would be UNHEARD of to go that long!! Jen you can probably relate lol), I have lost a pound. Total weight gain so far this pregnancy: 28 pounds. I think that is fantastic!!

I have eaten worse this pregnancy than with the last 2 babies - I am SHOCKED that I have still been able to maintain such a great weight gain. Maybe it's partly because I ran for the first 6 months of being pregnant?

I think a good part of it, though, is the simple fact that I remain a pretty hardcore vegetarian - and most of the time, vegan. For me, for my body, it must be the key to regulating weight loss...and when I kick it into gear by adding low calories + exercise, it melts off unbelievably fast. This is a huge comfort to me because then I don't have to stress about being able to lose the weight after the baby. I can take my time and enjoy the first 2 months, then know that once I put my hand to the plow I'll see results fairly quickly. In other words, I won't be "stuck".

Part of losing a pound is, I think, in thanks to your email Tereza smacking me back into reality (hee hee) and making me realize that I needed to get back on track and eat well IN MODERATION so that I'll be able to take care of my baby & 7 other kiddos 12 & under. I always try to go so hard core with many happy plans and dreams for the next few weeks, and then it's just too much and I divebomb BIGTIME.

For some reason I am totally ENAMORED with oatmeal lately - I've been eating basically 3 square meals a day (well, maybe not so "square" when you consider that I don't eat any pure animal protein, but you know what I mean!) and two, yes TWO of those meals are oatmeal!! I guess this baby is going to like oatmeal!

This was also my standard yummy breakfast when I was working hard on weightloss -- but I am actually eating DOUBLE of what I ate back then. I suppose it's good that I'm craving oatmeal though, instead of a multitude of other things I could be eating. For lunch these days I almost always have a black bean chipotle burger with all the fixings - just like you would put on a hamburger only the bread is 2 slices of whole wheat.

And I've been enjoying a small handful of chocolate chips during naptime while I browse pinterest or read blogs or watch a show - it's nice to not have to stuff my face with chocolate but to still enjoy some AND see the scale go down. Yay!

So happy with my eating today!

Focusing on nutrition and trying to be in the best condition for the growing baby, birth, and postpartum has really put things in persective for me. While today was not perfect by any means, I seem to have curbed the monster of must.eat.junk.now.because.I.can - yay! I was all vegan except for the cheese & thin slice of deli ham but I'm okay with that. My goal for today was to only have a small amount of chocolate and to juice - and the other things just naturally fell into place.

2 cups of yummy warm oatmeal in water, honey, raisins, cinnamon.

Juiced: 2 carrots, 2 stalks celery, 2 apples

2 pieces ww bread with one slice of honey ham, lettuce, tomato, ketchup, mustard, onion, and a slice of cheese.

2.5 pieces of the snack-size chocolate. This was a major victory for me and I loved knowing that it was ok to eat some, just not eat *all*.

1 cup of lentil sloppy joes with 1.5 homemade ww rolls.

I feel satisfied and happy right now, and am confident that I won't eat anything else I shouldn't - I am on the right track for today, anyway! If I am hungry later I plan to eat some crisp apples; they're in season now and so good, from local farms around here.

Week 36, Day 6 - I did it!!! I juiced this morning! And pregnancy thoughts...

Thank you Tereza for your SUPER good and practical comment yesterday regarding taking small steps to get back into more healthy eating habits so that when the baby comes I have a much better outlook and emotional stability AND ability to take care of eight kiddos! (Still not sure if I can do this, eight just sounds like so much more than seven, lol!)

I was really inspired to take baby steps and that helped me alot - instead of trying to tackle the ENTIRE day, eating all raw or something like that, I decided to simply juice every morning no matter what, before I eat oatmeal or go shopping or whatever it is I have planned for the day. I know this one step is going to help get my day off on the right foot, not to mention of course the health benefits.

I also am facing the issue of lots of chocolate Halloween candy up on top of the fridge from the kids. So instead of totally binging and eating tons of it, or the flip side - totally going ALL OUT and saying no chocolate or sugar of ANY kind, I am going to allow myself one yummy piece to slowly savor and enjoy during naptime. We'll see if that does the trick!

Talking to my midwife yesterday about my nutrition lately, it came to me that while it IS true that I can't really think about weight loss right now or immediately after having the baby, it IS really important for me to think about nutrition and what the baby needs to get good and FAT these next few weeks (lol!). And then since I always have so much trouble nursing, or at least with my milk supply, it is even more important to do MY best so that I give this baby the best fighting chance to nurse as long as possible.

It was a neat revelation for me, especially to really push myself in the direction of wanting to take care of him - this little baby that I have never met and have struggled SO much to accept and love despite not wanting to get/be pregnant again. I am working really hard these last few weeks to turn my heart soft towards this new arrival and rejoice in the good things that come with a baby instead of just, well, DREADING everything and just wishing the whole situation would go away! Ha! Like that's really going to happen!

I remember having a freakout moment with my first baby, when I realized that OH.MY.GOSH this baby has to come out, one way or another. I've been dreading the birth for some time now as well with this baby, but lately I am just amazed at how God is changing my heart and I am actually now, really looking forward to it! I can honestly say that I am embracing the birth and the contractions, the pain of it - not fighting it, is what I am consciously working on in my thoughts. It's working - I am excited!

Ever since I can remember, for each baby (she had 11 and since I am 2nd oldest, I got to watch them arrive one by one and love on them too..hmmm...maybe that's where I got my love for babies!) my Mom would always buy these adorable flannel prints of fabric and make baby blankets out of them. Her theory was that the receiving blankets on the market these days are wayyyy too small! And it's true, it's hard to actually properly swaddle an infant when you just don't have much material to work with - especially the way they can kick!

She would buy one full yard of each print, and that's how big the blanket would be. Not lined or double backed or anything, just a simple seam to keep it from fraying. My sister has a sewing machine and just made a bunch for her baby when she had her in June...so I asked her if she would make some for me if I bought the fabric? YES, she would love to, she said!

So yesterday after dropping off Rachel12 and her friend at the movie theater DH was so gracious to watch the kids so I could do some shopping. Oh yes, heavy, heavy tummy....it's hard to shop these days! But it was relaxing for my mind even if it wasn't for my poor shuffling legs that were trying to hold up this almost-full-term baby body.

Anyways, I took a peek at the fabrics available - on sale from $6.99/yard to $2.99/yard through the 12th! SO happy for that! If I buy 8 blankets, or 8 yards, that comes out to $24 for 8 blankets - plus there is a 10% off coupon I can use on Saturday so, yay! Pretty good for something I will use for years to come. Jack & Harmony both still have their blankets and love them, they will not go to sleep unless they have at least one with them.

The soft and sweet little prints just made me tear up - it's finally dawning on me, that I am getting an adorable little baby out of all of this suffering! The good memories and precious times came flooding back and it was just overwhelming - I can tell that this baby is going to be really emotional for me. I've gone through so much this pregnancy...I remember going to Arizona with Bret in April when I was so, so sick...and just standing there waiting for the taxi to come after our trip, and could not stop the tears. WHY?!! Why was I pregnant again? I don't.want.to.feel.like.this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No no no no no.........!!!

So thankful for the work God has done in my heart, and honestly, even though I still get twinges of annoyance and frustration that I am pregnant..AGAIN...I am thankful for this that He has brought my way. So, SO thankful for the tears of anguish I have had to cry, so thankful for the NEED that I have been in this entire pregnancy --- because without being in need, where am I? Most likely happy with my life and not needing Him for much.

Thank you for staying with me through this journey, it is almost over!! I can't believe it...and I just know that some day, even a year from now, I will skim through this pregnancy blog and just shake my head in wonder of how God so perfectly orchestrated this whole thing.

Week 36, Day 5 - I think my hernia is gone??

At least, it hasn't bothered me in about 5 days or so. SO nice!!!

So now can I go running again? Ha ha --- I honestly can't IMAGINE how anyone can go running at 36 weeks, let alone the DAY they give birth! It's not the being in physical shape that makes me wonder - it's the fact that the baby's head is so far down that even just walking around the house, is uncomfortable for me. It feels like something is scraping against my bone every time I walk - especially the later it gets in the day and the more tired I get. Kind of like when the baby is kicking your ribs, only in a different place.

Hmmm.

I'm having a hard time slacking in the eating department for the past, oh, 3 weeks? It's getting harder for me to be motivated because I'm so close! I keep telling myself that I know how to lose weight so it's not that big of a deal if I gain some. I honestly have like, no care at all, what I look like right now - I guess that's a good thing.

Except that in 10 days I'm going to a big posh Christmas party with DH for work where I have to wear a little black dress. I am tempted to work super hard to eat REALLY healthy for the next 10 days just for that - like juicing in the morning, and eating only whole foods....I actually had decided to do that several times already. I don't want to have that bloated, half-dead/haggard look of someone who eats tons of sugar and lots of bad food and is almost ready to give birth. I want to be VIBRANT and I want it to SHOW that I eat really well!

Alas, then I get chocolate cravings and do something stupid like go to the store just to get 8 Reese's peanut butter cups AND and Almond Joy, and proceed to eat ALL OF IT within a 20 minute period.

We get paid on Friday, and what I would really love to do is buy a big bag of spinach and start drinking a 72oz green smoothie + juicing every day. Then also add in my oatmeal-cinnamon-blueberries-honey-raisins for one of my meals, as well as a whole, plant based preferrably low-fat dinner. Wouldn't that be awesome? Just sail through these next few weeks before the baby comes and really prepare my body and strengthen it with fantastic nutrition?

It's just hard to be motivated, rrrr. Problem is, once the baby DOES come? It's not like I'm going to "feel" automatically like just up & eating super healthy. Emotions are going to be even more crazy, and emotional eating is totally my M.O. Plus, I've given myself (in my head) until February 1st (approx 2 months postpartum) to start really working out and busting out the fat loss - which means, that it'd be super easy just to eat and eat and eat right on through the holidays.

In the past, with the last baby that I ever gained 50lbs with - I LOST 20 pounds naturally after having the baby and then proceeded to GAIN 10 pounds back from eating brownies every day for like a month, out of emotional eating postpartum.

That makes me shake in my boots! I am not by any means immune to this happening again, just because I've managed to not gain so much weight with the last 2 babies.

So anyway, dunno where this is going to go - but I guess I'm going to mostly just try to make much better choices and MAYBE even juice today anyway, despite the fact that my breakfast consisted of 1/2 pancake with syrup, 2 bowls of cereal w/milk, and like 8 cookies.

Hmph.