Week 25, Day 1 - I LOVE the freedom!!! (and weigh-in)

Ladies, I can't even tell you how much I am enjoying just ... LIVING these days. I have struggled through alot of issues with eating and exercising - MOSTLY the stupid demands and goals that I impress upon myself and then stress out SO MUCH when it doesn't go according to plan. Especially with eating. It's like this big giant tug of war and I wake up dreading the day or dreading the restrictions I have put upon myself.

I am enjoying freedom from these things immensely! Letting go of the ideal pregnancy image I had in my head has been such a relief. I am content to leave the hard exercise and hard dieting to after the baby when everything has settled down, giving myself a good 2 months to do so. It feels SO wonderful!

Of course, knowing the way I think which is like a heat-sink-missile my Mother told me when I was younger, I *do* need *something* to latch on to and be interested in to give my day meaning. It has nothing to do with spirituality, that is a whole 'nother aspect of my life that I don't really get into much on here, since this is primarly about my raw vegan pregnancy (the physical part). It's more like something that keeps me going throughout the day in regards to looking forward to something ELSE besides just always doing the same thing every single day - dishes, wiping bums, laundry, sweeping/vacuuming/mopping, cleaning...making it fun for the kids.

So I wrote about my bedroom, you know? It's been really amazing for me to see how dedicated I am to this project and how it has COMPLETELY given me a whole new outlook on what makes me tick. It is not just food, yay! =) =) Basically I have been working so hard on the bedroom every spare minute I get, that food has become almost a side issue, a nuisance really. Yet I am HAPPY to eat raw, and have been eating raw just about every day because it doesn't really matter to me. I'm not eagerly waiting until they go to bed so I can have xxx that is NOT good for me but whatever, it's been a stressful day. You know? My mind is fully occupied and swirling with thoughts on decor and colors and what to do with this wall, searching blogs and LOTS of research that I grab my watermelon or chocolate shake and sit at the computer and nourish my body while my mind is busy busy.

Pretty cool.

As a result, what do you know???? This morning I weighed in at 144!!! That means I have basically MAINTAINED my weight for six weeks! Or at least, I weighed 142 6 weeks ago and 144 is just about the same family (lol) so to me, fluctuating 2 lbs is pretty much maintaining. I am just FLOORED by this *because* I have not been 100% good, really I haven't. A few days ago I had watermelon for breakfast, and then for lunch just decided out of the blue to have two sandwiches (yes, 4 pieces of whole wheat bread!) of bologna, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, and cheese. Then I followed that with a mug full of vanilla ice cream and added in peanut butter and chocolate chips! After that I went back to raw and ate mostly raw for the next 36 hours - but still, it is interesting to me that I did not eat *perfectly* (as I was really impressing on myself, and getting discouraged when I wouldn't) and yet here I am, still with just a 17 pound weight gain at 6 months.

But one thing that I noticed that has really kept me on track is that I am extremely focused on my bedroom (currently in the painting/putting up board & batten) and as I stand in front of the fridge, quite often I tell myself no to certain foods because I know in about an hour I will feel AWFUL. Most cooked food just does that to me (except for plant based, I do pretty well on that) and I will have no energy to do both my project AND take care of the house/kids. I will have no tolerance for their mistakes OR mine, and will have a totally fuzzy brain instead of the clear, sharp thinking I normally enjoy while eating plant based/raw. Realizing that has been such a big help!

It was really REALLY lovely to wait so long to weigh - basically I think it turned out to be almost 3 weeks. Crazy! But so freeing...!

Tomorrow we leave for our church's retreat center for 14 days. It should be interesting - cuz right after we get home (we're leaving the center earlier than everyone else) DH starts his Hood to Coast run and right after THAT, we're heading to the big city for 2 nights to have a foot-loose and fancy-free alone time. Yippeee! I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm wondering if knowing I feel awful on most cooked food, will help me to continue to eat well while at camp. It honestly is a highly stressful time for me, it is NOT a vacation really, with the lack of sleep and pretty much 24-7 demands from the children to have a fun time. It's not as bad as that last sentence sounds, lol, I just mean that from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night, they are asking me to take them to the pool, or they are hungry, or someone forgot something SUPER important in the dorm so I have to go get it, or trying to shush them during the meetings, or swinging them on the swings, or trying to bathe the little ones in the showers (interesting, that!). I don't have a place to lie down to re-energize except for my bed in the dorm, and unless it's naptime, they are climbing all over me OR I don't know where they are and that's not a good thing on that huge property with a pool!

So knowing all this, I am hoping that will encourage me to eat well, to eat what I enjoy, and not scarf down bad food just because I am stressed out and can't wait to get home (Jen? RA? Tereza? Anyone relate to this? LOL) just so I can have some downtime!

I guess that's it for now - oh! Exercise! I have to say that while I do still enjoy a walk once in a while (but it HAS been about 8 days since I did that, I am SO focused on my room), I have bidden exercise "goodbye" for now. Not being able to run was a bit deflating but along with everything else, a relief not to have that demand on myself anymore. It feels so nice, so much less stress. Although I do hope to make use of the gorgeous country roads at the conference center in the mornings to take some nice 3-mile power walks - I know I *do* feel energized when I do that! And I won't have the pull of my room to work on, so why not? Might as well!

Also - that big wedding coming up next Saturday, I feel so happy that I am not stressing or working super hard to look my best anymore. It just feels so freeing, knowing I am doing really well with eating and with my weight, and I'm just going to make myself look nice and feel great about my choices - nothing more than that! No buying a fancy expensive dress or anything like I wanted to before - just go knowing with confidence that I *do* look my best, for this time in my life.

Have a wonderful day, and I loved reading all your comments in the past week so keep it up! =)