6 Weeks! At last...this is supposed to be the magic date..?!

If that's true, why am I so tired? This morning I am bone-weary, melt-in-the-couch tired. I suppose it could have something to do with the fact that last night Charlie didn't go to sleep until 12:30, then woke up at 4:15 and nursed 'til 5am. Then I had to wake him up at 6:30 to nurse 'til 7am so that he would be fed and sleeping while I took the kids to school. Once he went back to sleep, I made their lunches and got them all up/dressed/fed and off to school.

Last night I made up a list of things I wanted to do today, and actually most of them were/are things that just need to get done anyway. Like tidy the house, 2 loads of laundry, etc. I was going to come home, nurse the baby, then just dive in and really get some things done. I was also going to try to just drink green smoothies only today - I've been eating way too much chocolate, and baked goods/sugar and my body is crying out for a detox.

But none of that even happened. I am so tired. All I can do is kind of just sit here, after putting on a movie & giving the kids 2 & 4, fruit snacks. Even Charlie is still in his carseat on my bed sleeping....I should be waking him up and feeding him so he'll stay on his loose schedule. I SHOULD be sleeping, actually, but getting woken up multiple times by the kids just is more torturous when you're so dead tired than staying up is, so.

In my mind I see that it's 6 weeks and my clothes are tighter than ever, and it's time to start working out again and dieting. Or at least eating clean and maybe throwing in a couple of fasting 'til dinner days per week. But when I wake up, and I know I have to exercise and I know I have to eat clean and there is NO chocolate in my future that day it's like I have nothing to look forward to. I'm barely able to cope as it is, with so much required of my time.

But I'm not complaining, I'm content where I am for now - I did give myself until February 1st to just kind of take it easy in the whole losing weight department and it feels nice not to have the pressure.

I remember though, that 6 weeks is the turning point alot of times - the whole blurry fog starts to lift. And in Charlie's defense, he did almost sleep 4 hours last night! He NEVER does that, and the fact that he's starting to sleep longer at night is a very cheery thought! He's never had his days & nights mixed up, his little life is just all the same, every 3 hours like clockwork. But it'll sure be nice when he starts sleeping 5-6 hours at a time. I'll never take sleeping all night long with no interruptions for granted again! (you'd think I would have figured that out by now after having 7 newborns previously, ha!)

I am longing to go running these days. I think because it doesn't really feel like exercise to me, it's more like an enjoyable walk in that it doesn't require hurculean amounts of effort like lifting weights does. The temps have been in the mid 30's which I know is not as freezing as some areas in the country, but for here it is FREAKIN' COLD to go running! But it's not really that, so much as it is the darkness. I LOVE running with the music cranked to some upbeat tunes. It's super exhilarating and gives a rush like nothing else (well, drugs maybe - just having finished giving birth!). And I really don't mind running in the dark, our neighborhood has lots of well-lit streets. HOWEVER I don't feel comfortable running with music, in the dark. And that takes all the fun out of it!

So - waaah on that account. I'm trying to figure out how I can still run, but the only time really, is after the kids come home from school at around 4pm. Hmmm. Me thinks that is just too much of a wild and crazy time to have Rachel babysit. Ah well, I suppose soon enough the days will get lighter earlier and I will have more sleep under my belt so I can get up before everyone wakes up and go running. I did that often last spring/summer and it was DIVINE. Glorious sunny spring mornings! DEF on my "to do" list again.