Week 27, Day 5 - CHOMPING at the bit!

Oh you guys...I am in that state where there is so.much. I want to do right now!!! It's like my mind goes around in circles and I have so many plans for my day and things I want to accomplish/tackle, and yet - my body is NOT willing.

Actually, it *is* willing, for the first 3/4 of the day it seems that I am able to physically do quite a bit, and then once dinner time cleanup is finished, I am soooo tired my body is screaming at me to sit down for like, 5 hours. Straight.

Problem is, there is so much to do as far as just keeping the house TIDY during the day, that if I want to tackle anything extra it almost has to be done after dinner time, and of course, I am totally beat by then.

I COULD let my house go and work my tush off while I have the energy, but then when it comes time to make dinner and I observe my completely messy house, it totally stresses me out and everything seems to be way more chaotic and just out of rest.

I have to say, though, that being home today? It has been AWESOME. Basically for the past 2 weeks my life has been this:

14th Saturday - 25th Thursday, packing & moving to/from our church retreat.
26th Friday - scrambling crazily to do laundry and unpack as much as I can without overdoing it to prepare for being gone the next 3 days.
27th Saturday - 29th Monday - traveling 3 hours away with DH and relaxing.

30th, TODAY - unpacking, getting things in order from being gone, catching up on making appointments for school immunizations, school transfer papers, dentist, and then diving headfirst into the problem we're currently having with our mortgage informing us that we are actually currently 18 payments behind from SIX years ago and need to pay the extra $2,500 um, YESTERDAY.

Yeah right, no way in heck we missed that many (or ANY! I am super careful with mortgage payments) - so now I'm regretting my not keeping records very well and have been on the phone with the bank, tracking down the check stubs...turns out it costs $5 PER CHECK for them to send copies for proof that we paid, and I don't even know what check numbers they are....blah. I know it'll be all solved eventually but for now it's rather hair-raising wondering if we're going to have to pull all that money out of our emergency fund and pay? or what?

In the meantime...my room, my room, my room! I want to finish it before I get too big and cumbersome...I am 7 months on Friday! So there is that pressure, aaack! DH could pretty much care less, he probably wouldn't really notice if I just left it in this particular state of unfinished-ness for a year. So it's all up to me, I need to get the boards cut from Lowe's and then nail them up, paint, spackle, etc.

Which is super fun for me and I want to do! But, then, we're back to the same old problem of the body not cooperating.

Times like this I'm like my GOSH, why didn't I appreciate my strong, non-pregnant body way back when?? Why did I fritter my time away on dumb things, or why/how could I have even THOUGHT that I was tired or didn't have enough energy? Silly, silly me...I'm going to remember this feeling when I have a 4 month old baby and feel like I can't do very much. WAYYY better than a big belly and a backache, *I* think.

I'm fascinated lately by furniture refinishing/fixing up. I even have several pieces that I have purchased at garage sales and such, that are waiting in my garage to be fixed up. I LOVE that I can have beautiful furniture if I do it myself, and there are so many tutorials online of moms just like me who have never done it before, and followed others' tutorials, and their pieces look so amazing!!! Like this one:

and this one - sooo awesome!

I am SO intrigued by the unlimited possibilities of what I could number one, FIND at thrift stores/craigslist/garage sales for cheap and then fix up with some TLC to sell. I used to sell children's clothes on Ebay and made a good living until I eventually just had too many kiddos to keep up with it. I miss the shopping part of it ALOT, but the truth is, that industry has pretty much bottomed out anyway.

I love love loved having my own "egg money" so to speak, to earn on the side and do fun things with our family and the kids. How much fun would it be to find cool pieces like these, and fix them up to sell on craigslist, and enjoy transforming something ugly and old/outdated into something completely fabulous? And at the same time, gradually finding and keeping the best/my fave pieces for my own home to enjoy and just love.

I found a GORGEOUS size queen bed frame at a garage sale last summer for 5, yes FIVE dollars because it had some fairly deep and noticeable scratches on it. Maybe from a dog? I could not believe my ears when he said it was $5 and that it was STILL THERE! I have not been brave enough to attempt the sanding & painting of that bed to sell, but my plan is to do that and use the money to buy a nice bed frame for our size King bed. It looks very similar to this but not *quite* as fancy:

I love to read the Ballard Designs and Pottery Barn catalogs...yummmmy! So many good ideas, oooooh man, I need to clean out my garage so that I can start working on some of this stuff! But, the tired body. The heavy belly. The aching back. Blah.

Someday.....


In the meantime, you bet I am bookmarking sites that have great tutorials and ideas for what kind of decor and do it yourself stuff I want to try!!! I am still just enthralled with the idea of turning my home, my little track home that looks like just about everyone else's in my neighborhood, into something beautiful that I love to look at. That when we sell, people will appreciate and notice the unique touches we have added, and want to buy it.

Like my bedroom - the board & batten looks so pretty, and it's not even caulked or painted with the final coat yet. Or painted the blue I have ready and patiently waiting. Love it!

Today has been a good day, as I feel really refreshed from being away from home for so long, and ready - oh, SO ready, for fall to come and to settle into our routine here at home while the kids are in school.

I love taking naps, just short ones, but so lovely, and all summer long have had to deal with the older ones being here and banging around, being loud, while I try in vain to sleep. It'll be nice to have just the little ones here during naptime so I can get into that routine again - especially after the baby comes.

This winter for about 3 months I'll have just 2 at home for half the day - Jack3, and Harmony2. That will be so nice, as they play pretty well together. Jack is very amiable and loves to play by himself. We'll see how it goes, especially once we find out whether Marie5 gets into morning or afternoon kindergarten, that will really define our days for sure.

See you around!

PS: After eating not so super great on my weekend with DH, I am so happy to say that today I have been eating so well! I had some watermelon, then a chocolate shake, and said no to all the fast food calling my name as I was running errands today, then for dinner I had a pretty big helping of quinoa and just a few bites of a roll with honey. If I am hungry later I'll have more quinoa...it seems to taste even better once it's chilled and been sitting in the fridge for a few hours as the flavors mix wonderfully. So happy to be back on track! (although yes the vanilla ice cream with fudge and peanut butter *is* calling my name...)

Week 27, Day 1 - I am DYING in this heat!!

Today has not been the best of days ... it is 90 degrees out there and my little house is an inferno. Except for my bedroom which is blessedly cool, or trying to be - it's probably 75 degrees in here because all the kids keep coming in & out to talk to me, and leaving the door wide open. When you go out of my bedroom it feels like you're putting your entire body inside the oven!

I'm going to sign out now because it's a really trying day and well, I don't want to write in a complaining spirit.......=)

.....okay, back now - a few hours later. And cooler. Our front windows somehow grab onto the wind in our area and usually we have a nice breeze blowing through our house right around 7pm. Feels soooo nice!

I finally put my feet up and was thinking rather discouraging thoughts like, I got nothing done today! But then I was like --- ooooooh yeah, the MOTHS. Have you ever had moths in your pantry? Not fun. At. all.

So yeah, we came home from vacation to find some lovely moths, about 6 of them adorning the ceiling and walls of our pantry, and they had already gotten into the sunflower seeds...and the corn meal...and the powdered milk...and who knows what else.

So THAT is what I spent my entire morning doing, oh yeah! Now I remember. I needed to put away all the food from vacation that we had brought, the non contaminated food, and I wasn't about to mix it with the contaminated food! So a good cleaning was in order for the pantry - which actually, is something I've been wanting to do for a really long time, so I'm glad I was forced to do it.

My motto lately is to: keep the house in order, and do one extra thing each day. Whether that be sweep/mop all the floors, or clean the bathrooms, something EXTRA that doesn't get done each day in order to maintain my sanity.

So the house is in relatively clean order now, except for the MOUNTAIN of clean laundry on the couch (as I am frantically cycling through all the dirty laundry trying to get it washed before leaving tomorrow) and the kids' bedrooms (which are not quite the disaster they usually are, but are going to *quickly* turn into one if I don't do something), and the vacuuming. Oh, and sweeping.

Tomorrow I leave at noon for 2 days with DH in the big city, and oh it is HARD to leave again!!! I just want to get back into the routine of things so bad, I want to be able to keep my house clean again and just LIVE normal life again! I also can't wait for school to start...it'll be so so so nice to just have 3 kids at home instead of 7 during the day!

Pregnancy...my hernia is really bothering me now. Apparently it is officially called naval hernia and is fairly common, but I've never had it. It seems to act up MUCH more the last half of the day, possibly connected to my not resting enough and doing too much. ha, which is like, every single day!

It hurts me even when I am just simply walking, as it pulls my stomach side to side slightly with each stride. It sticks out right above my belly button (but doesn't look abnormal at all, it really just looks like my belly button is sticking out only it's not, it's right above) and anything that touches it, I wince. I can't do the dishes normally because my belly hits the counter right there, and if I bend over straight down, it scrunches it up so it hurts. I also can't hold anyone in my lap if I'm reclining even the slightest bit, poor Harmony doesn't understand that but at least she's not really a lap sort of person anyway.



So, interesting times. I've always had very boring, simple pregnancies and my only complaint was usually the heaviness from just being PREGNANT.

Week 26, Day 5 - I am soooooo ready to go HOME!!!

So we've been here at our church retreat center for ... um... let's see ~ 11 days so far. It's been harder for me this time, but maybe I always think that?

Ha! Probably. =)

I just keep on wanting to go hooooooome already! I think a big part of it is I am really ready to just settle into fall, back to school, and getting my routine back. And, I really really REALLY want to get back to working on my room! Before I get too big in the tummy, that is - I am just chomping at the bit to finish it up and make it all beautiful and pretty.

Eating-wise, I have done so amazingly well I can't really believe it. I think a huge part of it has to do with knowing, just KNOWING that if I do eat that ice cream, or this or that bad-for-me-food, I will feel even worse than I do already. I'll not be able to tolerate late nights of waiting for my older ones to come into the dorm and get a snack and go to bed so I can do the same. Or the 3-4-5-6-7 times I get woken up every night, all night, by Jack3 who for some reason just yells and cries in his sleep OFTEN. I didn't realize how often until we slept in the dorm room together, all 9 of us! Yowza!

But anyway, I think eating mostly raw/plant based has really helped me hang on by a thread throughout this time, able to cope and deal with everything that is required of a Mother/Wife when out on vacation. While pregnant. With 7 kids.

Two more days - we'll probably stay through naptime/pooltime, then head home. The next day DH is running in his big race from the mountains to the beach, and then the day after that, I leave with my friend to go meet him & his team a the finish line! (it's a 24-hour race). Then Dh & I will go to the big city for two nights to chill and hang together and spend money. Ha ha! Sounds like fun!

Week 25, Day 1 - I LOVE the freedom!!! (and weigh-in)

Ladies, I can't even tell you how much I am enjoying just ... LIVING these days. I have struggled through alot of issues with eating and exercising - MOSTLY the stupid demands and goals that I impress upon myself and then stress out SO MUCH when it doesn't go according to plan. Especially with eating. It's like this big giant tug of war and I wake up dreading the day or dreading the restrictions I have put upon myself.

I am enjoying freedom from these things immensely! Letting go of the ideal pregnancy image I had in my head has been such a relief. I am content to leave the hard exercise and hard dieting to after the baby when everything has settled down, giving myself a good 2 months to do so. It feels SO wonderful!

Of course, knowing the way I think which is like a heat-sink-missile my Mother told me when I was younger, I *do* need *something* to latch on to and be interested in to give my day meaning. It has nothing to do with spirituality, that is a whole 'nother aspect of my life that I don't really get into much on here, since this is primarly about my raw vegan pregnancy (the physical part). It's more like something that keeps me going throughout the day in regards to looking forward to something ELSE besides just always doing the same thing every single day - dishes, wiping bums, laundry, sweeping/vacuuming/mopping, cleaning...making it fun for the kids.

So I wrote about my bedroom, you know? It's been really amazing for me to see how dedicated I am to this project and how it has COMPLETELY given me a whole new outlook on what makes me tick. It is not just food, yay! =) =) Basically I have been working so hard on the bedroom every spare minute I get, that food has become almost a side issue, a nuisance really. Yet I am HAPPY to eat raw, and have been eating raw just about every day because it doesn't really matter to me. I'm not eagerly waiting until they go to bed so I can have xxx that is NOT good for me but whatever, it's been a stressful day. You know? My mind is fully occupied and swirling with thoughts on decor and colors and what to do with this wall, searching blogs and LOTS of research that I grab my watermelon or chocolate shake and sit at the computer and nourish my body while my mind is busy busy.

Pretty cool.

As a result, what do you know???? This morning I weighed in at 144!!! That means I have basically MAINTAINED my weight for six weeks! Or at least, I weighed 142 6 weeks ago and 144 is just about the same family (lol) so to me, fluctuating 2 lbs is pretty much maintaining. I am just FLOORED by this *because* I have not been 100% good, really I haven't. A few days ago I had watermelon for breakfast, and then for lunch just decided out of the blue to have two sandwiches (yes, 4 pieces of whole wheat bread!) of bologna, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, and cheese. Then I followed that with a mug full of vanilla ice cream and added in peanut butter and chocolate chips! After that I went back to raw and ate mostly raw for the next 36 hours - but still, it is interesting to me that I did not eat *perfectly* (as I was really impressing on myself, and getting discouraged when I wouldn't) and yet here I am, still with just a 17 pound weight gain at 6 months.

But one thing that I noticed that has really kept me on track is that I am extremely focused on my bedroom (currently in the painting/putting up board & batten) and as I stand in front of the fridge, quite often I tell myself no to certain foods because I know in about an hour I will feel AWFUL. Most cooked food just does that to me (except for plant based, I do pretty well on that) and I will have no energy to do both my project AND take care of the house/kids. I will have no tolerance for their mistakes OR mine, and will have a totally fuzzy brain instead of the clear, sharp thinking I normally enjoy while eating plant based/raw. Realizing that has been such a big help!

It was really REALLY lovely to wait so long to weigh - basically I think it turned out to be almost 3 weeks. Crazy! But so freeing...!

Tomorrow we leave for our church's retreat center for 14 days. It should be interesting - cuz right after we get home (we're leaving the center earlier than everyone else) DH starts his Hood to Coast run and right after THAT, we're heading to the big city for 2 nights to have a foot-loose and fancy-free alone time. Yippeee! I'm really looking forward to that.

I'm wondering if knowing I feel awful on most cooked food, will help me to continue to eat well while at camp. It honestly is a highly stressful time for me, it is NOT a vacation really, with the lack of sleep and pretty much 24-7 demands from the children to have a fun time. It's not as bad as that last sentence sounds, lol, I just mean that from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night, they are asking me to take them to the pool, or they are hungry, or someone forgot something SUPER important in the dorm so I have to go get it, or trying to shush them during the meetings, or swinging them on the swings, or trying to bathe the little ones in the showers (interesting, that!). I don't have a place to lie down to re-energize except for my bed in the dorm, and unless it's naptime, they are climbing all over me OR I don't know where they are and that's not a good thing on that huge property with a pool!

So knowing all this, I am hoping that will encourage me to eat well, to eat what I enjoy, and not scarf down bad food just because I am stressed out and can't wait to get home (Jen? RA? Tereza? Anyone relate to this? LOL) just so I can have some downtime!

I guess that's it for now - oh! Exercise! I have to say that while I do still enjoy a walk once in a while (but it HAS been about 8 days since I did that, I am SO focused on my room), I have bidden exercise "goodbye" for now. Not being able to run was a bit deflating but along with everything else, a relief not to have that demand on myself anymore. It feels so nice, so much less stress. Although I do hope to make use of the gorgeous country roads at the conference center in the mornings to take some nice 3-mile power walks - I know I *do* feel energized when I do that! And I won't have the pull of my room to work on, so why not? Might as well!

Also - that big wedding coming up next Saturday, I feel so happy that I am not stressing or working super hard to look my best anymore. It just feels so freeing, knowing I am doing really well with eating and with my weight, and I'm just going to make myself look nice and feel great about my choices - nothing more than that! No buying a fancy expensive dress or anything like I wanted to before - just go knowing with confidence that I *do* look my best, for this time in my life.

Have a wonderful day, and I loved reading all your comments in the past week so keep it up! =)

Week 24, Day 2 - Update on me!

I'm in a happy place. =) I haven't weighed myself in I think, about 10 days - and it feels great! I have finally let go of this ideal image in my head that I was trying to reach, but miserably failing at - and feeling miserable because of it!

I have been encouraged in the mindset to really enjoy this pregnancy, not worry so much about weight - and just try each and every day to eat raw and/or plant based cooked. But as much raw as I can.

I had my doctor's appointment on Wednesday, and she said I should stop running due to my pregnancy hernia - it is slight but it is painful at times (but not super bad) and she said it could get worse. Power walking *is* okay and I am hoping to do that, 3 miles maybe 2-3x per week, but nothing set in stone.

For now I am....really REALLY into remodeling! Ha ha go figure - I get really into things and the energy from trying to eat healthy and exercise had to go somewhere, right?

If you recall, right before I got pregnant I got SUPER inspired to make my master bedroom a sanctuary, an oasis, a place of peace and calm in the midst of a (very) chaotic and stressful home (sometimes). I wanted to be able to walk into my bedroom and feel like I've entered a place of peace and serenity.

So I tore down all the fixtures on the wall, I even unscrewed the doorknobs and the light in our bathroom AND the mirror! Everything...no curtains either, but I did leave the blinds up cuz the neighbors look right into our window.

Our room was painted a raspberry red on the bottom half and a pretty dark sage green on the top half - but the REASON I painted it that way is cuz I was hoping DH would put up a chair-rail around the room (I even bought him a power saw for Christmas so he could cut the wood - hee hee!). He never did put it up though, and here it is 6 years later....

I primed all the walls and then sanded, many hours of sanding, the trim & doors since they were painted a latex over oil-based paint (big no-no --- oops, my bad 6 years ago!!) and every time we tried to wash them, it would peel once it got moist/wet enough. Ugh.

Then, I got pregnant. And MAJORLY sick. So it has stayed that way - barely functioning - although I had DH put the doorknobs back on, lol. At least, to the bathroom and main door, but not the closet.

Now, I am overtaken with this MAJOR desire to finish it!!! I know part of it is the God-given drive to get things done before the baby gets here - probably a major part of the reason that nursery items are so popular for pregnant women, lol! Probably a majorly booming business. =) Cuz you just want to DO it, and make it SUPER cute, blah blah blah.

So since we don't even remotely have room for a nursery in our house, just 3 bedrooms for 10 people, I've sort of made it my goal to finish that first dream that I had, way back when, before the baby gets here. In those first couple of months I spend ALOT of time in that room, and I want to be able to come home from the birthing center and open my door and just breath ahhhhhhhh.....I LOVE BEING HERE!!

I'm tackling the entire thing ---- myself. I'm going to do instead of a chair rail, a board & batten style of wall - cutting the boards and doing everything myself, only probably not with the power saw, just with a miter saw (handheld type thing). I'm super excited about it and have been researching and figuring out all kinds of measurements, etc, for weeks now. Here is the look that I love - the board & batten on the wall. Mine will be very similar to this look only it will be a bedroom with different decor and blue on the upper wall.

So things have slowly but surely been coming together - the bottom half, with the boards on the wall, will be white - a nice pure white that to me, is so serene and pretty. The top about 1/3 of the wall will be a soft dusty blue sort of color that is both classy and dreamy at the same time. My colors are going to be pure white (think sheer white flowing curtains, white walls, white trim, and fluffy all-white down comforters and matching white bedding), slate blue, and black. This picture I found online shows the look I am going for with the curtains:

I plan to paint the furniture black and also have other little details such as the light above the bathroom mirror, the doorknobs & hinges, and curtain rods black. Oh, and the bed frame too. Other colors added in, maybe silver - and DEFINITELY crystal, I love the idea of all of those colors together - I want a simple elegant chandelier in place of our really lame early 90's - ish light. And then a pop of color somewhere - maybe pink, or red....probably in the form of a picture or maybe flowers.

Of course, all of this takes money........which we don't have a ton of. But I *do* know how to do alot of it myself (painting, mostly!), and I *do* have the know-how to shop smart (overstock.com, Ebay, can you say GARAGE SALES?!!!) and especially to turn something ugly (like a brassy mirror for example) into something purty purty by just simply painting it!

So after saying all THAT, I am....um...six months pregnant AND um...mom to 7 kids that are pretty little still. As in, want to help me PAINT when all *I* want to do is just do it myself as quick as I can and not have to supervise or worry about paint splattered thickly on the wall, ha ha! And little toddlers wandering in the room and having to quickly put the brush down in order to go help a crying child.

Then I'm super tired quickly...my tummy is heavy...and of course after all.that.work I *still* have to do the laundry, supervise the house being cleaned, make sure the dishes get done, the floor gets swept...bathe the kiddos...yeah. So I'm super glad for 1)the burst of energy I've gotten lately and 2)eating raw because it keeps me really even-keeled and makes for the ability to get tons done!

So far in my room, I have managed to keep it clean all the time (BIG big job, cuz you know, for some reason it's the kids' favorite place to come in and leave a trail of...THINGS...when they leave. Hmmmm. And, I have painted exactly half of the bottom of the walls WHITE and also half of the trim. Which I have to do all over again because it needs a second coat. Bleh. That's the BORING part.

Right now I am just ITCHING to go put on a second coat so at least I can say that half of the bottom is finished being painted, but I am so, so weary I can barely even get up off this chair!

Today I managed to:

Get up early at 7am and go to Walmart for diapers and necessities, then squeeze in a LOVELY hour & a half of garage sale-ing, which I (heart) soooooo much. I found a couple of nice Lego collections for $15 for Isaac8's birthday coming up, and a really fun bike for Jack3, and just overall really enjoyed myself.

Rushed home to get Rachel12 and James10 up with just 20 minutes to spare before Grandma was coming to pick them up to go to a parade in another town.

SUPER nice just to have 5 kids at home for the day - DH was gone all day until about 4pm doing prep for his big Hood to Coast race coming up. As soon as R & J left, I plopped myself down in the boy's room and proceeded to RADICALLY clean it. I mean, it was spotless when I was done, and before...well, let's just say there was alot of sorting of Lego's, marbles, mega bloks, cars, papers, LOTS and lots of trash. I cleaned under their bunkbed, sorted everything, and threw away ALOT of stuff...of course, making a pile of items to sell on consignment as well! (oh, and don't forget the extra "helpers" trying to find treasures and mess up all the nicely sorted piles I was trying to make...grrr...or maybe that should be a smiley face?) lol

Once it was clean, I got inspired and moved their entire bunkbed over to the other side of the room, vacuumed the floor (and the hallway & the girls' room after I quickly tidied that too), and then washed ALL of their sheets & pillowcases AND blankets. That felt very good to accomplish because as some of you most likely know already, little boys turning into older boys can be very smelly! Ha ha.

After that, my tummy was yelling at me to REST ALREADY, you IDIOT!!! But by then it was lunchtime and the kids were crying and hungry so, proceeded to make their lunch. The whole house was pretty messy by that time - dishes from the night before because the dishwasher wasn't unloaded when the child in charge of rinsing & loading was doing them.

Sigh.

I was so tired....

So I put Harmony2 to bed a little early, right after lunch, made myself a raw chocolate shake (hadn't eaten anything up until then - not sure where THAT energy came from?!!) and then lay down in my bed for about an hour watching a show and checking my email & surfing the web.

Then, enough resting - up I jumped, I was just itching to start painting my ROOM with the white paint I'd bought last night! I spent a good 2 hours on that, with Marie5 as my helper - she would dip her paintbrush in the paint and kind of glob the paint on the wall, and I would come after her once in a while to smooth it out with my roller. I think the walls got a big more paint than normal but oh well, no harm done! She LOVED it and all the other kids were clamoring to help too - but I can't supervise more than one person helping me without going crazy so after her turn is Grace7, then Rachel12, then Isaac8.

Time to get Harmony2 and Jack3 up from naps, and time to tackle the house! I set the kids to their normal tasks of each cleaning the rooms they're in charge of, and cleaned the kitchen while they were doing that. Then, the laundry - big pile of it on the couch, but didn't take much time due to my awesome method of just sorting & storing, little to no folding.

Then, oh dear Lord, they were hungry and oops, no plan for dinner! MAJOR major time of crying and yelling and throwing fits...wow. At one point I had four of them crying and ... yeah. It was interesting.

Funny, writing all this out it doesn't actually seem like I did a humongous amount today - but it sure feels like it. I guess it was the garage sale-ing (which I do love, but tires me out for the rest of the day if I go very long) compounded with tackling two BIG projects, cleaning the boys room and painting. Moving that bunkbed by myself probably wasn't such a good idea, especially with the hernia...but it's hard to remember things like that in the moment. I am totally an independent person by nature so waiting for DH to get home to help me, no way, I want the project done and finished NOW!

Also, DH was gone all day and night too, since he took Rachel12 out for her annual birthday dinner. I'm super glad they got to go, any chance to knit their hearts together I am ALL for, especially when she asks if Dad can take care - that is HUGE. Usually she wants to do fun things with just me. =)

But regardless of the reason he's gone, when he IS gone, it is just an extra added burden as I'm sure you know! Having to get all the kids to bed myself and no, it is not very smooth in our house - always a reason or battle on their part to finagle their way into staying up later. And lots of kiddos to pray with...

...I'm enjoying not having to think about food and weight all the time, as well as the stress of pushing myself to go run. Or workout. I'm going to sit back and enjoy THAT freedom for the rest of my pregnancy, but concentrate alot on eating as raw as I can.

G'night, thanks for reading this far! =)

Week 23, Day 4 - still here, just taking a break. =)

After my last post, the emotional one lol, I've purposely taken a step back from everything. Workout out, blogging, weight worries, the whole mindset of being pregnant, eating raw, EVERYTHING. Almost like a spiritual time for me, it has been really good. I have not eaten very good but at the same time I felt like I desperately needed a breather, a BREAK, from the huge stress I have created for myself to do it perfectly!

So I'm not sure exactly which direction to go at this point but I do know that regardless, I feel like CRAP eating cooked food. I don't feel *as* bad eating cooked veggies but honestly I don't feel as good as when I eat raw. But I am tired, just weary in my spirit, of worrying about gaining weight and staying fit. I want to LIVE LIFE and ENJOY this pregnancy and enjoy my kids! Enjoy this time! Instead of always ALWAYS having like this burr in my saddle sort of thing.

Not sure wherwhat to do exactly but I think I've decided not to continue working out, but to continue running. And to continue eating raw but not so anal about it, not trying to do 30 days or anything like that. And not have goals where I have to look good for a certain event, I just don't want to worry about stuff like that anymore. I just want to be ME, to be a Mom to 7 wonderful kids, you know? Be a homemaker, a wife, a Mom, a friend...and stop internalizing my life so much. Let it be about the others and making it good for them and then maybe all the rest will fall into place.

It's been nice not blogging though, cuz I don't feel pressured then either, to do it perfectly. We'll see how this next week pans out...it really is a journey!

And who knows, next week at this time I might be even more motivated than ever to kick it up a notch, but that is then, this is now - and I'm just taking it one day at a time. Most of all, I am welcoming a breather..feels really nice!